that’s all i’ve been doing all day. this has been possibly the worst weekend i’ve experienced in a while. i’ll gladly take a hangover during work any day over what’s happened in the past two days.
i hate how people don’t understand what effect their words have on me. they don’t even know it, in fact, it will never ever occur to them that the smallest things that they perceive to be entirely justified absolutely kill me inside.
work has been absolutely swamped this weekend, and today there really wasn’t a moment to breathe, which really did a number on me. especially since i spent a good deal of time in the hospital yesterday, with my grandmother which was emotionally taxing. there have been numerous moments where i just want to break down and cry, and there have been the same amount of moments where i’ve wanted to shriek until my voice left me forever. there’s just so much going on, and the people who should be there, aren’t, and it all feels like a repeat of june 2009.
i leave bright and early for montreal tomorrow. i’m pretty excited to be frank, but i know that i’m bringing over so much stress and anxiety, which i obviously wish i could leave behind in the US.
in regards to the social sector of my life, i feel like there have been so many hills and valleys in the past few weeks, and i’m just so tired of it all. i’m tired of people saying one thing, and then doing other things that just completely negate their words. i’m tired of being disappointed and easily irritated. and also, some people just need to chill the fuck out, and learn to account for their words and actions in a responsible manner.
at this moment, the only things i’m looking forward to are work next weekend, dinner at Hugo’s on the 8th, and going back to school. i don’t really have any desire to spend time with people over break unless they’re family members. everyone else, i’ve just realized i’m very short with and will more than likely snap at.
a nice cup of iced vietnamese coffee would do me a world of wonder right now. and perhaps when i wake up at 5am, i’ll want to be social again. maybe it’s just the fact that i’m absolutely exhausted that i feel this way right now. it could also be that i’m very sad and very lonely. but whatever the reason, i hope it gets resolved sooner rather than later.
then again, i’ve been known to dwell in my sorrow- but, i’ll try not to do that now.
NO SCHOOL FOR 5 DAYS. i’m in raptures to say the least, partly because i’ve had some vin blanc, and partly because i’m exhausted, but it’s so nice to know that i don’t have to worry about homework, about exams, about awkward situations, about waking up on time. i can busy myself with trivial concerns like what should i pack for the holiday? when should i bake the cranberry currant tarte? what should my weekend consist of? the more trivial, the better i believe! i ought to express my sincere apologies for the lack of blogging on my end (but truth be told, i’m not too sorry). lately my life has been consumed with occurrences, with new people, new places, new emotions. i can’t say that i’d want it any other way, and to put it frankly, the upcoming times won’t allow me too much time to blog. i’m not saying this is the end of floating over babylon. BY NO MEANS is this the end. i just can’t commit to posting every few days anymore, but at the same time, i do promise that i will do as much as i can. i’ll jump the gun now, and tell you what the purpose of the post is. ONE: recent happenings, TWO: TSA bullshit policy, THREE: reflections, FOUR: lookbook.
tonight was perfect. i woke up and it was misty and mild, walked all the way to school and listened to noah and the whale and typhoon (good AM combo), finished the day, ran home, slept for five hours, ate some hummus, TRAVELED TO FIGA, and had a wonderful last meal with A. we ran into some wonderful english teachers and spent a while engaged in a fulfilling conversation with them, and also chatted a great deal with an older couple who sat next to us. we indulged in sev crusted scallops, wild boar rendang, tandoori chicken, meatloaf, a trio of creme brulees (lemongrass, orange cardamom, and chocolate espresso). this past weekend i spent some much needed time with my little brother, ate a lot of cherry garcia, went roller skating, worked and decorated and produced/composed my first ever window display (GO LOOK AT IT), and had a movie marathon. tomorrow: yoga, cranberry currant tarte, train to boston, family dinner, etc. etc. did i mention that i’m so incredibly happy?
screw the TSA. i’m not one who travels too far during the holiday season ( thank god for new england ), but for the past three nights ABC news with diane sawyer has focused on the measures the TSA is taking this holiday season. of course it’s wise to take precaution, especially since the threat of terror has been increased as of late, but the extent they’re taking it is RIDICULOUS. this won’t be the most eloquent opinion i’ve ever put forth, but i need to get it out, so here goes nothing. pat downs have existed for a very long time in the world, and ever since they were first used, nobody has enjoyed them. but the new version of pat downs being used by the TSA are appalling. they encroach on groping, and when a TSA employee is groping an 8 year old child, you know something is wrong. they are invasive, and time consuming. in addition, a TSA employee should be able to use their instinct and trust their intuition about a person. surely it’s not common for a 65 year old woman is not a terrorist (then again, it is possible, but how many 65 year old women have you heard about that are terrorists? i can say i’ve never heard of a single one). the lack of common sense in regards to the TSA’s new policies is what bothers me. it’s both time consuming and overly cautious. of course the safety of all should be put above convenience for a single person- but in other news, when has utilitarianism ever been important to the USA before now? let’s just use common sense and not strip an 8 year old girl down in the middle of an airport because her barrette set off the metal detector. plus, who wants to be groped at any age? pas moi.
so as i mentioned, i am incredibly happy. ridiculously happy that my head hurts, and that i can’t even figure out how i’ve gotten to this point in my life. everything is right, everything makes sense. i’m appreciating what i have, not thinking about what i don’t have. my family is healthy, my friends are sane, and i’m being treated like i should have been a long time ago. of course the only thing wrong is that i’ve been sleep deprived for the past three weeks or so. but that’s curable. sort of. there are always hills and valleys in life, and currently, i’m walking up one of those really high hills that is promising and rewarding. i’m flourishing in this new environment, and i’m thankful for all i have, for all i know, and for all to come. connections are undeniable, emotions are not hindered, rather they are facilitated. i’ve been able to cook, i’ve been able to clear my head. i’ve just entered this new stage in life, and i’m so glad that it’s come now, rather than sooner or later.
i’ll leave you with this video- because it’s so good and you should watch it. OH YEAH. i’m reviving my lookbook, so get your hype on. i’m sorry about the bad news in regards to a small amount of posting, but hopefully soon i’ll get my act together and update frequently. i’ll make it clear when that will happen- perhaps 2011? a hiatus is sort of needed to be frank. HAPPY THANKSGIVING & HOLIDAYS.
to be honest, i feel like i am avoiding the world. there is a group of people that i haven’t seen all summer- and at this point, i don’t even know if i plan on seeing them. i am so content hiding out here- living the way i have been. i don’t know what type of comfort i’m searching for, seeing as i’m quite comfortable now. 5 days until i start the final leg of my summertime. i’m anxious yet i’m taking it as it comes. i interviewed today- and i’m hoping the best comes out of it. i also realized that there comes a point where every friendship expires. this one in particular is hard to comprehend, because i know it shouldn’t be ending- but it is. and i’m reluctant to stop it. oddly enough.
it saddens me how close the end is near. this summer has been primo in comparison to the past. but that’s how life is. i am always incredibly excited for my monthly horoscope, and this is what august 2010 says for capricorns born january 1-10th:
travel and educational plans might change unexpectedly after the 20th. Pay attention to details instead of rushing through instructions, applications, and other plans. In some cases, rethinking your plans might be in order. A flurry of activity around the 24th is likely, which could find you running around on errands. Try not to stress out and instead get everything back to order one step at a time.
With all of the attention you are pouring into career, family, and personal matters, dear Capricorn, you could feel that a partnership is wanting. However, while you can’t ignore your close relationships, your attention to career is especially important right now. New responsibilities and challenges come your way and you need to be on top of your game. Luckily, you are enjoying the limelight and finding that others are seeing you in a most positive, responsible, and competent light. The need to discipline yourself and structure your time on a professional level becomes apparent.
i finally scanned and uploaded some film, see below:
running off to mount desert island for the last week of august to camp and stay in the hostel with a. hikes, evening swims, this way cafe, sails, and sleepin in the great outdoors. my kinda living.
sooo hooot
hoooooootttttttttttttt
hoootttttttttttttttttttttttt outside.
sailed to cliff island today, and rode around on the back of a pickup truck, almost fell out, ate some scrumped raspberries, jumped off the ferry dock, and scraped my knee up real bad and rad. sunburned and possibly dead. so tired. falling asleep now. could use a real snooze. tomorrow 4 hour boat ride. then thursday and friday scuba diving. guess what the weekend brings? a campout on long island with a rather lovely group of people, and then i’m gone… starting monday for 13 days to walpole, bristol, pemaquid, and stonington. oh shnap.
ah, so today is my last day of summer. isn’t that rather morbid to think about? well it’s true, from now on i am involved with ocean studies and then off to korea for 2 weeks in august. it’s absurd how quickly time flies. a 3 hour boat ride today, basically did me in for sunburns. blotches all about my pale skin, mark the beginning of my oceanic adventure, and i don’t mind to be honest. whilst traveling the seas, i planned our upcoming vacation for aug 2011. i know that’s a year plus away, but the way a and i do things, we need to plan in advance or nothing gets done.
here’s the great part about our holiday in 2011- it’s a 20 day trek on the west coast. yes… motherfucker, yes. so wonderful and such a long time, but sooo great. we both wanted the same things, so i’m rather enthused. we’ll start in washington state, where we will camp near the forks on the pacific ocean at a beach site for 4 nights. we’ll head from the forks to seatle for 3 nights and adventure the city and drink some coffee. we are considering a 2 night trip to vancouver as well, but the logistics of this happening…well, i suppose they’re great… so let’s forget i began this sentence. after vancouver its onward to oregon- portland, oregon! our sister city! 4 nights there and then takin’ the train all the way to BAJA California. insane to think that we will be on a train for a good two days. when we arrive in baja, we plan on beach camping for 2 nights and then a night in a hostel. neither of us want to spend a ton of time down in baja, so to conclude our trip we will spend 1 night in san jose and three nights in san fransisco- and of course… after all that is done, we shall return to portland and face the consequences of going away.
besides my trek out west, i am traveling to some other places this upcoming year! south korea is my next destination- aug 7th through the 21st. in october, a trip to new orleans will occur- a long weekend is assumed. and then in november a trip to montreal and quebec city will embrace a and me! for mardi gras i will be visitin’ new orleans once again, and then in april a trip to durham will most likely happen. i’d like to travel to montana as well- perhaps in june of ’11. traveling is one of my most favorite things, so i’m so glad that i get to do a lot of it for the next year or so!
today has been absolutely wonderful. regardless of how early i awoke, i’ve had the most pleasant day. it started with strawberry picking in scarborough- and these berries were so delicious and juicy and mouth watering, it made me want to pick like 80 pints. i got sunkissed and freckled and then i walked up the east end, bought some iced coffee with soy supp, and then began work. now i’m headed to SPACE to see Ted Leo & The Rx. So frikin excited. ecstacy excited. tomorrow brings adventures with mr sean, and i hope to buy a new nose ring & get it changed- although i’m dreading the pain. monday i’m with miss lily and hopefully we’ll head to the beach. on tuesday, miss annie, who i haven’t seen in ages, a trip to salvie’s and higgins is truly in order. and finally, wednesday, miss bela, how i’ve missed the darling. clothing swap and all that jazz. i’m planning on getting out of maine on the 29th or 30th, and catchin’ a flight to MSY. tomorrow is daughter’s day, i’ll be begging for a roundtrip ticket down south, and on thursday, miss m will be back from EUROPE. it’s almost been an entire year since my father passed away, and i’m feeling it. i don’t know what to expect on the 28th, but i know that he wouldn’t want me to be sad. his life was short- and as they say, only the good die young. i’ve been overly emotional the past week- not to mention, girly. i’m not taking to heart my horoscopes, because at this point in time, i don’t know if i trust them. to do.
-buy b&w film
-buy color film
– short shorts & bathing suit
-beach days
-strawberry picking
-iced coffee
-the eNOh
-ART WALKin -jazz@loc.
-finish life of pi
-yard saling
-baking
-dinner party
-get dolled up
-grow my hair out
-be realistic
-accept grief
-be pleasant
-take photos
-finish a story
-write some poetry
-go swimming
-see more fireflies
-be sociable
-change nose ring (OUCH)
good morning. i’m up at 10am on a summer morning- which is a first, because i enjoy spending my days being lazy and tired and sleepy and what not. i suppose i’m up this early because for the past week i’ve been waking up at 5am, or the crack of dawn, and haven’t been going to bed until at least 1 in the morning. that after-trip “depression” is really sinking in, and i’m incredibly blue- which just might make me want to bake some popovers or something along those lines. the downside to that, is my little flat will get so incredibly hot, that i won’t be able to take it. i have to work 3-7:30 today, then i’m off to SPACE to see ted leo & the pharmacists, which i’m really excited about- seeing as i’ve awaited this concerto since i first heard about it. a little bit ago, i realized i had to write down the dates i’d be gone this summer- and right now it’s not looking promising. my july has no room whatsoever, besides a few straggler days, but i’m gone for a 12 camping trip in bristol/stonington, and then i have 7 days to relax before headed to seoul. honestly, i’m so excited, because i really love to be engaged and busy and having fun, and this summer, so far has been just that. i’m looking to book a flight from PWM to New Orleans come end of august, but i don’t know how that will turn out, because i have a feeling my posse will be in school. i can keep my fingers crossed though, because i don’t want to wait until mardi gras to come down. what to do for the remainder of the week? read i suppose. maybe if i do all my homework now, i can even try to get down to new orleans from the first of august until the fifth or something. at this point, what i know is that i will be down in the N O this summer to see everyone, and then i will be spending as little time in portland as humanly possible.
i am so excited. earlier this week- or perhaps last week, i was complaining about waiting for responses from 2 of 3 summer programs i applied to- the DC democracy in action, and the full scholarship south korea trip. I got into both! I AM SO enthralled. it’s the first time in quite some time that i feel accomplished. in addition to those two programs i’m also doing the sos program in july. i’m leaving for korea in august for two weeks, and dc is sooner than later. june 13th! oh man, i’m just so excited. i can’t even write, that’s how excited i am. i will do a proper enfinoui post as the day ends. i’m rather tired and i’m trying to make my kraft mac and cheese and my brother is on his way over.
ENFINLOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES AND SHIT.
as a postscript: Let’s celebrate like there’s no tomorrow.
here i am. in north carolina. for the first time. ever. unless a trip to the charlotte airport counts, although, i highly doubt that it truly does. yesterday was a long day of travel, tons of delays and bumpy skies and busy roads. but all in all, i got to durham/chapel hill an hour later than expected, in one piece. M was at her trackmeet, but i didn’t see her throw because i was late. late. late. i suppose that should have been assumed in the first place, but what is done, is done. chick-fil-a (still can’t get over the spelling… i suppose new englanders want to add that filet in instead of the fil-a…) filled our stomachs, and i slept a good sleep, all until i was woke up early this morning to visit DA. it was a school, and that was my very impression. my only impression too. sure schools tend to differ in material, but all have the same sense of an educational establishment which one becomes familiarized with over the course of their 13 years in public edu. or private, or what have you. anyway, i read outside for sometime- something i rarely have the chance to do in maine, and that made me happy. then we ventured to a thai cafe and to m’s infamous lo-yo and we had a superb time talking. all this “update” writing is making me feel out of place. seeing as i’m currently reading catcher in the rye for the thousandth time, i feel like holden, and i am viewing everything as “phony”. its unfortunate, yeah? anyway…
o, how i’d love a party like the above. summertime is approaching! m, annie, and i will drive to the coast and eat strawberries and blackberries, and dance to k’naan and tunng and all the good summer music. we’ll eat oranges and sip tea on the maine state pier at 5am, and we’ll build forts and go on bike rides, and take many many photos. i’m really counting on the upcoming season of liberty to be the best one yet- seeing as last year’s sucked so bad. see my nice inclusion of slang? anyway, ive sent out good energy to the deities of summer to ensure that the three of us have the best vacation of our lives thus far. parties, and friends (if we need them) and lunches and brunches and movies and music all the way.
oh hi enfin, you are as BA as its been rumored.
memoria teneo, as i have mentioned in a previous post, did in fact happen- hence the proof, first of two photos. the second, is a quaint little rue en quebec, where i found this market that four young boys in their 20s with lots of tattoos and gauges worked in. they sold me a baguette and i played fetch with their golden retriever for a brief moment until i ran up the road to get a good shot of the chateau on my trusty ricoh. i miss quebec, but i like the south too! we’re planning an allnighter (which i can say is overdue) and a fortification and perhaps a picnic and a trip to some of m’s most mentionable places en durham/c.hill/raleigh or i think i will refer to current location as RDU just like their airport. it will be nice to visit cambridge on sunday however, i haven’t visited since… february? i don’t recall any travels in march, however, it is entirely possible. a mixed tape is coming when i get back in the 617 or 207, depending on my mood and how i budget my time. i’m switching between, the crying of lot 49, V, How to Write Compelling Fiction- which i must add is quite delicious- and catcher in the rye (boring).
stupid couple is so stupidly cute.
i’m so happy that the spring has finally graced us.
floating over babylon 