enfin's reality

i love you, i like you, i hate you.

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you have no idea how much i want some mcdonalds right now. it’s somewhat embarassing that i’m craving this heart-attack renderer, but it looks so good, and i’ve been eating tofu for the past three weeks.  this past holiday weekend left a bitter taste in my mouth.  while i love extra days off, i felt as though all my visits with a myriad of friends lacked something.  saturday i was full of remorse and could barely conjure up enough strength to get out of my jammies to meet the day.  tis why i stayed inside until late that evening when i decided to venture outward, as to party until the sun came up.  ironically, i chose not to, and instead found myself sitting across from fortman at norms engrossed in a conversation with two of my favorite regulars- bruce and tom.  the remainder of the weekend kind of fell flat, i feel justified to say.  i cooked dinner sunday evening for M & A and produced this wonderful dessert consisting of phyllo dough, hazelnuts, sugar, maple syrup infused whipped cream, and strawberries.  i also caught the end titles of Mad Men with Mr. I.

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Monday brought about endless piles of half-completed homework.  i drank too many cups of caffine, and i fell asleep without being properly prepared for what tuesday would bring.  now i find myself, on this wonderful wednesday evening, a day ahead of schedule, with a throbbing headache.  marilyn monroe is regulating my thoughts per usual, and i have been filled with a sensation of contentedness, and i know not why.

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to celebrate the month of october, i am reading frankenstein, which proves to be everything pride and prejudice was not.  this is engaging, captivating, and vivid, where as jane austen’s masterpiece was a somber critique of the social evolution of 19th century england.  i found a wonderful recipe for panna cotta, which i’m so enthused by.  i’m unsure as to whether or not i want to pursue that tomorrow evening, or if i’d prefer baking a blackberry fig pie.  saturday renders those horrible standardized tests, though i’m in part glad, because then i will be able to sleep all afternoon with a proper excuse.  i’m trying to allot myself time to keep adding to my play, though i seem to be losing more time than i am gaining it.  so it goes, i suppose.  i’ve decided that it’s time to go back to therapy, seeing as i could use another POV that isn’t biased and comes from someone familiar.

i’ll drop off film tomorrow or on friday… depending on how productive i’d like to be.

enfin

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enfin's reality

updatez & kittehz & promises

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on this rainy october day (worst combination in my opinion) i find myself pulling an all-nighter to remain on track at school and bake cookies for tomorrow.  in the past two days i’ve baked four dozen cookies and i’m getting better at baking.  i used to bake a lot, and i still do, but i have to admit its been quite sometime since i’ve baked cookies.  cakes and tarts and pies seem to be my forte.  but so it goes, these cookies are for a cause, a good one that is.

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sublime days passing by within a blink of an eye.  keeling over on the walk home possibility, reminisce, parcels delivered and signed for, unexpected and welcomed invitations, aspirations and lots of beirut.  jane austen shall never be better than northanger abbey, writing in varsity, and ink stained digits.  memories, or would you say lacksidaciscal thoughts and spinning, arms, legs, strands of hair akimbo.  play in the works, romance on the horizon, nourished properly come the 5th day.  holidays, reunions, anxiety and depression.

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painful, wincing at the sight of them.  without gold, without tears, without what you think i need.  one too many americanos, steaming, piping hot, it’s gases making its way through the stiff autumn air.  crisp skies, big breaths, crunch crunch crunching leaves, root vegetables, increase in figs+kale.  overall bliss.

forgoing the immediate comfort of my down blanket and bed, all to be discomforted by the truths and travisties of my mind.  sleep deprivation- something i haven’t been in a while.  lots and lots of tea, missing rain slicker and umbrella soaked by nature, indulgence in warm hot showers. 

dropping roll of film from vermont/new hampshire off some point tomorrow.  shooting more saturday.  adventure photos from the past weekend are being uploaded- slowly, patiently, ever so leisurely.  tension between everyone and anyone, have i upset the one person i ought to depend on most? unsure.  losing a grip of said relationship, so nature takes its course, things end, things decay.  bring me, let me spend the day in your bed, in your world, exchanging things that have never been exchanged before.

irrationality taking over.  counting down the days.  let that nip bite your ankles.

enfin

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enfin's reality, music

clear as day but in the night

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ciao ciao ciao blogosphere as well as city-life.  going on a two week adventure filled with camping and sailing and no cell-phone reception/internet connection (thank you!!).  so ready to get away from this town, from these people, from this house. getting back into timber timbre– can’t tell if that’s bueno ou non; proffers memories into my mind which i’d prefer stay where they were.  but they’re a phenomenal band, so what can i say? almost done with tao of pooh. been eating a lot of flax seed infused yoghurt, wishing i were a musician, and trying to get rid of these terrible tanlines.  speaking of tan lines…

and just because i’m contemplative:

i had a near death experience friday- i’m still a bit shaken up, but i’m here, breathing, feeling, being. afterwards, i sat reading in the sun, “zenned out” as my colleagues have determined. hopin’ to have a scanner by the 25th so i can start postin’ some film shots. silly’s last night, with late night walks on the east end trail, and i finally bought wristcutters- so glad i did. i’m quite content with the approach i’ve had lately. it’s kind of wu wei. and i couldn’t be more glad. sun-rises and fruit and cats and ocean and boats.  poetry, photos, mixed tape, and the latest ‘ssip to be posted when i return.  until then, stay classy motherrrrfuckers.

enfin

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enfin's reality, music

surprise! this past weekend was wunderbar.  yes… back to my native tongue! it’s funny how quickly you can fall out of habit, but then, as if nothing happened, return to it as quickly as you fell out!

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for starters- i hate fourth of july.  i always have, and i always will, and i suppose there are a few reasons behind this hatred.  one: i am not patriotic by any means.  surely, i do love living in the united states- solely because of freedom- and yes, generally i wouldn’t say that, because i feel as though some rights are most definitely hindered, but, today i am saying that.  two: drunks on the eastern promenade are not the sort of people i like sitting next to, while having them regurgitate on my blanket.  three: i’m not too big on fireworks- in fact, the only reason i watch them, is to hear them.  four: i think the color combination, red white and blue is rather tragic, and i hate seeing it plastered all over everyone who makes a big deal out of the frikin’ fourth of july.  five: i prefer bastille day.  to hell with america, vive la france!

but let’s back up.  today was unexpectedly grand.  trips to the beach with healthy vegetation, books galore, the clash & family.  not to mention miraculously warm waters to swim in, and even warmer temperatures and endless sunshine.  all this followed by a mid evening excursion to el rayo- which i initially protested, but now, after experiencing the dining, i have clearly changed my mind.  so fresh, so clean, so delicious, so divine.  i was rather pleased with el rayo- hence this.  dancing in the ghetto with sparklers and watching the fireworks from the roof was a nice night cap, and now i ready myself to sleep, just so i can awake, ride to the corporate sell-out spot, and then take another trip to the beach again.  rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.  so much fun, so happy it’s summertime.  it seems as if all my film keeps disappearing.  gone through 5 rolls this week- everything is adding up, and there is no ending in sight.  oceanic adventure beginning in one day.  what can i say? i’m looking forward to it, for both selfish reasons and reasons of pure selflessness (if that even existed).

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i’ll eventually post a new mixtape for summer (i’m getting lazy, yet i’m balancing two blogs, and going on holidays often).  i’ll also try and scan some photos and get them posted too.  there is some sort of surprise in store regarding a revolutionary idea to re-amp a wonderful thing that portland is probably missing- and i plan on makin’ some creme brulee soon- so someone better buy me a blowtorch.  no more green for quite some time, and just because i thought of that, let’s chew on this- i hate pbr.  eff off hipster culture and cry me the nile.

enfinlove

postscriptum: i’ve had two very cute waiters this past week, hmm… oh yeah, jack johnson never changes, and i’ve decided that’s a wonderful thing! oh and to add to the local natives video featured up top- if you haven’t listened to gorilla manor, YOU MUST.

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enfin's reality

its always rainy in portland

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hey-o. stupid its always sunny in philadelphia… i miss my days of avid tv watching. anyway, wednesday is over in 2o minutes- such a beautiful thing if you ask me. two days left of this wretched school week. and yes, i can survive it thank you, but tomorrow evening will be hellish, seeing as i have to finish the sound and the fury. stupid faulkner, why did you have to write in a manner that i do not care for? huh? huh? okay. well yes.. i don’t know either.  i’m a bit nervous because i had to email the ink-shop about changing my appointment to a later time, and i really want them to be accomodating and all “yes of course, 2:30 is wonderful!” in addition to that, i’m having problems with my yashica and batteries and making a hold.  anyone who knows how to do that, please inform me immediately.  gratitude will come later.

for the past, 24hours? i’ve been working on a collaborative with my friend danger, entitled, kale and radishes.  it’s turning out lovely, and it will be posted when we finish (the non-existing god knows when that will be…).  i traveled to brunswick today- scored a few pieces of vinyl, and a nice large coffee, which was an interlude to all the other cups of coffee i drank today. tea will be my drink of choice tomorrow, or i will reek of permanent coffee stench.

this summer i have an itch to go scrumping.  do you think i should scrump with M, or A? hm. in the comfort of my home this evening i bake a lemon basil cake.  it turned out edible to say the least, if not delicious.  and i also made my marinara sauce.  i still have a case of cooking blues (which is contradictory) how do you like my antilogy? but yes. tomorrow… i have to work. but that means money for quebec.  and also norms later in the evening (i need camraderie ASAP). friday is similar to tomorrow, classes, working, artwalk (with my rollerderby bud) and then saturday i have a vintage sale to attend, some work to do, and beautiful bela’s birthday to celebrate.  sunday is easter, which i will be enjoying with family members at Local 188.  also with glasses of pinot noir later in the evening.  i’d like to take ethel out this week too, seeing as the weather is looking promising tomorrow onward.  i believe i should curl up in my bed now. because im starting to mash thoughts and i don’t want STOC to appear in my entry.  FICTION IS COMING. I PROMISE. i will work on it at some point tomorrow.  (bio?hist?art?)

enfinlove

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enfin's reality

חג כשר וסמח chag pesach sameach

happy passover. first and foremost i despise the following week because it always feels as though whatever you do, whether you be jewish, catholic, or agnostic, that in one way or another you’re doing wrong unto the world. but two days down, five to go.  today, (tuesday) is promising.  even though the weather is crappy and sad, i’m sort of looking forward to the day.  it’s almost at the point where i keep observing the time and i think that it’d be the smartest thing if i stayed up all evening into the morning doing homework, catching up on enfinoui, and cleaning and then head to school, grab a large coffee and take a nap. but i think i’ll end up sleeping in a while.

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today. no tennis. no work. homework…yes. waking up early… maybe.  relaxation… hopefully.  i’m seeing dark dark dark tonight at SPACE. I cannot wait.  If you live in Portland head to SPACE tonight and hear them play.  They’re putting on their Bright Bright Bright LP and some songs from Snow Magic for the crowd.  I’m hoping my Yashica will be in working condition in 24 hours so I can capture the show on my black and white film.  i also feel like making pizza… why am i thinking about food already though? that’s a bit sad. basil, lemon, cake. delicious. i’m getting off track. apologies. st.oc. that’s my stream of consciousness abrev. yes, anyway, GO SEE DARK DARK DARK or die. the end. put an end to that huh.? didn’t i? oh i sure did. this is not artfully narrated.  i’m really sorry, but all of my talent has flown out the door. what a shame! i know, right. even my neighbor’s pet bird agrees. i can hear her chirping through these thin walls. paper thin. modest mouse. isaac brock. road trip to outwest this summer. HELL YES. who wants to join?

im going to stop now because i am making no sense  and i also feel as though i may be muttering a bit too loud.

im feeling: ohheyo, i miss its always sunny in philly, tired, ‘cited-‘cited, byebye the awful lovin’ rain, vinyl hours and incense, crackin’ the bottles, zombieblood, fiction NEEDS to be finished, intrigue intrigue intrigue, lurv, dance sesh with invisies?

enfinlove.

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enfin's reality, links, writing

ouah… le printemps!

spring means:

the cooking blues.


homemade gnocchi: potatoes, salt, flour


pinched and ready for the pot of hot water


brown butter, white wine, and kale and mushroom sauce


really good white wine, popovers, and salad


the finished gnocchi!

it’s been a while.. i do admit that.  this past week got the best of me, not because i was busy, i just got distracted half the time.  i also had a case of the cooking blues which took up more time of each night than originally predicted.  pictured below are some of the many items i’ve prepared this past week!


oh hi fresh veggies- i love you kale and celery.


chicken kale soup, with crispy rosemary parmesean bread


red plum and black berry butter tart!


base of soup

 as you can see… i wasn’t lying about my cooking escapades.  i know that i have been promising my story entitled her and him for quite sometime, maybe even three weeks, but the ending has been really difficult to decide upon.  i’ve even considered publishing it in installments.  perhaps that’s what i’ll do.  i will be blogging regularly as of now.  today its pretty cool outside, although the sun makes it rather deceiving.  i’d love to go for a bikeride and maybe even a picnic, but seeing as the time and temp building reads 38 degrees, i don’t think i’ll do either.  maybe a trip to go thrifting, even though i should be saving all my cash for my trip to quebec in the next couple of weeks.  monday marks the start of the 2010 tennis season.  i don’t really feel like playing but i know that i should, so that’s what i’ll do.  i have a lot of work to do with buy local and with port city music hall, so i think tennis will be on the back-burner until matches start.  i’m also hoping to vacation to cambridge/boston next weekend.  it’d be oh so lovely. i’m really hungry right now, and trout is sitting with me.  this spring has been alright so far. seeing as the weather’s been nice…but i forgot to tell you! thursday it snowed.  isn’t that terrible? by the end of the weekend i’m hoping her and him will be posted, along with whatever sunday scribblings posts as their 208th topic.

give me some ideas for how to spend my weekend.  i guess i could go take photos.

enfinlove

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enfin's reality

i hurl myself off cliffs

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temperature’s are dropping

i miss my days of listening to just the jihad. because that was way back in the summer when i had money and i had time. i didn’t really enjoy the summer when i was caught up in it, but now… its apparent that there were some parts that were okay.

hell is demonic and manic. i had to walk in the pouring rain which made me depressed, thus causing me to wonder if i am in fact, depressed. because i often find myself morose, and in addition to that… i become wrapped up in routine, and i don’t like to be disturbed. i don’t think im depressed… just a bit cynical, and i act as if i don’t really care, when i do! i take things very personally, which im trying to work on! i very much want to connect to people. its not a matter of whether or not someone likes me, or if i like them, i just want connections. i just want to feel as though im understood. the rain makes me think too much. and it makes me feel sick. tuesdays are ever so difficult, but i personally think wednesdays are the absolute worse. so i guess right off the bat i will send myself a precursor to tomorrow!

i bought my tickets to north carolina (no where finer) and i’m leaving april 14th, getting back april 18th. the week prior i’ll be in quebec, and i’m having an ink sesh at tatouage toutankhamon! the week before that is easter… one holiday i dread, and also dark dark dark will be playing at space! the end of my march into mid april is busy busy busy! tennis season also starts up soon, so i don’t know when i’ll have a free moment to do anything.

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i adore that nietzsche tattoo so darn much. i’ve contemplated whether or not to get nietzsche on me, and that tat looks phenomenal, so its giving me a push in the direction to say… YES friederich! you should totally be inked on me forever and ever. tonight i suppose i will go to squid and whale tattoo and watch cyndi lou ink mi madre.  tonight, if i don’t have to work i’m considering making my cauliflower and kale soup, posting my recipe to gnocchi, reading dostovesky and making even making a tart! i feel as though i should do something worthwhile this afternoon, and im hoping bela comes on over so we can go through my closet and maybe to salvies. thursday & friday i get out of this institution at 11am. thats a 3 hour and 15 minute day. what is the point!? i could be in san diego right now!! san diego, sleeping in and feeling refreshed. all i want to do is cook! cook cook cook! currants and plums and blackberries in a tart! and black and white movies, and compliments, and company. too bad that won’t happen. give me some anton karas! give me yann tiersen. give me music to make me weep! i miss my best friend. and i miss the sun.

i need to think of a wonderful ending to him & her, the story i’ve been writing for  quite some time! this afternoon is nice and rainy…but not nice, so if bela doesn’t visit , writing will hopefully be the main production, along cooking. my scratches on my wrist sting a bothering sting!

enfinlove

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enfin's reality, links

its so uncertain

i’m considering changing my bloghost yet again…this time to blogger. is it worth it? even though i love wordpress…i feel very limited with themes and designing my own page.  typepad was also an option…but i’m leaning towards blogger if i do happen to change my host.  or of course, i’ll probably end up staying on wordpress! i’d like so advice though! so comment with yer suggestions as to what i should do!

enfinlove

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enfin's reality

we will hustle hustle hustle to be free

I awoke with the dreaded thought that it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon, but it wasn’t! ’twas only noon, so i was a bit happier than i initially thought.  i watched a bit of stupid cable, and then i headed to arabica for toast and cafe noir and some camraderie with anna.  while there i eavesdropped and heard about this wonderful little yardsale that cap’in hanna was having! she’s a great tattooist and she is moving all the way to san fransisco! so i went up and i scored… i don’t even know how to put it any other way than that.  i got a very sweet vintage skirt, about eight lovely t-shirts, a cowboy shirt with plaid trim, a crocheted framed picture of dauchsands, and finally a spectacular framed poster of the exhibit FAMILY ALBUMS! the thing that made everything so great was the price! i only spent ten dollars, and i don’t think i will have the need to buy shirts for quite sometime! yay! over time pictures will pop up, but right now i’m really lazy and don’t feel like taking a picture of everything i got.

when i got home i was locked out, so i sat in the hallway and had to listen to my neighbor’s atrocious soundtrack of buck cherry and killa 80s bands.  i don’t know how long i sat on the floor for, and in addition to my waiting, i had no phone, ipod, and obviously no key.  pure torture, but sheer amusement.  when i finally got let in, i busied myself with laundry and sunday chores, and then finally got to cook! i made gnocchi (homemade) with brown butter kale sage sauce with white wine. i don’t know what to call the sauce because all the ingredients are equally delicious! i also made chocolate ice cream sandwiches with the popovers and chocolate sauce.  i’m planning on posting the recipes tomorrow! i also did about two hours of biology homework, and i skipped studying for history and studying the west nile virus.  i hate third quarter more than anything in the entire world. well…not really.  although this week i think i get out early wednesday, thursday, and friday! that means either i get to work longer (equals more cash earned) or i get to take afternoon naps which are always so helpful!

how was your sunday? for some reasons i just love sundays…perhaps because they are so banasuic, but also because they are comforting.

i am feeling: tired and tummy aches, not ready for the rain or for forty degree weather, i hate mondays i hate mondays!, curiousity kills de cats….i want to have a haus party with dinner and white wine!

enfinlove.
ps: i kinda want to make a blackberry plum tart! this week i’m super inspired to cook.  tomorrow i’m making a radish cucumber vietnamese salad with white rice and miso soup, wednesday i’m making cauliflower and kale soup, and thursday i was thinking honey dijon chicken with beets and sauteed mushrooms! coookity cookity cook! i wish i had someone to cook for.

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