enfin's reality, photography

liberated

my stresses are few now; the SATs are over, my history exam is finished, and i’m jetting off for a nice four day vacation in the deep south.  93 degree temperatures, sunny skies, days spent by the pool, antiquing, and playing golf and tennis are just what i needed after this stressful spring.  hopefully everything will remain calm in the coming weeks- in fact, i only have 13 days of classes left.

i’m in desperate need of the summer- though i still don’t know what i’m doing.  cross your fingers that i’ll know sooner rather than later.

xoxo,

enfin

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enfin's reality, pop culture

yogi breaths

that’s all i’ve been doing all day.  this has been possibly the worst weekend i’ve experienced in a while.  i’ll gladly take a hangover during work any day over what’s happened in the past two days.

i hate how people don’t understand what effect their words have on me.  they don’t even know it, in fact, it will never ever occur to them that the smallest things that they perceive to be entirely justified absolutely kill me inside.

work has been absolutely swamped this weekend, and today there really wasn’t a moment to breathe, which really did a number on me.  especially since i spent a good deal of time in the hospital yesterday, with my grandmother which was emotionally taxing.  there have been numerous moments where i just want to break down and cry, and there have been the same amount of moments where i’ve wanted to shriek until my voice left me forever.  there’s just so much going on, and the people who should be there, aren’t, and it all feels like a repeat of june 2009.

i leave bright and early for montreal tomorrow.  i’m pretty excited to be frank, but i know that i’m bringing over so much stress and anxiety, which i obviously wish i could leave behind in the US.

in regards to the social sector of my life, i feel like there have been so many hills and valleys in the past few weeks, and i’m just so tired of it all.  i’m tired of people saying one thing, and then doing other things that just completely negate their words.  i’m tired of being disappointed and easily irritated.  and also, some people just need to chill the fuck out, and learn to account for their words and actions in a responsible manner.

at this moment, the only things i’m looking forward to are work next weekend, dinner at Hugo’s on the 8th, and going back to school.  i don’t really have any desire to spend time with people over break unless they’re family members.  everyone else, i’ve just realized i’m very short with and will more than likely snap at.

a nice cup of iced vietnamese coffee would do me a world of wonder right now.  and perhaps when i wake up at 5am, i’ll want to be social again.  maybe it’s just the fact that i’m absolutely exhausted that i feel this way right now.  it could also be that i’m very sad and very lonely.  but whatever the reason, i hope it gets resolved sooner rather than later.

then again, i’ve been known to dwell in my sorrow- but, i’ll try not to do that now.

enfin

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enfin's reality

indian summer spent in the mountains

this past weekend i traveled to northern new hampshire and eastern vermont all to celebrate the indian summer with my dearest A and go antiquing.  i took a roll of film, which i will be sending out soon, but for the meantime, i thought i might as well add the photos i took with my canon. 

I left school without going to yoga so I could catch a 3:30 bus to Boston and then a 6:15 bus to Littleton, NH.  I fancied myself a seat next to a rather dashing young student at Bowdoin, and for a good two hours, engaged in an enlightening conversation about deviled eggs and marriage.  After we parted, I ran to purchase my ticket to the North Country and made the bus with five minutes to spare.  It took a good hour and a half to get out of Boston, seeing as rush hour in the city is wretched on any Friday during the fall.  Perhaps three hours after leaving the city, I found myself waking up just as the bus pulled into the gas station in Littleton, where A was waiting.  I was desperate to see how beautiful the North Country is, but seeing as it was close to 10pm, I couldn’t enjoy the scenery.  Instead I found myself sitting at a wonderful little cafe called Social with A until the early hours of Saturday eating burgers and sharing our recent lives with one another.  Soon after I retired to a warm bed and slept until my heart’s content.

A brought me to five different antique shops over the weekend, but the ones in Bethelehem were fantastic.  I was given a bunch of old stills from this wonderful man named Roland, and I spent sometime at the Bethelehem Farmer’s MKT.  A little later on, A & I got coffee at Maia Papaya, and then we drove out to Vermont for an Indian Summer Party.  The drive over was beautiful.  All the trees were full of fantastic aged leaves, colored with gold, crimson, and burnt sienna.  The house was only a mere 20 miles away from our B&B but it took us a good hour to get to the cabin.  When we got there, we spent a while stacking our hostess’ wood, and sitting by the woodstove, looking out the huge bay windows, which held the most spectacular view of the green mountains. 

 

Sunday brought an excursion to Littleton, which consisted of the Littleton Farmer’s market where A & I got some bread from an organic farmer from Vermont, which was decked out in brown sugar and pecans, and then a long afternoon spent at Just L. antiques and the Littleton Bookshop.  We also ventured inside of Chutters, which is home to the longest candy counter in the world, where I snagged some old favorites and new favorites as well! Then we finally made our way to the Mountain View- a hotel which I now despise after a terrible experience, and indulged in some spicy wings on the porch which was facing Mt. Washington.  We also took sometime to read in the Eisenhower Library and play chess on a human size board.  We ended our night watching Mad Men and eating Chicken Pot Pie in bed.  Did I mention that this hotel is haunted? Well, it is.

I will scan my film from the trip once I get it back, but with that being said, I’m sure I’ll have better photos from this upcoming weekend posted before those!! Tonight consists of take out from Veranda, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and The September Issue.  Who knows what tomorrow brings.

enfinlove

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enfin's reality, photography

don’t stop

this rain needs to END.  i don’t need to feel any worse than i currently am- and the rain always adds on to that.  tired of running- though my body needs to move, because i haven’t moved it in quite sometime.

i miss kimchi.  i miss b108.  i miss seoul and everything it has to offer.  cambridge is disappointing.  oona’s got screwed over and is now cleaner and more organized than i see fit.  a stag visit to garment district tomorrow, followed by a sean kingston concerto.

it seems as though once your life begins changing, it continues to change and change and change, and then you’re left with a pile of befuddlement, and you don’t quite know what to do.  in my case, i suppose all i can do, is read, learn, run, and make do with the situation i’ve got.  maybe a vacation is in order… though i suppose this one hasn’t ended quite yet.

perhaps in this instance, distance is for the greater good- and whatever is there may survive (though knowing how i work, it won’t).  i can dream though.  awaiting on fucking photoshops to develop my shit- though i’ll be incredibly reluctant to look at the photos because i’ll just be even more weary of my surroundings.

so it goes… life is

everything and nothing.  why can’t you just be next to me thinking these thoughts and making this normal?

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enfin's reality

uptown girl

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this past weekend was rather lovely for a few reasons.  the first being being in the company of my family, who i adore ever so much- and enjoying the marriage of my cousin and her fiance.  they’re off to italy for ten days as of tomorrow- venice, florence, rome, and sicilly.  a nice deal to tell you the truth.  i’d like to be in their place right now- not to say that i have a fiance, or anything close for that matter, but it’d be nice to travel to italy for the next ten days.  i stayed up a bit too late last evening & drank too much wine (but i had an excuse this time, because it was in fact a big italian wedding).  but the night turned to day and a & i made our way into cambridge once more to enjoy the 80 degree weather and two bacon cheeseburgers at tory rowe.  as an afterthought we spent sometime in LUSH and i ended up shelling out a bit too much cash on some soaps and masks and toners and all that lovely stuff.  we ended our day eating tiramisu frozen yogurt from JP licks and then travelling back to portland, only to be met with great sadness.  not to get my hopes up or anything, a is looking for work down in boston, so perhaps in a year or so we will be relocating (and that would be FINE in my book).

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when this week ends, i have two weeks left- so bring on the finals, bring on the studying, the relentless weather, the miserable teachers, and antsy children, bring it on, and expect to be defeated by june 11th, 2010.  summer plans are getting ironed out so that they’re crisp and clear as of june 7th.  i’m hoping to travel to DC and south korea, as well as spend a good chunk of time in boston in the latter part of august as well as june.  july is jam-packed with all sorts of things (the SOS program, my grandfather, family gatherings, birthdays, and… maybe the pitchfork music fest!) i just would like to see how everything sorts themselves out, and i’m open to whatever happens. 

the fog is rolling in, my eyes are drooping like wilting petunias and i need to take my beauty sleep. i’m making a surprise dinner & dessert tomorrow…and on tuesday evening i will be listening to some jazz over drinks.

oh, and LOST, so insane, and i can’t even say if i liked the way it turned out yet. tomorrow, tomorrow.  go and sleep blogosphere.

enfin

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enfin's reality

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the night is wasting away. my tea is taking too long to steep, and my cats have made themselves busy frolicking around the house.  i don’t see myself sleeping because its so hot outside.  80 degrees. i want to go on a bike ride, but i have no one to join me, so i’ll stay in, work on my paper, read a bit of thoreau, and keep myself preoccupied.  i’m off to cambridge for the weekend- so we’ll see if i come back in one piece.

enfin

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enfin's reality

qu’est-ce que c’est?

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i can’t wait to do this with friends dans l’ete.

enfinoui got a makeoverr. sorry if things aren’t visually pleasing right now, i’m still making changes, but i thought it was time for change, yes? this past weekend went rather quickly. i spent a wonderful amount of time with bela dearest, and i watched chocolat with isaac & then some rather terrifying crime show yesterday. a and i brunched at local today, celebrating how she is a wunderbar mother to me, not to mention our stumble down the congo 8 hours earlier than usual & drinking arabica’s beans & then falling asleep listening to bobdyl. needless to say i have pent up energy, and best yet, my buddy is coming up tomorrow! he is my grandfather and i love him ohh so much. if you knew buddy, you would too, he’s just the kind of person you love. i also have to play a tennis match, go to dinner, complete a rather lengthy english assignment as well as a math one too, & in addition steep some lemonn squeezer tea. did you notice that when you give up your hope for something, that’s when it usually happens? i dislike that… very much. i hope hell goes by incredibly rapidly tomorrow- i don’t need to dabble on those premises. summer time is embroaching, and i hope i can spend it with people i want to spend it with. do we think that’s a reasonable request, deities of summer? i hope you consider it an easy task.

enfinlove (whilst floating over babylon)

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enfin's reality, Uncategorized

dearest, oh dearest.

craving some stuffed peppers and iced nice coffee.

i keep blogging right before i go to bed, and then while in the midst of a terribly good sentence, i fall asleep. shame on enfin for not realizing this trend. anyway! happy last day of avril. it’s been quite a short month- absolutely insane to think that i’ve gotten all the way to late spring and early summer. 2010, as i had wished when it was 2009, has not been up to par to be quite frank. there have been good moments and bad ones, but nothing defining- thus nothing that i will remember the year at this point. this past week has been busy, but certainly not my busiest- in fact, i feel as though i haven’t accomplished jack shit (to be blunt) at school. it only seems like i’ve played tennis- through wind, hail, rain and sunshine- oh and 32 degree weather. i’m still getting into the swing of things- seeing as this is my first week back from april break. three tennis matches- two practices, tonight… last match. i’m not planning on doing too much this weekend- seeing as i feel incredibly lazy right now, so lazy that it seems as though i’ve forgotten how to answer my telephone or even log on to facebook.

i went to SPACE wednesday, surprise surprise, right? it was Johnny Cash Tribute Evening which is held there every year.  all the proceeds went to the betterment of prisons in New England, and there were a bunch of kick ass bands there who spit out the best J. Cash and J. Carter songs. I danced and danced my little heart idle. Prior to that i visited bates- a small oasis in the town of lewiston (which i have always perceived to be trashy… but bates belongs in cambridge bitches). i know that i wouldn’t like attending there, but it was nice to get out of hell for a day.

i know that i’m being wordy… and i’m beating around the bush, so below is a list of truths i’ve been meaning to get out in the open for quite some time but have obviously had a bit of trouble doing:

-i lost my first tennis match
-i am applying to spend a month on the ocean during this summer, where a bunch of students as well as myself will be studying ways to help preserve the world’s biggest ecosystem- the sea.
-i still have writer’s block
-i definitely am not a team player
-i need to work on my attitude

there we go. out in the open. i’m so stoked (oh god, who am i turning into…) for the summer. i’ve been trying to figure out things to do and this would be great- although i am feeling rather pressured because i wanted to (and when i say wanted to… that mean i really wanted to) take a photo class, rent a darkroom at the bakery, be with meredith as much as i could be, work a regular schedule, beach and driving around and because i said that, driver’s ed, spend time in boston teaching le langue d’amour, and of course, go camping. who knows if i’ll even make it into this program- if i do, then wonderful! i’ll totally go about that and help save the ocean, but if i don’t than that’s wonderful too. i won’t be sore either way. i’ve been trying to learn that everything happens for some bigger reason, and i am no longer enticed to know why those sorts of things happen. if i could help change the world in some way, than i would most certainly do so. i hope though, that i will have fun (in fact, i know i will)! the good news about this program though is that its 4 days a week, and there is only one instance where it goes all 7.  the remainder of the week (ie 3 days) belong to me and i can go home etc. plus when we’re hanging intown learning, that means i can just go home when the day is done and do whatever i like then. oooh the advantages of being a child with no strings attached- i must say its a breath of fresh air.

enfinlove (i just gave y’all some)

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