enfin's reality, links, music

winter 2012 mix-tape

It’s the most melancholy time of year…what’s the only cure besides beer and warm socks? Good music of course.  Enjoy it, my lovelies.  xoxo.

In This Hole – Cat Power

(What’s Your) Angle?- Andrew Bird’s Bowl of Fire

John DeLorean- Blue Scholars

Gloomy Sunday- Billie Holiday

Kiss Me- Tom Waits

La Noyee- Yann Tiersen

50 Pieces- Andrew Bird’s Bowl of Fire

Skinny Love- Bon Iver

On My Own (feat. Les Nubian & Mos Def) – The Black Eyed Peas

You Don’t Know Me- Ben Folds

Tighten Up- The Black Keys

Words of Love- Buddy Holly

Citizen- Broken Bells

Rock Bottom- Mickey Avalon

Joga- Bjork

enfin's reality

beaucoup is how they say it in the NO


good morning.  i’m up at 10am on a summer morning- which is a first, because i enjoy spending my days being lazy and tired and sleepy and what not.  i suppose i’m up this early because for the past week i’ve been waking up at 5am, or the crack of dawn, and haven’t been going to bed until at least 1 in the morning.  that after-trip “depression” is really sinking in, and i’m incredibly blue- which just might make me want to bake some popovers or something along those lines.  the downside to that, is my little flat will get so incredibly hot, that i won’t be able to take it.  i have to work 3-7:30 today, then i’m off to SPACE to see ted leo & the pharmacists, which i’m really excited about- seeing as i’ve awaited this concerto since i first heard about it.  a little bit ago, i realized i had to write down the dates i’d be gone this summer- and right now it’s not looking promising.  my july has no room whatsoever, besides a few straggler days, but i’m gone for a 12 camping trip in bristol/stonington, and then i have 7 days to relax before headed to seoul.  honestly, i’m so excited, because i really love to be engaged and busy and having fun, and this summer, so far has been just that.  i’m looking to book a flight from PWM to New Orleans come end of august, but i don’t know how that will turn out, because i have a feeling my posse will be in school.  i can keep my fingers crossed though, because i don’t want to wait until mardi gras to come down.  what to do for the remainder of the week? read i suppose.  maybe if i do all my homework now, i can even try to get down to new orleans from the first of august until the fifth or something.  at this point, what i know is that i will be down in the N O this summer to see everyone, and then i will be spending as little time in portland as humanly possible.


enfin's reality, Uncategorized


lately i feel as though life has been rather dismal. i suppose the climate has been part of the reason, and then the return to hell has also encouraged negative emotions. i’m sure many would classify this as a “typical” angsty rant, but it is in no way that- esp if you know me personally. school has become incredibly difficult to bear- seeing as its the home stretch, and i am left with 31 days of classes as of the present moment. 43 days in total. i never have been completely comfortable in school, but as of today, i realized just how much i don’t fit in.  is it me, or am i crazy? sitting in french, the only person actually doing their work, while everyone else mingled and browsed the web- not to say that i didn’t. minding my business, making sure to avoid conversation with my classmates, i look up only to be met with the infuriated face of the class douche bag. his eyes- intent, searing even. he demands the eight dollars i owe him, which i would have gladly given to him, if he had stopped right there. but being the class douche bag, means you must follow protocol. he tells me how i’ve avoided him for two weeks. pardon my french, but no fucking way. north carolina one week- no classes the other. why would i have called him up (not to say i even have his digits) and ask him to meet me downtown so i could give him eight dollars. two more minutes into his rant he tells me he has no money to his name, besides the two dollars in his pocket. my mind was already made up at this point- if he was treating me so disrespectfully, why in hadestown, would i give him the money that i supposedly owe him? he could certainly work for it a bit harder, and he could certainly treat me a bit nicer. in the end, when i got mouthy with him, shot him a “well i’m not working either, and the fact that you’re disrupting the entire class, making a scene and presenting yourself as a tool, is rather immature, and that in no way, makes me want to give you money,” he glares at me, telling me he’ll get his fucking money, and i tell him, he sure as hell will- but all in good time mind you. he “mellows out” or so he claims, but i hear him tell the only other male in our class that he will punch me if i don’t give him his money. to that, all i have to say is suck it. he won’t be getting his eight dollars anytime soon, especially with threats and arrogance added into the mix.

besides that encounter, i also speculated on the majority of kids who i spend the majority of my day with. everyone is upset in one part of their life, so in an odd way… we’re all on the same boat. sounds kind of ridiculous, seeing as i’m rather claustrophobic, and the last thing i’d ever do to myself is take a confining trip with these people. i can’t work… not for a few weeks. retail is slow- what can i say? and i’m not one to work weekends.  tomorrow, ten entire months have passed since i lost my father. it’s bewildering to think of that- to think of how quickly time passes. i can already tell that today (tomorrow?) will not be a good day for me. i’m cramming every free moment with things i ought to busy myself with- especially homework assignments.

for the past month or so i’ve been faced with serious writer’s block, and its gotten to the point where i can’t even figure out the beginning to a new story.  all i want to do is write…. and i suppose that’s all i’ll do. its important i get some sleep, seeing as that’s the only thing that allows me to clear my head. perhaps i should call m for morale, or maybe even a… what good will come of either of those phone calls though? whether or not its worth the risk… i’m still uncertain.