enfin's reality, photography


my friends find me funny

i’m alive and in good standing.  a new job, some great friends, wonderful evenings, and a few questionable decisions, yet i’m here, in good health, and in a wonderful spirit.  photos are being developed, scanned, and of course organized.  apologize for being like a ghost… i just am not a reliable blogger.

pardon my sporadic appearances, they’ll return to being normal at one point in the future.

for now,

xoxo– enfin

enfin's reality

i’m not getting paper

my time spent in franconia after the fact, was wonderful.  in addition to the white mountains, i made a visit to the green mountains, spent the night in the most wonderful of homes, and woke up to a sunrise unmatched by all others.  driving down the highways of vermont at 5 in the morning, was perhaps one of the most beautiful drives i’ve ever taken.  the sun barely peaking up over the rolling hills, and the steam rising off of the icy lakes not only inspired me, but sent chills up my spine.

all i needed was the coziest of sweat pants, my henry james, the best smoothie, and some lovely jams to allow me to settle into my seat for the two hour drive.  waking up early can be boiled down to these necessities, and with these things comes happiness.

after a bittersweet goodbye breakfast with a wonderful friend in franconia, i walked four miles to sugar hill and made myself comfortable in bette davis’s old cottage.  a little bit of sunshine mixed with local maine brews and some awful television filled my afternoon until i was whisked away back to maine, which i inwardly protested.  having been back close to a week, it’s still heart-wrenching to be torn away from a place where i was at peace with myself.  i’ve seen people who i’ve wanted to see, and while it’s been nice, there’s something enticing about hiding out in the summer.  sometimes i just want to forget the world and be completely present with myself.  that however is near impossible, though perhaps someday i will achieve that state of being.

enfin's reality

what this has meant to me

this minute wrinkle in time, for me, has done so much.  i left tired and in a bad place– and here i am, almost a week after tamarack has ended, wishing i didn’t have to return to my normal life.  perhaps i should clarify that if it were possible, i wouldn’t return.  the only reason why i am going back to maine is because of work, which in some ways is a decent incentive, because i need to make bank.  but the people up here, the way of life, and the amount of happiness that i feel on a regular basis, is unable to be replicated at home.  home for me is so transparent in meaning- a won’t be returning until august, and i just wish i could stay here in the beautiful white mountains.  the national forest has become my home- six hours of tennis a day, living with some incredibly great people, and even those who lacked the fundamentals of being kind, is all that i want.  summer without structure is pointless for me– it’s an opportunity to expand my horizons and meet new people.  That’s why this summer has thus far been what I’ve needed- but upon returning to Portland, all of that structure is compromised.  The community and support net that is found at Tamarack is unmatched by any other summer program I’ve ever participated in.  It has already earned the title of a second home, and I’d like to remain here until school starts up.  To meditate and remove myself from the reality that I live in year round is something that I desperately need- but unfortunately that can’t take place back home.  I will admit that I miss a few people, and I miss my cats, but I wish I could scoop all of that up and bring them here to be with me.  Too bad that won’t happen.

enfin's reality

where do i begin?

I don’t know what to say other than sorry.  You must understand that the past two months have been overwhelmingly busy- so many weekends wasted with SATs, preparing for exams, prom, graduation, beach trips, working brunches, final projects, becoming a senior, planning college visits, and being with friends and family.  I’ll try and provide you with a decent update- but bear with me! Before I delve into what I’ve been up to for the past two months or so, I must warn you, I’m about to leave for 3 weeks and I’ll be without internet and phone reception until July 10th or so.  I’m headed up to the White Mountains to play some tennis, and come back a changed person.  Without getting too enthralled, I must say that I’m really excited.  But let’s change the subject.

I’ve told you about the new kitten already.  She remains nameless, though I’ve been considering calling her Killer because she killed my fish Johnny.  But if you have any ideas please send them to me.  She’s a little fireball, full of energy and no limitations.  She’s pretty spiteful towards people who discipline her too… it’s quite funny! But I love her nonetheless, and she’s made a wonderful addition to our little family.

Memorial Day Weekend rendered a lot of fuuuun.  I went to the beach for the first time with my good friend Hanae, and then a few days later found myself at Fenway watching a White Sox v. Red Sox game with Sam.  We got tickets for his graduation present and even though the White Sox won, we had a lot of fun.  The next day, Sam and I headed into the North End and explored a bit.  On Salem Street we found the most wonderful cafe- Cafe Nuovo, there’s a review on Vin et Grub- so click here to read it!

The rest of that week was full of exams- which ended up turning out quite well.  I didn’t fail a single one, even though I felt like I failed three out of five.  That Saturday ended up being prom which was a nice time.  Really low key, and full of great moments with friends.  Our photos didn’t turn out that well- turns out Sam and I are really bad at taking photos together, but needless to say we had fun.  The next morning we woke up super early and got breakfast at Beckys before I had to work brunch.  Personally, I thought it was a really nice way to end the week.

Monday brought the class picnic, which proved eventful.  I got the worst sunburn of my life, and a kid hit a woman in the face with a baseball, and she needed to be taken away by an ambulance.  It was nice to be outside and see my classmates, even though it was really hot and we were at one of my least favorite locations in Maine.  Tuesday was pretty relaxing too.  I made some blueberry ice cream- recipe soon to be posted on Vin et Grub, played some tennis, and had a low key evening in Westbrook.  Wednesday was a little different- final day of school- our exams were handed back, and then I headed to Pai Men and ate Ramen with Hanae.  We later drove to her house in Freeport, and went to a baseball game in Wiscasset to see Sam and some of our other friends play.  The night ended with some delicious Japanese Curry Rice!

Thursday was such a nice day in my opinion.  Hanae and I drove to Popham early in the morning, and almost fell asleep in the sand.  It was sooo warm out- almost 93 degrees.  We had to go to our tennis team picnic in Buxton, but luckily we got to swim in a nice pool and play some tennis on clay courts- a rare treat up north.  That night was pretty nice too, I went to Westbrook again and watched some Pokemon! I know that sounds awfully childish, but sometimes I really like to watch old tv shows that bring me back to my childhood.  Friday was my favorite day though.  I woke up really early and drove down to Arundle with my favorite coworker Miranda, and we went antiquing! In the afternoon, I drove over to the fields to watch Sammy graduate, and afterwards we went out to dinner with a party of nine.  Around 10 or so, we found ourselves at Higgins Beach, sitting and looking at the stars.  After a really quick nighttime swim, we jumped into the car and sped to Portland, where our night ended with a few episodes of Cops and other trashy tv programs.

I feel like I’ve lost my knack for writing– but I promise it’ll come back.  I guess I just wanted to prove to you guys that I have been incredibly busy and there’s been little time for blogging.  I promise that as the summer progresses I’ll become a better blogger.

Sorry this has been a really boring post! I need to go get ready for an 8:30 Res at a mysterious restaurant, and I’ll try posting a few more times before I leave for tennis in NH!


enfin's reality

it’s my pleasure

it’s been way too long, i know, i know- but i’m back aaand i’m here to stay.  happy may everyone- yeah i’m aware i’m 22 days late, but i’d like to say happy may anyway.  the weather has been wretched, might i add, there’s been little to no sun, and this makes me quite sad.

i just want the summer to hurry up.  this past week has been quite blissful.  i like that school’s nearing an end, and that i’m free all summer to do what i want, work where i like, and those sorts of things.  beach days everyday makes me smile just when i start to think about it.  besides that, i’m just counting down to exams– this week marks the beginning of review (!) and then school’s out.

I have a feeling that the summer is going to be a great one to say the least- let’s hope i’m right about that.  i want to update this blog more often- seeing as i focus a lot of my attention of vin et grub (which will soon be undergoing a makeover!!!).  so now that free time is beginning to surface, expect to see more of me on here.



enfin's reality, photography


my stresses are few now; the SATs are over, my history exam is finished, and i’m jetting off for a nice four day vacation in the deep south.  93 degree temperatures, sunny skies, days spent by the pool, antiquing, and playing golf and tennis are just what i needed after this stressful spring.  hopefully everything will remain calm in the coming weeks- in fact, i only have 13 days of classes left.

i’m in desperate need of the summer- though i still don’t know what i’m doing.  cross your fingers that i’ll know sooner rather than later.



enfin's reality, photography

it’s as black as any night

i present to you a medley of summer film, shot in numerous places (most notably south korea) and in addition, a brief STOC.

trembling ever so lightly, i raised my nikon to my right eye, focused the lens, and shot this photo.  korea was full of murals, shrines, and monuments.  this one particularly struck me because it was in the dmz, and families who are separated by north and south leave one another notes and wishes on this fence.  as i made my way around the dmz i couldn’t help but feel a sense of sorrow floating about the trees, spewing from the birds, and releasing in the scent.  stalemate.  that’s what the treaty is defined as between north korea and south korea.  that’s what i felt.  in addition to a very odd, yet satisfying amount of peace as well.  a sanctuary of sorrow and peace.  being idle equates to nothing.

scarborough beach circa august 2010.  meandered to the beach with jaime reagan and company.  the swells were constant and overwhelming.  the sun was directly overhead, and the white sand was absorbing all the heat from the center of our galaxy.  i can’t say that i went to the beach for leisure too often this past summer, but of the few trips i did make, this was certainly the most satisfying.  immediately following the beach, we drove to the maine squeeze where jaime and i indulged in some green drinks.

alpha cave and beta bitches- plus caliboy.  these folks made my july the best july i’ve ever had.  when i first encountered them, i was unsure whether i’d get along with the group.  but sure enough, we made friends fast, and i still cannot imagine spending the entire july with any other group of people but these.  mr. t remains calm and collected, posing next to jaime who is in the midst of laughing at max’s absurd gesture he made seconds before this shot was snapped.  caliboy remains the same as mr t, and max, eli, and myself share a laugh about supertramp and the nose.

as i headed to the seoul fish market i traveled down a tunnel full of produce stalls managed by the wives of farmers.  this shot is perhaps one of the best i’ve snapped this summer.  while the exposure isn’t as great as i wish, the idea of the scene is still visible, and i think in some ways its executed quite well.  this woman, who has her hand resting on her hip found me and my traveling companions ridiculous and troublesome.  she was selling sesame leaves, dried maggots, and garlic.  the vendors sat on the ground while guys on mo-peds whizzed by.

snap-shot/portrait of my dear madre.  we were eating at saporro, i was house-sitting, and korea was just around the corner.  she was angry because her water had ice and no lemon, even though she asked twice for water without water with a lemon.  i suppose being picky isn’t the best thing when ordering water.  it was humid, and rain was on the way.  following this excursion i made my way home, and took a brief nap before running up to walk the little puppy on the hill.

after waiting for what seemed like a million seconds, potter did the first step to my swallow tattoo.  the pressing remained on my back for an extra twenty minute before he began a two and a half hour ink session on the very small swallow located on my upper left shoulder blade.   potter was impressed by my ability to fall asleep during the whole tattoo sesh, and in addition, i was a “very nice foreigner”.  he was sweet, that goes without saying, and he also was the best dressed korean i had seen that day- rocking a pair of tie-dyed balloon cotton pants, jesus sandals, and a black wife beater.

ms. chelsea, a very good friend, was married to her dearest john on august 29th.  the wedding was out of control and on the island.  we took an early boat over, and the good times started to roll at 2pm.  clearly, after this little soire, i know that i can handle a large amount of alcohol.  as A and i later hypothesized, the entire wedding was just an excuse to get loved ones together to drink to their heart’s content. and the choice of drink was limited to miller light, pbr, pinot grigo, pinot noir, merlot, and jello shots made with meyer’s rum.  very limited indeed.

when anne and cory first observed my camera, they struck a pose, but after i took a little while explaining i didn’t like poses, they began to ignore me, thus allowing me to get a candid shot like the one above.  anne and cory are my favorite couple in the entire world.  leading the bridal party, anne wore her black dress from bliss, paired with a legit pair of frye motorcycle boots.  miss rock n roll asian is pretty B.A.

jack and andrew pickin’ around at their octopus entree.  squirmy, yummy, delicious, we are strong…like warriors.

Mr. I tried his best with snappin’ some candid shots of my session with potter… while he is an amateur at camera usage, i enjoyed this photo and i still do.  this was about half-way into our session, and potter had just started shading.  b-roc, the miniature dog was moving about beneath the table, and my hand was resting on potter’s thigh.  i didn’t quite know where to put my hands the entire session, for they kept falling asleep.

this is my depiction of silence at the boston public library.  i’m very pleased with how this came out, besides the little light leak on the bottom left.

sinchon at night.  neon signs have a power over a human’s feeble mind.  all things that sparkle/glitter attract our attention, and sinchon was just that… a big ball of sparkley, glittery, neon signs.  i miss the vendors, the street food, the hemp stores, the cheap shoes, expensive skincare, and ironic shirts that would say, “it girl” or “diamonds or gold please”… did i say ironic, i meant idiotic!

Mr. I all dolled up, and finally he admits that he is a hash hippie.

the weekend brings me once again to the humble abode in cambridge, and immediately post-weekend, i am back in school, ramming my head into chem books, alg2acc books, russian history middle ages text + freeze text, pride and prejudice, and translating latin that i would have never thought possible to translate until now.  rest well portland, enfin will be back.

post scriptum: i was at norms tonight and got to spend some time with my surrogate big bro who i haven’t seen in what seems like ages.  now i know that i’ll have some guaranteed help for my struggling times in mathematics class.

enfin's reality, photography

don’t stop

this rain needs to END.  i don’t need to feel any worse than i currently am- and the rain always adds on to that.  tired of running- though my body needs to move, because i haven’t moved it in quite sometime.

i miss kimchi.  i miss b108.  i miss seoul and everything it has to offer.  cambridge is disappointing.  oona’s got screwed over and is now cleaner and more organized than i see fit.  a stag visit to garment district tomorrow, followed by a sean kingston concerto.

it seems as though once your life begins changing, it continues to change and change and change, and then you’re left with a pile of befuddlement, and you don’t quite know what to do.  in my case, i suppose all i can do, is read, learn, run, and make do with the situation i’ve got.  maybe a vacation is in order… though i suppose this one hasn’t ended quite yet.

perhaps in this instance, distance is for the greater good- and whatever is there may survive (though knowing how i work, it won’t).  i can dream though.  awaiting on fucking photoshops to develop my shit- though i’ll be incredibly reluctant to look at the photos because i’ll just be even more weary of my surroundings.

so it goes… life is

everything and nothing.  why can’t you just be next to me thinking these thoughts and making this normal?

enfin's reality, music, photography

smokin that !@#%

rest in peace blank roll of film.  i don’t remember what images decorated your frames, but i’m sure i would have liked most of them.  here are some more film-scans.

we were on a boat, 30 miles out. le crew de sos.

ms shrada’s self-portrait.

independence day- anna joyce

pemaquid point- woke up to this for two weeks.

pre-max’s emergency room visit

along 101

this wins favorite photo of the past three months.

greek yoghurt gods smiled at me.

monhegan, maine.

i plan on sittin’ on the porch and sipping a corona with lime soon.  how soon, i do not know.  but plans usually formulate in my world.

tomorrow: relaxing, beach, falls, baseball game with family involved, beginning to pack shiet up for SKOR.  so enthused.  hope i don’t shoot blank rolls in korea. so excited, so excited. kim jong il better greet me with open arms, and a bottle of vin.