enfin's reality

today has been absolutely wonderful.  regardless of how early i awoke, i’ve had the most pleasant day.  it started with strawberry picking in scarborough- and these berries were so delicious and juicy and mouth watering, it made me want to pick like 80 pints. i got sunkissed and freckled and then i walked up the east end, bought some iced coffee with soy supp, and then began work.  now i’m headed to SPACE to see Ted Leo & The Rx.  So frikin excited.  ecstacy excited.  tomorrow brings adventures with mr sean, and i hope to buy a new nose ring & get it changed- although i’m dreading the pain.  monday i’m with miss lily and hopefully we’ll head to the beach.  on tuesday, miss annie, who i haven’t seen in ages, a trip to salvie’s and higgins is truly in order. and finally, wednesday, miss bela, how i’ve missed the darling.  clothing swap and all that jazz.  i’m planning on getting out of maine on the 29th or 30th, and catchin’ a flight to MSY.  tomorrow is daughter’s day, i’ll be begging for a roundtrip ticket down south, and on thursday, miss m will be back from EUROPE.  it’s almost been an entire year since my father passed away, and i’m feeling it.  i don’t know what to expect on the 28th, but i know that he wouldn’t want me to be sad. his life was short- and as they say, only the good die young.  i’ve been overly emotional the past week- not to mention, girly. i’m not taking to heart my horoscopes, because at this point in time, i don’t know if i trust them.  to do.

-buy b&w film
-buy color film
– short shorts & bathing suit
-beach days
-strawberry picking
-iced coffee
-the eNOh
-finish life of pi
-yard saling
-dinner party
-get dolled up
-grow my hair out
-be realistic
-accept grief
-be pleasant
-take photos
-finish a story
-write some poetry
-go swimming
-see more fireflies
-be sociable
-change nose ring (OUCH)

enfin's reality, Uncategorized


ratatat is rockin’ my world as of now. experiencin’ them springtime blues.
farmer’s market? pretty mint. cinco de mayo? everyone is a little mexican at heart. it’s thursday already, and let’s just say that i couldn’t be more elated.

Suddenly, from all the green around you,
something-you don’t know what-has disappeared;
you feel it creeping closer to the window,
in total silence. From the nearby wood

you hear the urgent whistling of a plover,
reminding you of someone’s Saint Jerome:
so much solitude and passion come
from that one voice, whose fierce request the downpour

will grant. The walls, with their ancient portraits, glide
away from us, cautiously, as though
they weren’t supposed to hear what we are saying.

And reflected on the faded tapestries now;
the chill, uncertain sunlight of those long
childhood hours when you were so afraid.

Rainer Maria Rilke

and enfin may just in fact, love you.

enfin's reality, Uncategorized

blooming season


oh moon- what wonderful, half-hearted moon. can’t describe what kind of mood this is. perhaps… in-fucking-furiated. i hate arguments, especially when the other person is too caught up in listening to what they’re talking about opposed to listening to the other person’s POV. i’m sick of all this month has to offer. i’m tired of most people, i’m dreading school more and more each day-and i just feel like i’m slowly losing control of this situation. observation in regards to 5/4/2010: i hate manipulative people who pull cheap cards in the midst of an engaging altercation- one that ought NEVER be used in a nice clean fight, those kids who are high-school crazed (by this I mean, those you see on your way to work, who are wearing onesie pajamas and have their faces painted blue & white for spirit week, or those who insist on wearing their uniform everytime they have a home game, or even those who just don’t seem to get that after high school you go onto to bigger and better doldrums) disgust me, words are more powerful than they may appear, and it looks as though lately my luck has been taking a hiatus and nothing i am hoping for is happening- my best friends are disappearing, and i am getting more and more anti-social as the spring moves on. too bad i suppose. although, could i care any less? probably not.  oh yeah, and to the north deering kids of HR: 107, joke’s on you. i have a tattoo and i’m proud of it, bitches.


excerpt of a poem by EE Cummings

(While you and i have lips and voices which
are for kissing and to sing with
who cares if some oneeyed son of a bitch
invents an instrument to measure Spring with?

that is some genius poetry my friends.  thank buddah i have one person i can count on for using their creative license properly.

& what do you do with the pieces of a brokenn hearrrt?

nothing. you let them stew. and you cry. and everything that’s typical of homo sapiens. too bad i forget what a broken heat feels like. i’m basically done with homework for the rest of the week. wow. its not like i have anything else to do either. by the way- happy early cinco de mayo.


enfin's reality

the lighter died.


tandem bikes listen to that by the LK.

here i am. in north carolina. for the first time. ever. unless a trip to the charlotte airport counts, although, i highly doubt that it truly does.  yesterday was a long day of travel, tons of delays and bumpy skies and busy roads. but all in all, i got to durham/chapel hill an hour later than expected, in one piece.  M was at her trackmeet, but i didn’t see her throw because i was late. late. late. i suppose that should have been assumed in the first place, but what is done, is done. chick-fil-a (still can’t get over the spelling… i suppose new englanders want to add that filet in instead of the fil-a…) filled our stomachs, and i slept a good sleep, all until i was woke up early this morning to visit DA. it was a school, and that was my very impression. my only impression too. sure schools tend to differ in material, but all have the same sense of an educational establishment which one becomes familiarized with over the course of their 13 years in public edu. or private, or what have you. anyway, i read outside for sometime- something i rarely have the chance to do in maine, and that made me happy. then we ventured to a thai cafe and to m’s infamous lo-yo and we had a superb time talking. all this “update” writing is making me feel out of place. seeing as i’m currently reading catcher in the rye for the thousandth time, i feel like holden, and i am viewing everything as “phony”. its unfortunate, yeah? anyway…


o, how i’d love a party like the above. summertime is approaching! m, annie, and i will drive to the coast and eat strawberries and blackberries, and dance to k’naan and tunng and all the good summer music.  we’ll eat oranges and sip tea on the maine state pier at 5am, and we’ll build forts and go on bike rides, and take many many photos. i’m really counting on the upcoming season of liberty to be the best one yet- seeing as last year’s sucked so bad. see my nice inclusion of slang? anyway, ive sent out good energy to the deities of summer to ensure that the three of us have the best vacation of our lives thus far. parties, and friends (if we need them) and lunches and brunches and movies and music all the way.

oh hi enfin, you are as BA as its been rumored.

memoria teneo, as i have mentioned in a previous post, did in fact happen- hence the proof, first of two photos. the second, is a quaint little rue en quebec, where i found this market that four young boys in their 20s with lots of tattoos and gauges worked in. they sold me a baguette and i played fetch with their golden retriever for a brief moment until i ran up the road to get a good shot of the chateau on my trusty ricoh. i miss quebec, but i like the south too! we’re planning an allnighter (which i can say is overdue) and a fortification and perhaps a picnic and a trip to some of m’s most mentionable places en durham/c.hill/raleigh or i think i will refer to current location as RDU just like their airport. it will be nice to visit cambridge on sunday however, i haven’t visited since… february? i don’t recall any travels in march, however, it is entirely possible. a mixed tape is coming when i get back in the 617 or 207, depending on my mood and how i budget my time. i’m switching between, the crying of lot 49, V, How to Write Compelling Fiction- which i must add is quite delicious- and catcher in the rye (boring).


stupid couple is so stupidly cute.


i’m so happy that the spring has finally graced us.


enfin's reality

its been an empty night

i wonder if happiness is as tangible as everyone says it is. i’m not quite sure my of my true opinions on happiness, and i don’t think i could even begin to understand that emotion.  just like anything else, its temporary, and i’ve decided its not worth it trying to figure it out.  what i do know is simple: different forms of happiness exist.  i see the kind that is obtained through co-dependency, and the kind that is felt after purchasing that new car you’ve saved up for since the year before last. i don’t know if i get that surge of emotion as often as others, and i can’t label something as versatile as happiness as general, or standard, or anything like that.  it differs from being to being, and its time span is unpredictable.  i never get set on being happy for x amount of time, in fact, when i am “happy” i tend to think in a manner that most would find ridiculous. i think about the end of this elated spell, and how i’d have to transistion into another state of feeling.  life is what it is, there’s no changing that.




this week. in short, i can’t wait to get out of this state. i can’t wait to get out of this town even. everything and everyone has met ms. spiteful in the past two or three or even four days. i can’t stand there faces that are sucking the oxygen from my very lungs. i can’t stand their voices or their sayings, or their shrugging of shoulders. i can’t bear to look at anyone of them for quite some time. thank god for canada.  i leave friday and come back late sunday. then i have another two days in portland until i leave for north carolina on wednesday the 14th. i come back to new england the eighteenth, and remain in boston until the 21st.  then i will once again stay in portland until june, maybe with a few excursions to cambridge and portsmouth and brunswick in between. i’ll be laying low, avoiding those who make me unhappy. i plan on reading every book i’ve been meaning to read, and start a few new fiction works, while i ignore the ones on hold currently. i just would like summer to come really soon. spring is nice, but its fever is contagious. saturday… i’m planning on getting my ink sesh, HOPEFULLY. my artists are being iffy and are bad at communicating, but i will figure something out. i want this so much, therefore, whilst in canada, i will get it. i also need to send in a roll of film because the darkroom lacks proper chemicals. in addition to that, i’m working up a storm at holly and folly, and i have practice everyday, but i think i’m only going to two *thankfully*. maybe my luck will change for the better this upcoming week. tomorrow at some point i will give you a glimpse of the past day! it was pretty nice. until then, from portland west to portland east, i wish you the very best.


enfin's reality

its always rainy in portland


hey-o. stupid its always sunny in philadelphia… i miss my days of avid tv watching. anyway, wednesday is over in 2o minutes- such a beautiful thing if you ask me. two days left of this wretched school week. and yes, i can survive it thank you, but tomorrow evening will be hellish, seeing as i have to finish the sound and the fury. stupid faulkner, why did you have to write in a manner that i do not care for? huh? huh? okay. well yes.. i don’t know either.  i’m a bit nervous because i had to email the ink-shop about changing my appointment to a later time, and i really want them to be accomodating and all “yes of course, 2:30 is wonderful!” in addition to that, i’m having problems with my yashica and batteries and making a hold.  anyone who knows how to do that, please inform me immediately.  gratitude will come later.

for the past, 24hours? i’ve been working on a collaborative with my friend danger, entitled, kale and radishes.  it’s turning out lovely, and it will be posted when we finish (the non-existing god knows when that will be…).  i traveled to brunswick today- scored a few pieces of vinyl, and a nice large coffee, which was an interlude to all the other cups of coffee i drank today. tea will be my drink of choice tomorrow, or i will reek of permanent coffee stench.

this summer i have an itch to go scrumping.  do you think i should scrump with M, or A? hm. in the comfort of my home this evening i bake a lemon basil cake.  it turned out edible to say the least, if not delicious.  and i also made my marinara sauce.  i still have a case of cooking blues (which is contradictory) how do you like my antilogy? but yes. tomorrow… i have to work. but that means money for quebec.  and also norms later in the evening (i need camraderie ASAP). friday is similar to tomorrow, classes, working, artwalk (with my rollerderby bud) and then saturday i have a vintage sale to attend, some work to do, and beautiful bela’s birthday to celebrate.  sunday is easter, which i will be enjoying with family members at Local 188.  also with glasses of pinot noir later in the evening.  i’d like to take ethel out this week too, seeing as the weather is looking promising tomorrow onward.  i believe i should curl up in my bed now. because im starting to mash thoughts and i don’t want STOC to appear in my entry.  FICTION IS COMING. I PROMISE. i will work on it at some point tomorrow.  (bio?hist?art?)


enfin's reality

wild goose chase


so oh ho. i feel as though i’ve started a trend… staying up late, waking up early, rinse repeat, xyz. anyway, today, tuesday, rainy. tomorrow or is it today? wednesday, clearing, confusing. the show was absolutely lovely. i realized i should have taken a few pictures with my digital camera, but i took a good amount on my Ricoh, so when i finish this roll of film (colour…ick) i will send ’em out, and scan ’em up so you can see the beautiful people of dark dark dark in EAST portland. but it was a good show, besides the transportation getting to SPACE (seeing as it was torrential downpours and riotous winds). bright bright bright is better than alright, although i do have to admit, Snow Magic is one of my favorite records (maybe of all time).  besides the show, i bought film, and a lot of coffee, and i considered buying batteries (but i didn’t) and i almost finished a painting.  the rain tires me out, even if i lay in bed all day.  i guess i’m looking forward to next saturday and then april 24th. and also any day i can sleep in, because i’m lacking on that front right now.

i know this will make many of you sad, but can we just hope that it rains all day so i don’t have to go practice? i’d rather come home, do a bit of work, cook a lemon basil cake, and go to bed. cross yer fingers.

yesterday was: nice altogether because of dark x3, cafe noir, pinot noir, messy hair, silence gnawing at my head, x’s, and hugs from trout.


enfin's reality

חג כשר וסמח chag pesach sameach

happy passover. first and foremost i despise the following week because it always feels as though whatever you do, whether you be jewish, catholic, or agnostic, that in one way or another you’re doing wrong unto the world. but two days down, five to go.  today, (tuesday) is promising.  even though the weather is crappy and sad, i’m sort of looking forward to the day.  it’s almost at the point where i keep observing the time and i think that it’d be the smartest thing if i stayed up all evening into the morning doing homework, catching up on enfinoui, and cleaning and then head to school, grab a large coffee and take a nap. but i think i’ll end up sleeping in a while.


today. no tennis. no work. homework…yes. waking up early… maybe.  relaxation… hopefully.  i’m seeing dark dark dark tonight at SPACE. I cannot wait.  If you live in Portland head to SPACE tonight and hear them play.  They’re putting on their Bright Bright Bright LP and some songs from Snow Magic for the crowd.  I’m hoping my Yashica will be in working condition in 24 hours so I can capture the show on my black and white film.  i also feel like making pizza… why am i thinking about food already though? that’s a bit sad. basil, lemon, cake. delicious. i’m getting off track. apologies. st.oc. that’s my stream of consciousness abrev. yes, anyway, GO SEE DARK DARK DARK or die. the end. put an end to that huh.? didn’t i? oh i sure did. this is not artfully narrated.  i’m really sorry, but all of my talent has flown out the door. what a shame! i know, right. even my neighbor’s pet bird agrees. i can hear her chirping through these thin walls. paper thin. modest mouse. isaac brock. road trip to outwest this summer. HELL YES. who wants to join?

im going to stop now because i am making no sense  and i also feel as though i may be muttering a bit too loud.

im feeling: ohheyo, i miss its always sunny in philly, tired, ‘cited-‘cited, byebye the awful lovin’ rain, vinyl hours and incense, crackin’ the bottles, zombieblood, fiction NEEDS to be finished, intrigue intrigue intrigue, lurv, dance sesh with invisies?


enfin's reality

we will hustle hustle hustle to be free

I awoke with the dreaded thought that it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon, but it wasn’t! ’twas only noon, so i was a bit happier than i initially thought.  i watched a bit of stupid cable, and then i headed to arabica for toast and cafe noir and some camraderie with anna.  while there i eavesdropped and heard about this wonderful little yardsale that cap’in hanna was having! she’s a great tattooist and she is moving all the way to san fransisco! so i went up and i scored… i don’t even know how to put it any other way than that.  i got a very sweet vintage skirt, about eight lovely t-shirts, a cowboy shirt with plaid trim, a crocheted framed picture of dauchsands, and finally a spectacular framed poster of the exhibit FAMILY ALBUMS! the thing that made everything so great was the price! i only spent ten dollars, and i don’t think i will have the need to buy shirts for quite sometime! yay! over time pictures will pop up, but right now i’m really lazy and don’t feel like taking a picture of everything i got.

when i got home i was locked out, so i sat in the hallway and had to listen to my neighbor’s atrocious soundtrack of buck cherry and killa 80s bands.  i don’t know how long i sat on the floor for, and in addition to my waiting, i had no phone, ipod, and obviously no key.  pure torture, but sheer amusement.  when i finally got let in, i busied myself with laundry and sunday chores, and then finally got to cook! i made gnocchi (homemade) with brown butter kale sage sauce with white wine. i don’t know what to call the sauce because all the ingredients are equally delicious! i also made chocolate ice cream sandwiches with the popovers and chocolate sauce.  i’m planning on posting the recipes tomorrow! i also did about two hours of biology homework, and i skipped studying for history and studying the west nile virus.  i hate third quarter more than anything in the entire world. well…not really.  although this week i think i get out early wednesday, thursday, and friday! that means either i get to work longer (equals more cash earned) or i get to take afternoon naps which are always so helpful!

how was your sunday? for some reasons i just love sundays…perhaps because they are so banasuic, but also because they are comforting.

i am feeling: tired and tummy aches, not ready for the rain or for forty degree weather, i hate mondays i hate mondays!, curiousity kills de cats….i want to have a haus party with dinner and white wine!

ps: i kinda want to make a blackberry plum tart! this week i’m super inspired to cook.  tomorrow i’m making a radish cucumber vietnamese salad with white rice and miso soup, wednesday i’m making cauliflower and kale soup, and thursday i was thinking honey dijon chicken with beets and sauteed mushrooms! coookity cookity cook! i wish i had someone to cook for.

enfin's reality

spring equals cravings

i had a lovely time picnicking by myself this past afternoon! ethel even made her way up a hill! i listened to Local Natives and Tuung! I ate a delicious turkey and cheddar sandwich on rosemary parmesean bread with spinach, and fruit salad (bananas, granny smith apples, blackberries, cantaloupes, and strawberries), and iced tea.  i read some of Faulkner’s the sound of the fury and i laid in the sun! then i rode ethel home and watched house.  i babysat after that, and then i got home, about an hour ago and had this sudden urge to make popovers and thinly baked potatoes! below are the recipies to both delicious dishes!

spring time popovers

1 cup of all purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoon motron salt
2 large brown eggs
1 cup of whole milk
1 tablespoon melted unsalted butter

preheat your conventional oven to 400 degrees, and keep muffin tin inside oven until preheated.  while oven preheats take all ingredients and combine in blender, food processor, or by hand.  grease warm muffin tin and pour batter into each cup about half way to 3/4 of the way full! then put in oven and bake for 40 minutes.  when removed from oven, cut a slit in the top of the popover so steam can escape! serve with fresh strawberries! (makes 6-9)

thinly baked potatoes

1/2 a red potato
3 tablespoons of olive oil
a healthy dash of motron salt
a healthy dash of fresh ground black pepper
a handful of shredded parmesean or cheddar cheese

thinly slice your half potato into circles no thicker than 1/8 of an inch, 1/16 is ideal.  place into a baking dish, and overlap them.  drizzle potatoes with olive oil, and then add salt and pepper.  shake around in the dish to ensure proper mixing.  bake in a 400 degree oven for 25 minutes.  when finished, sprinkle with shredded mozzarella or cheddar cheese and have a side of ketchup handy!

enjoy the grub!