enfin's reality

b mine

sorry i’ve been MIA.  this week has been a hailstorm of negative energy to be entirely honest.  I’ve had moments of absolute euphoria, but for the most part, things have been below mediocre, and i’ve been really irritable.  in addition, i’ve just acquired some sort of malady and could barely walk today.  thankfully tomorrow is friday, but that means weekend, which means waking up early to no relief. but that’s fine because i like going to work.  saturday i’m going to a Love Party and making homemade pasta for sammy blue eyes, and sunday i’m doing a late Yin yoga class.  i just know that i want to take it relatively easy especially after last weekend.  february break is right around the corner (yes!), and i have plans to go to montreal for a few days to visit a close friend and look at concordia and mcgill.  i’m happy that i’ll get to sleep at least a little, and maybe i’ll spend a day up at sugarloaf too, which would be nice.  this is a pretty ridiculous post- i’m sorry, but soon i’ll get back in the habit and have some nice things to say.

have a happy friday?

-enfin

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enfin's reality, photography, pop culture

you have rosy cheeks

sorry i’ve taken a little break.  when i’m in classes it’s just incredibly hectic and the only thing i ever want to do is sleep, so i sleep as much as i can.  that was the issue last semester- borderline sleep deprivation, which one, makes me edgy & jumpy, two, seems to make me sick all of the time, and three is never worth the momentary feeling of accomplishment.  so now i’m getting back in the swing of things (hey it’s only taken me 20 days really…) and i’m trying to do as little as possible in order to sleep like a normal person.  i guess i should clarify in saying that i’m just not that sociable at the moment, so i’ve been enjoying my quiet afternoons reading the world’s worst novel- the house of the spirits- and finishing all of my assignments by 10pm nightly.  it’s worth it… or so i keep telling myself.

anyway, i’m sending in my submission to a play festival on monday, and at this point i’m really content with what i’ve done.  it’s been such a long time since i’ve actually finished a piece of writing- so it’s a gulp of fresh air, so to speak, and an emotion i haven’t felt in a long time- pride.

i really wish i could put forth a more thoughtful post- and perhaps i will tonight, but right now i’d rather go eat dinner, finish my work, and then watch jersey shore, because snooki is in jail and i want to see what happens.

and as a crazy surprise i have posted all sorts of film that i’ve recently developed from the fall.  buenos noches mis (mes?) amigos.

PS-let’s pray for a snowday for enfin.

xoxo

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enfin's reality

mouthful of diamonds

this was the best cake i have ever made, and it was for the best person i know.

i’m going to be absent for five or six more days, and then i promise, regular enfin posts will appear.  i think an SLR camera is underneath my tree, thus it’ll force me to blog my heart out.  no worries.  go eat some winter fare, wish me luck on my exams, and i’ll catch you on the flipflop LATEER.

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enfin's reality

(conflict)

trouble inside.  i had to part with my dearest sassy yesterday… it was perhaps one of the most difficult days of my life, and it was so terrible to see her in such a horrendous state.  i’ve lived with her for the past thirteen years, and i suppose it still feels like she’s here.  little trout keeps searching for her comrade, but she is nowhere to be found.  i already miss sassy’s venegeful stares, fiesty moods, and endearing nature.  she was always there… and i’ll never forget her.  so in short, i am emotionally drained, tired beyond imagination, and a bit blue.

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insecurities popping up.  i’m trying my hardest to hinder them.  this always seems to happen, but we’ll just hope that for once i can push them out of my mind.  wuthering and failing bonds, friendships dying, taking their toll.  not knowing who was here first and who will always be here.  inner conflicts, learning its only fair to confront rather than avoid.

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regardless, i’m trying to retain a sense of happiness.  i’m trying to understand that prevalent emotion that i’ve convinced myself hasn’t left fully.  this time of the year brings much saddness and much joy, but i can’t be so sure that it will be the same as last year.  i think back to my father, i think of the bridges burned, the changes that have overcome everyone and everything.  it’s something inevitable… this sorrow, no matter how much i cook, no matter how much i distract, my mind wanders back to thoughts that will forever make me sad.  but here, i’ll try.  i’m saying it so i mean it. 

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it’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow.  i’m quite excited because i love her so much.  we’re planning on reservations at FIGA (see vin et grub on friday) and yoga at Lila.  it’s been a sad week, and perhaps this is what’s needed to lift our spirits. today, some people made me smile, they took my mind off of the insecurities and the sorrow, and i was glad.  but now, i’m deliriously tired, i can barely fathom what’s to come, and words aren’t making sense.  i miss my best friend, i miss my kitten, i miss the feeling of no pressure.  i want to see my family, stay with them until i’m reassured of their presence.  i want to be firm in mind, and firm in spirits.

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enfin's reality

peaceful productivity

its the sudden turn of events that throws everyone off.  soon, november will grace us, and with her comes dark nights, dark mornings, dark days, and cold winds.  family dinners, friend dinners, signs of snow, frosted roads.  turkeys and ducks and stuffing and cranberries.  the desire of camraderie, prolonged hot showers, early to sleep, late to rise.  hearty meals, football sundays.  i’ve had a marvelous two days, full of afternoon naps and salary raises.  tomorrow promises a champagne cake and a viewing of the tempest and chocolat.  friday brings double yoga sessions, no class, and work.  for the first time in a while today, i giggled.  i laugh a lot anyway, that’s not rare.  but someone made me giggle.  the sort where you blush afterward, mumble some sort of awkward nothing and leave before they realize what just happened.  he made me giggle.  i’m going to try and not do that anymore, or else it’d be too obvious? i can’t wait to crunch the leaves on sunday evening, and to see rocky horror on saturday.  graveyard cupcakes for my little cousins, a maximum of three hours homework over the course of three days.  entirely do-able. catching up on all the sleep i’ve lost.  cleaning and hopefully having fun? though i know not with who yet.  sunday… scary movies? possibly guests? though they haven’t been picked.  i need coffee.  i slept for 4 hours this afternoon.  i want to sleep now.  but i’m so comfortable listening to records, editing photos, and wondering why he made me giggle.  now i just feel awkward.  as awkward as i felt when i showed up on campus soaking wet, and after i almost got hit by two cars.  oh me, oh my.  isn’t this fantastic?

In spring of youth it was my lot
       To haunt of the wide world a spot
       The which I could not love the less-
       So lovely was the loneliness
       Of a wild lake, with black rock bound,
       And the tall pines that towered around.

       But when the Night had thrown her pall
       Upon that spot, as upon all,
       And the mystic wind went by
       Murmuring in melody-
       Then- ah then I would awake
       To the terror of the lone lake.

thank edgar allen poe for his brilliance and perfection at bringing that forboding autumn ambiance to the table.

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i need to try and not be so awkward.  i think my approach is a bit backwards in the sense that when he waves, i stare.  i’ve never been good at this but now’s the time where i suppose i can improve.  i’d typically turn to cake or poetry in lieu of proper conversation, but i realize that proper conversation is something incredibly important.  maybe some luck will come my way.

 

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enfin's reality, writing

E & T: a collaboration

As I’ve taken a break from posting fiction, I thought it may interest some readers if I posted the story that’s caused me all the pain in the world and is the reason why my creative posts have become rare.  Entitled Kale and Radishes, it’s the one piece I want to finish.  I began it in collaboration with Mr. John Fury last April, and since then we have not put anything else into it.  In addition to the following manuscript, I just wanted to let everyone know that I am beginning to write a play, which at this point is called B108.  I hope to have it done by late December, and when it’s done, count on segments being posted, along with a date for where and when it will be staged.

-enfin

Prelude:

I wrote this in collaboration with my friend Tobias. It was all done over face book stauses over the course of two weeks. Spelling is bad, as is grammar, but that‘s the stylistic standpoint we‘ve chosen to use. In the beginning it’s a bit unclear as to who is narrating who. When one gets to the middle section it‘s easier to determine the narrators. Toby narrates the girl‘s life, and I narrate the boy‘s life. No ending has been discussed- no plans of reviving the tale itself have been thought about. It‘s impossible to finish this story properly without the commitment from both parties- and because Toby and Enfin have conflicting interests as of late April, it‘ll be quite a while til anything happens with this story.

And so it goes:

Untitled manuscript numero six

“she sat down to a plate of kale & radishes and looked longingly out the window. the rain falling reminded her of faraway countries, though she couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. in the next room, the television burbled about a tool to make cooking easier. on the stove, a pot frothed madly.

an alarming sound emanated from the kitchen, interrupting her thoughts. the fork dropped out of her right hand as she stood up from her battered chair which was thrifted from a yardsale the season before. for fear of knocking over a pile of her strategically stacked records, she moved with a touch of cautious air about her, and meandered into the dimly lit kitchen which resembled that of one found in industrial england centuries before her time.

the pot was a horrible anachronism that she had always despised, gleaming silver among the cast-iron skillets which hung like torture instruments over the ancient range. casting a swift glance over her shoulder at the cat about to strike an invisible mouse, she ladled out the soup which was boiling over. limp-wristed leeks clung to each other on the wooden spoon. a deft flick of her hand turned the gas off, and this motion extinguished something inside of her, too. she wondered if she had a pilot light and, if so, how she could lift her sternum and hold a match to it in order to re-ignite its slumbering stoma –

in the apartment directly above her dwelled a boy in his early twenties. i say boy because he had been stunted at the age of 15 as a result of his tumultuous rearing. much like the girl below, the boy stared out his window, which was covered with a thin film of blue tainted dust, at the rain. it was one of those moments where he felt as though the world stood still and time ceased to exist. the boy’s soul was overcome with an outlandish sense of peace, which quickly vanished as he heard a riotous yelp emerge from the hallway that neighbored his quaint flat. as his heart sank, he rose from the comfortably padded seat at his escritoire and ambled to the menacing oak door which yielded a small aperture to the world outside of his banasuic realm. an uncontrollable gasp forced its way up and out of his throat at the sight of the couple, who hailed from apartment 6C, flailing their misshapen limbs in the stale air around them and throwing each other’s valuables over the ledge of the balcony which observed the perilous stairs that led to the caverns within the blue house on arbus road.

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enfin's reality

congregation at beacon hill

it’s been a while, i know, i know.  and to be honest, i’ve been making the effort to blog, but every night i’m busy from four to eleven, and when the latter rolls around, i’m ready to crawl into my bed, curl up with trout, and cherish the mere seven hours i have to sleep until i wake up and rinse and repeat.  for the first time yesterday, i didn’t know what to do with myself with my spare time.  we were driving to spring street cafe, and i saw a school, and the oddest sensation came over me.  i wanted to be in a classroom, with the comforting ticking of a clock playing in the background, reading primary source documents about russia’s medieval history.  i’m being serious- please believe me.  it’s almost as if i’m addicted to school.  and the truth of the matter is that, i don’t enjoy school when i’m there, but when i’m outside of it, and i’m not doing anything stimulating, all i want to do is be challenged in a classroom.  i hope this says something about my adaptation skills- clearly, i’ve been able to adapt to the new school, though now that’s all that seems to matter to me.  that’s all that should matter at this point.

things to discuss that are worthwhile;

again, i find myself in cambridge/JP/boston, and i’ll be departing tomorrow late afternoon, all to find myself at home with two cats once again.  it’ll be a lonely week- and i will be looking forward to the arrival of A! i cannot wait to see her, and i cannot express how impatient i am for that day to roll around.  in the time that she’s been MIA in new hampshire, i’ve realized how much of a best friend she is to me.  i’ve also become hyper-aware of the fact that i’m pretty anti-social when it comes down to it.  while i enjoy spending time with people, i only enjoy company that means something to me- and as i’ve discovered, good company is hard to come by these days.  though, truth be told, i’ve met quite the girl at my new school.  she’s vivacious and intricately woven- similar to me in a lot of ways- odd in her own, but i like her, and we spent a tad bit of time this past wednesday with one another, journeying to the farmer’s market where we splurged a major dollar and three quarters on delicious apples- and then we conversed about the best and worst moments in our lives above the square for quite some time until we both parted for separate reasons.  it’s irksome to try and express what it feels like to be in the company of a friend.  speaking of friends, i’ve spent more time with Mr. I than originally expected.  all is swell on that front, even if we only see each other for an hour every few days, the time i get with him, i’m very happy to have.  his friendship means so much to me, and i was nervous upon starting my new school that perhaps a fallout would be around the corner, though at this point, it does not seem probable.  i miss my dear M, though i’ve come to terms with the fact that she is far away and i can’t expect to see her as much as i do come the sunny season.  in addition, i’ve also accepted that while we used to have very very habitual phone calls, they cannot always happen.  not only is she busy, but i am too.  it saddens me, but what is the entire point of a phone call? while it brings me a bit closer to her, by means of a voice, i know that i will end up sad when we hang up.  so as of late, we haven’t had too many conversations, though i’ve decided that that’s alright, because she is the sort of person that i can just pick up where we left off the last time- and those sorts of people are so hard to come across.

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as i’m not too sociable, i thought that perhaps i’d like to share the prospect of my writing a play.  for performing arts, i’ve decided to spend my mondays and thursdays making progress on a play that i’ve pondered over for quite some time.  while i’m not sure how much i will be able to put into it, i would like to have a script ready by the end of february so i could possibly put it on.  but deadlines scare me, and i have to meet many this upcoming year.  in october i have the psats, in december i have the japan scholarship deadline, in january i have SATs round one, and come february the script is due.  i hate to put a creative outlet on hold, but when comparing its merit to the others, i know that it’s last on my to-do list.  i almost am saddened by the fact that i haven’t shot any rolls of film- though at this point, i realize that it to be quite trivial seeing as i can’t afford film, i have nothing to shoot, and where has my time gone.  in addition, i haven’t even begun my fall shifts.  the christmas season is when i work at the store, and clearly, i haven’t put too much thought into trying to make a schedule for this fall.  everything is happening so fast- i have things to occupy myself with every day until 3, and that would give me two hours of work a day.  that’s not much, though i suppose, if it made sense, i could go in every day for two hours, on my off saturdays for 5, and then on wednesdays another 5.  it’s all a matter of how busy i want to be.  but i’m thinking in terms of a stable income… so i suppose i’m willing to tire myself out, and then take a long-needed break come january until march, when competitive tennis rolls around.  i’m so content with everything right now.  while i miss summer, i’m partial to sweaters and corduroys and frye boots, over daisy dukes and t-shirts.  i love autumn farmers markets, and this means that thanksgiving is right around the corner.  my semester ends two weeks before christmas, so my overall stress level out to be reduced by that point, and new classes begin the day i get back off of winter break.  if i had to be outright frank with you (hello redundancy) i’d say that i’m so pleased with life right now, even though i’m crazy busy.  i’m happy to be blogging again, and i’m really going to try quite hard to blog at least three times a week.  perhaps soon, excerpts of the play will appear, original prints, and drawings will be scanned.  oh, and the importance of weekends have kindly been emphasized since the school year has commenced- and i’m oh so glad that i look forward to the glorious weekends once again.

so many cups o’ coffee, so much nature, so much yoga, so much knowledge, need i much more than what i’ve been given? i say not.

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 today was absolutely wunderbar.  we had a fest on charles street, ate at artu1, and ended up in copley.  as for the folks at the freedom fest: legalize it benefit, i’d like to express my sincere and blunt opinion- no pun intended.  to say the least, i think it silly the united states has yet to legalize marijuana, while i am not one who indulges in herbal practices, i think its harmless, and the reason why it tends to be controversial is the sole fact that its been illegal for quite sometime.  if we want to reduce marijuana related crimes, than legalize it for godsake.  besides that, i have no reason to advocate for the legalization of the drug- regardless of the fact that its less harmful than alcohol and tobacco.  but i digress.  the point i wanted to make to all those colourful characters and performers i spotted in the common is simple.  the majority of you are the reason why marijuana is illegal. you’re irresponsible, trashy, and impulsive.  you are narcissists, and no wonder why many folks are opposed to legalizing marijuana.  you all give the cause a face, and its not an appealing one.  when i’m accosted by your fellow advocates who are baked out of their skulls, when i see  you lighting up in front of a boston police officer, when you expose young children to the drug, and when i see you sitting on the curb appearing to have not much of a life, why would i ever support your cause? if you want people to back you, then you give them a reason.  your sorry face who doesn’t pay taxes, who thinks that they’re sticking it to the man, who is “rebellious” (yeah fuckin’ right), and who is intouch with mother earth, outrage me.  stop talking about lighting up your dad.  why does anyone want to hear that? why is it all about shock value? the more shocking you are, the more disgraceful you tend to be.  i was saddened to see the people at this rally.  while the overall purpose, legalizing something that shouldn’t be illegal in the first place is just in sentiment, oftentimes the people who represent said cause are not worthy to do so.

enfinoui is back with a rather opinionated entrance.

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