enfin's reality, photography, pop culture

you have rosy cheeks

sorry i’ve taken a little break.  when i’m in classes it’s just incredibly hectic and the only thing i ever want to do is sleep, so i sleep as much as i can.  that was the issue last semester- borderline sleep deprivation, which one, makes me edgy & jumpy, two, seems to make me sick all of the time, and three is never worth the momentary feeling of accomplishment.  so now i’m getting back in the swing of things (hey it’s only taken me 20 days really…) and i’m trying to do as little as possible in order to sleep like a normal person.  i guess i should clarify in saying that i’m just not that sociable at the moment, so i’ve been enjoying my quiet afternoons reading the world’s worst novel- the house of the spirits- and finishing all of my assignments by 10pm nightly.  it’s worth it… or so i keep telling myself.

anyway, i’m sending in my submission to a play festival on monday, and at this point i’m really content with what i’ve done.  it’s been such a long time since i’ve actually finished a piece of writing- so it’s a gulp of fresh air, so to speak, and an emotion i haven’t felt in a long time- pride.

i really wish i could put forth a more thoughtful post- and perhaps i will tonight, but right now i’d rather go eat dinner, finish my work, and then watch jersey shore, because snooki is in jail and i want to see what happens.

and as a crazy surprise i have posted all sorts of film that i’ve recently developed from the fall.  buenos noches mis (mes?) amigos.

PS-let’s pray for a snowday for enfin.

xoxo

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enfin's reality

i love you, i like you, i hate you.

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you have no idea how much i want some mcdonalds right now. it’s somewhat embarassing that i’m craving this heart-attack renderer, but it looks so good, and i’ve been eating tofu for the past three weeks.  this past holiday weekend left a bitter taste in my mouth.  while i love extra days off, i felt as though all my visits with a myriad of friends lacked something.  saturday i was full of remorse and could barely conjure up enough strength to get out of my jammies to meet the day.  tis why i stayed inside until late that evening when i decided to venture outward, as to party until the sun came up.  ironically, i chose not to, and instead found myself sitting across from fortman at norms engrossed in a conversation with two of my favorite regulars- bruce and tom.  the remainder of the weekend kind of fell flat, i feel justified to say.  i cooked dinner sunday evening for M & A and produced this wonderful dessert consisting of phyllo dough, hazelnuts, sugar, maple syrup infused whipped cream, and strawberries.  i also caught the end titles of Mad Men with Mr. I.

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Monday brought about endless piles of half-completed homework.  i drank too many cups of caffine, and i fell asleep without being properly prepared for what tuesday would bring.  now i find myself, on this wonderful wednesday evening, a day ahead of schedule, with a throbbing headache.  marilyn monroe is regulating my thoughts per usual, and i have been filled with a sensation of contentedness, and i know not why.

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to celebrate the month of october, i am reading frankenstein, which proves to be everything pride and prejudice was not.  this is engaging, captivating, and vivid, where as jane austen’s masterpiece was a somber critique of the social evolution of 19th century england.  i found a wonderful recipe for panna cotta, which i’m so enthused by.  i’m unsure as to whether or not i want to pursue that tomorrow evening, or if i’d prefer baking a blackberry fig pie.  saturday renders those horrible standardized tests, though i’m in part glad, because then i will be able to sleep all afternoon with a proper excuse.  i’m trying to allot myself time to keep adding to my play, though i seem to be losing more time than i am gaining it.  so it goes, i suppose.  i’ve decided that it’s time to go back to therapy, seeing as i could use another POV that isn’t biased and comes from someone familiar.

i’ll drop off film tomorrow or on friday… depending on how productive i’d like to be.

enfin

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enfin's reality

updatez & kittehz & promises

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on this rainy october day (worst combination in my opinion) i find myself pulling an all-nighter to remain on track at school and bake cookies for tomorrow.  in the past two days i’ve baked four dozen cookies and i’m getting better at baking.  i used to bake a lot, and i still do, but i have to admit its been quite sometime since i’ve baked cookies.  cakes and tarts and pies seem to be my forte.  but so it goes, these cookies are for a cause, a good one that is.

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sublime days passing by within a blink of an eye.  keeling over on the walk home possibility, reminisce, parcels delivered and signed for, unexpected and welcomed invitations, aspirations and lots of beirut.  jane austen shall never be better than northanger abbey, writing in varsity, and ink stained digits.  memories, or would you say lacksidaciscal thoughts and spinning, arms, legs, strands of hair akimbo.  play in the works, romance on the horizon, nourished properly come the 5th day.  holidays, reunions, anxiety and depression.

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painful, wincing at the sight of them.  without gold, without tears, without what you think i need.  one too many americanos, steaming, piping hot, it’s gases making its way through the stiff autumn air.  crisp skies, big breaths, crunch crunch crunching leaves, root vegetables, increase in figs+kale.  overall bliss.

forgoing the immediate comfort of my down blanket and bed, all to be discomforted by the truths and travisties of my mind.  sleep deprivation- something i haven’t been in a while.  lots and lots of tea, missing rain slicker and umbrella soaked by nature, indulgence in warm hot showers. 

dropping roll of film from vermont/new hampshire off some point tomorrow.  shooting more saturday.  adventure photos from the past weekend are being uploaded- slowly, patiently, ever so leisurely.  tension between everyone and anyone, have i upset the one person i ought to depend on most? unsure.  losing a grip of said relationship, so nature takes its course, things end, things decay.  bring me, let me spend the day in your bed, in your world, exchanging things that have never been exchanged before.

irrationality taking over.  counting down the days.  let that nip bite your ankles.

enfin

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enfin's reality, photography

it’s as black as any night

i present to you a medley of summer film, shot in numerous places (most notably south korea) and in addition, a brief STOC.

trembling ever so lightly, i raised my nikon to my right eye, focused the lens, and shot this photo.  korea was full of murals, shrines, and monuments.  this one particularly struck me because it was in the dmz, and families who are separated by north and south leave one another notes and wishes on this fence.  as i made my way around the dmz i couldn’t help but feel a sense of sorrow floating about the trees, spewing from the birds, and releasing in the scent.  stalemate.  that’s what the treaty is defined as between north korea and south korea.  that’s what i felt.  in addition to a very odd, yet satisfying amount of peace as well.  a sanctuary of sorrow and peace.  being idle equates to nothing.

scarborough beach circa august 2010.  meandered to the beach with jaime reagan and company.  the swells were constant and overwhelming.  the sun was directly overhead, and the white sand was absorbing all the heat from the center of our galaxy.  i can’t say that i went to the beach for leisure too often this past summer, but of the few trips i did make, this was certainly the most satisfying.  immediately following the beach, we drove to the maine squeeze where jaime and i indulged in some green drinks.

alpha cave and beta bitches- plus caliboy.  these folks made my july the best july i’ve ever had.  when i first encountered them, i was unsure whether i’d get along with the group.  but sure enough, we made friends fast, and i still cannot imagine spending the entire july with any other group of people but these.  mr. t remains calm and collected, posing next to jaime who is in the midst of laughing at max’s absurd gesture he made seconds before this shot was snapped.  caliboy remains the same as mr t, and max, eli, and myself share a laugh about supertramp and the nose.

as i headed to the seoul fish market i traveled down a tunnel full of produce stalls managed by the wives of farmers.  this shot is perhaps one of the best i’ve snapped this summer.  while the exposure isn’t as great as i wish, the idea of the scene is still visible, and i think in some ways its executed quite well.  this woman, who has her hand resting on her hip found me and my traveling companions ridiculous and troublesome.  she was selling sesame leaves, dried maggots, and garlic.  the vendors sat on the ground while guys on mo-peds whizzed by.

snap-shot/portrait of my dear madre.  we were eating at saporro, i was house-sitting, and korea was just around the corner.  she was angry because her water had ice and no lemon, even though she asked twice for water without water with a lemon.  i suppose being picky isn’t the best thing when ordering water.  it was humid, and rain was on the way.  following this excursion i made my way home, and took a brief nap before running up to walk the little puppy on the hill.

after waiting for what seemed like a million seconds, potter did the first step to my swallow tattoo.  the pressing remained on my back for an extra twenty minute before he began a two and a half hour ink session on the very small swallow located on my upper left shoulder blade.   potter was impressed by my ability to fall asleep during the whole tattoo sesh, and in addition, i was a “very nice foreigner”.  he was sweet, that goes without saying, and he also was the best dressed korean i had seen that day- rocking a pair of tie-dyed balloon cotton pants, jesus sandals, and a black wife beater.

ms. chelsea, a very good friend, was married to her dearest john on august 29th.  the wedding was out of control and on the island.  we took an early boat over, and the good times started to roll at 2pm.  clearly, after this little soire, i know that i can handle a large amount of alcohol.  as A and i later hypothesized, the entire wedding was just an excuse to get loved ones together to drink to their heart’s content. and the choice of drink was limited to miller light, pbr, pinot grigo, pinot noir, merlot, and jello shots made with meyer’s rum.  very limited indeed.

when anne and cory first observed my camera, they struck a pose, but after i took a little while explaining i didn’t like poses, they began to ignore me, thus allowing me to get a candid shot like the one above.  anne and cory are my favorite couple in the entire world.  leading the bridal party, anne wore her black dress from bliss, paired with a legit pair of frye motorcycle boots.  miss rock n roll asian is pretty B.A.

jack and andrew pickin’ around at their octopus entree.  squirmy, yummy, delicious, we are strong…like warriors.

Mr. I tried his best with snappin’ some candid shots of my session with potter… while he is an amateur at camera usage, i enjoyed this photo and i still do.  this was about half-way into our session, and potter had just started shading.  b-roc, the miniature dog was moving about beneath the table, and my hand was resting on potter’s thigh.  i didn’t quite know where to put my hands the entire session, for they kept falling asleep.

this is my depiction of silence at the boston public library.  i’m very pleased with how this came out, besides the little light leak on the bottom left.

sinchon at night.  neon signs have a power over a human’s feeble mind.  all things that sparkle/glitter attract our attention, and sinchon was just that… a big ball of sparkley, glittery, neon signs.  i miss the vendors, the street food, the hemp stores, the cheap shoes, expensive skincare, and ironic shirts that would say, “it girl” or “diamonds or gold please”… did i say ironic, i meant idiotic!

Mr. I all dolled up, and finally he admits that he is a hash hippie.

the weekend brings me once again to the humble abode in cambridge, and immediately post-weekend, i am back in school, ramming my head into chem books, alg2acc books, russian history middle ages text + freeze text, pride and prejudice, and translating latin that i would have never thought possible to translate until now.  rest well portland, enfin will be back.

post scriptum: i was at norms tonight and got to spend some time with my surrogate big bro who i haven’t seen in what seems like ages.  now i know that i’ll have some guaranteed help for my struggling times in mathematics class.

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enfin's reality

i roller-skated to your door at daylight

making the best of the time that i have left in the states. sipping my fair trade organic iced coffee, and listening to my best friend’s girl. i’m trying to conjure up a packing list of some sort- but i do not know if i will come out successful.  i need to accomplish a good amount before i peace out of america, though, knowing how i work, i probably won’t.  i’ve been too productive in other areas this past week for me to get trivial shtuff done.

finally i can claim that i don’t deal with bullshit, so the fact that i currently am dealing with a good amount is not a bueno thing.  in fact, the reason why i am dealing with it, is stupid.  and the person involved is stupid.  i just hate bullshit, yet i am dealing with it.  and to that, i say, fuck you erika, fuck you.

i have been yanked out of my daily routine for the past month, and will be for the next 15 days.  but oh.  i am so angry. i need to let go of this anger.  in fact, i do not even have a good reason to be angry, but i am, and its spewing rage.  mixed messages are the worst, and you know what- that’s all i’m getting.  i want to say i’m done, but i can’t no matter how hard i try.  and even when i get to say, PEACE OUT AMERICA, i’m still going to be dealing with things that make me angry, so i do not know.  i’m also quite scattered right now.  so i cannot write well.  save it for my farewell post demain.

ciao.

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enfin's reality, photography

quiet reminders in the middle of the night

to be honest, i feel like i am avoiding the world.  there is a group of people that i haven’t seen all summer- and at this point, i don’t even know if i plan on seeing them.  i am so content hiding out here- living the way i have been.  i don’t know what type of comfort i’m searching for, seeing as i’m quite comfortable now.  5 days until i start the final leg of my summertime.  i’m anxious yet i’m taking it as it comes.  i interviewed today- and i’m hoping the best comes out of it.  i also realized that there comes a point where every friendship expires.  this one in particular is hard to comprehend, because i know it shouldn’t be ending- but it is.  and i’m reluctant to stop it.  oddly enough.

it saddens me how close the end is near.  this summer has been primo in comparison to the past.  but that’s how life is.  i am always incredibly excited for my monthly horoscope, and this is what august 2010 says for capricorns born january 1-10th:

travel and educational plans might change unexpectedly after the 20th. Pay attention to details instead of rushing through instructions, applications, and other plans. In some cases, rethinking your plans might be in order. A flurry of activity around the 24th is likely, which could find you running around on errands. Try not to stress out and instead get everything back to order one step at a time.

With all of the attention you are pouring into career, family, and personal matters, dear Capricorn, you could feel that a partnership is wanting. However, while you can’t ignore your close relationships, your attention to career is especially important right now. New responsibilities and challenges come your way and you need to be on top of your game. Luckily, you are enjoying the limelight and finding that others are seeing you in a most positive, responsible, and competent light. The need to discipline yourself and structure your time on a professional level becomes apparent.

i finally scanned and uploaded some film, see below:

taken on fourth of july- coastal maine

self-portrait

dancing and flower crowns

mid-may

mr. ryan nolan

quebec city, quebec

salut! -enfin

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enfin's reality

to go where i’ve never been.

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ahhh. shut up, you’re such a jet-setter. i didn’t think that was a title i could ever hold, but it seems as though i’ve been adorned with the label for the remainder of the season. CLASSES ARE OVER. i’m so elated, and incredible tired, yet so ready for the upcoming excursions ahead of me. i leave tomorrow for dc, where i’ll remain for a fortnight, and then, when i come back i will have two weeks to myself to finish four books and be content in portland, and perhaps go camping for an evening or two. then it’s time to help save the ocean for a month, where i will, in essence, be out of communication for a chunk of time (but not the entire time, mind you!) when i’m done saving the ocean (july 30th) i have seven days until i’m flying 14hrs to Korea for two weeks. it’s insane to think that i will be out of portland for the majority of the summer, and rather sad too. but i’d much rather be doing all these things than sitting around on the mother-effing monument drinking my fair-trade iced coffee… cos i can do that anyday.

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im really hoping that things don’t get complicated this summer. i don’t want/need/yearn for any sort of drama, and i don’t want to get involved with anyone. it’s actually the truth, which is rare for me to openly admit, but i’m so content with where i’m at and i don’t want it any other way. yesternight was rather cool, it started with joining isaac at the art museum, which i do have to say, was a visit long over due, and then we headed to street & co., where we gorged ourselves in their delectable fare. the panicotta with black currants was just about the best thing i’ve had to eat in a really long time.  miss m is missed dearly by enfin, but i hope she’s having the best time in europe (because if i were her, i’d be at les cafes où je vais fumer des cigarettes et boire du vin rouge).  i need to head up to photoshops and buy some 400s film, which isn’t tri-x because as i’ve recently discovered, tri-x and i don’t get along like carrots and peas. whatta shame. gonna go finish my almond soy milk, take a walk, and work 12-8. long night ahead of me to accompany my busy day schedule. oh la la, what it’s like to be enfin!

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