that’s all i’ve been doing all day. this has been possibly the worst weekend i’ve experienced in a while. i’ll gladly take a hangover during work any day over what’s happened in the past two days.
i hate how people don’t understand what effect their words have on me. they don’t even know it, in fact, it will never ever occur to them that the smallest things that they perceive to be entirely justified absolutely kill me inside.
work has been absolutely swamped this weekend, and today there really wasn’t a moment to breathe, which really did a number on me. especially since i spent a good deal of time in the hospital yesterday, with my grandmother which was emotionally taxing. there have been numerous moments where i just want to break down and cry, and there have been the same amount of moments where i’ve wanted to shriek until my voice left me forever. there’s just so much going on, and the people who should be there, aren’t, and it all feels like a repeat of june 2009.
i leave bright and early for montreal tomorrow. i’m pretty excited to be frank, but i know that i’m bringing over so much stress and anxiety, which i obviously wish i could leave behind in the US.
in regards to the social sector of my life, i feel like there have been so many hills and valleys in the past few weeks, and i’m just so tired of it all. i’m tired of people saying one thing, and then doing other things that just completely negate their words. i’m tired of being disappointed and easily irritated. and also, some people just need to chill the fuck out, and learn to account for their words and actions in a responsible manner.
at this moment, the only things i’m looking forward to are work next weekend, dinner at Hugo’s on the 8th, and going back to school. i don’t really have any desire to spend time with people over break unless they’re family members. everyone else, i’ve just realized i’m very short with and will more than likely snap at.
a nice cup of iced vietnamese coffee would do me a world of wonder right now. and perhaps when i wake up at 5am, i’ll want to be social again. maybe it’s just the fact that i’m absolutely exhausted that i feel this way right now. it could also be that i’m very sad and very lonely. but whatever the reason, i hope it gets resolved sooner rather than later.
then again, i’ve been known to dwell in my sorrow- but, i’ll try not to do that now.