writing

i tried to tell you but my pride…

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anger spills from my veins that pump the thick bellacose blood to all vital zones of my weakened anatomy. my eyes flicker with rage, not something entirely uncommon of me. you are not what i initially thought. and yes, i presumed that you were someone who cared, someone who had a purpose. but its obvious, after weeks of silence, that i was dead wrong. instead of being pleasant, you’ve witnessed me being hostile. new concept, right? as if you really noticed. with words exchanged, through vivid imagery, and concepts of only an allegory, my heart pounded at a pace i cannot bare to speak of. i, awaited your responses, as loyally as a canine to his master. and i awaited for years and years, and on top of those years, even more years. time passed, and i rarely grew tired of waiting, because, upon meeting you, i knew you were the sort of person who required a lot of waiting around for.

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enfin's reality

pynchon


lady stole my dream outfit.

do you ever get bothered by something you probably shouldn’t be bothered by? for example, this is completely hypothetical mind you, yer best friend seems to have this deep intense enjoyment of pretending to be you and pretending to live yer life? well, i get bothered by things like that quite easily. and i just did.

i’m reading gravity’s rainbow by pynchon. it’s quite good thus far, and i’m trying to savour it rather than eat right through it. last evening was so boring. i should have gone to coyle street or to space even though that’s where the hipsters go.  deertick played at space, and story played at coyle street. its unfortunate that i was too lazy to hop on ethel and ride to one of those venues. lately i’ve been feeling like i’m sans friends, which is kind of, in an odd way, refreshing. i don’t have any obligation to turn on my phone, nor do i have any obligation to log on to the f-word (facebook).  canada is in five days, which makes me pretty damn excited. other than that, my week promises to be busy. i don’t exactly want to go play tennis, but i know that i have to thus I must.  i really hate people who try to be someone they’re not.  in addition to that, i hate friends who go through other friends to get what they want and pretend they’re someone they’re not. someone who has observed the same type of behavior told me not to mind it, saying that it was a form of flattery. bullshit. i don’t care about flattery, i never have. all i know right now is that i’m in for a long day. whether or not that’s a bueno thing… we’ll see in 12 hours.  which in reality is not a long time. time. another thing i’d love to speak about. we’re racing against time, whether we define time as the moments that have passed, or the moments until the end, everyone, in one way or another, is racing against time. i wish we could just forget it, seeing as a million years ago it didn’t exist. stupid marilyn kept me up all evening, with her legs swinging and hands ticking. mocking my very existence in a way.  just to stay organized, because i check this more than i check my calender, below i’m listing my next month, so feel free to bypass it. thanks.

april 9th, 10th, 11th: quebec
april 14th through the 18th: north carolina
april 18th through the 20th: cambridge/boston
april 23rd: 70s dance party at SPACE
april 24th: low anthem & timber timbre at SPACE
may 4th: vinyl fair at Port City Music Hall

i’m ready for the highlights, i don’t know about the lowlights.

n’ameen.
oh and a mixed tape will appear shortly, within the next three days.

enfinoui (no love today)

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enfin's reality

its been an empty night

i wonder if happiness is as tangible as everyone says it is. i’m not quite sure my of my true opinions on happiness, and i don’t think i could even begin to understand that emotion.  just like anything else, its temporary, and i’ve decided its not worth it trying to figure it out.  what i do know is simple: different forms of happiness exist.  i see the kind that is obtained through co-dependency, and the kind that is felt after purchasing that new car you’ve saved up for since the year before last. i don’t know if i get that surge of emotion as often as others, and i can’t label something as versatile as happiness as general, or standard, or anything like that.  it differs from being to being, and its time span is unpredictable.  i never get set on being happy for x amount of time, in fact, when i am “happy” i tend to think in a manner that most would find ridiculous. i think about the end of this elated spell, and how i’d have to transistion into another state of feeling.  life is what it is, there’s no changing that.

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this week. in short, i can’t wait to get out of this state. i can’t wait to get out of this town even. everything and everyone has met ms. spiteful in the past two or three or even four days. i can’t stand there faces that are sucking the oxygen from my very lungs. i can’t stand their voices or their sayings, or their shrugging of shoulders. i can’t bear to look at anyone of them for quite some time. thank god for canada.  i leave friday and come back late sunday. then i have another two days in portland until i leave for north carolina on wednesday the 14th. i come back to new england the eighteenth, and remain in boston until the 21st.  then i will once again stay in portland until june, maybe with a few excursions to cambridge and portsmouth and brunswick in between. i’ll be laying low, avoiding those who make me unhappy. i plan on reading every book i’ve been meaning to read, and start a few new fiction works, while i ignore the ones on hold currently. i just would like summer to come really soon. spring is nice, but its fever is contagious. saturday… i’m planning on getting my ink sesh, HOPEFULLY. my artists are being iffy and are bad at communicating, but i will figure something out. i want this so much, therefore, whilst in canada, i will get it. i also need to send in a roll of film because the darkroom lacks proper chemicals. in addition to that, i’m working up a storm at holly and folly, and i have practice everyday, but i think i’m only going to two *thankfully*. maybe my luck will change for the better this upcoming week. tomorrow at some point i will give you a glimpse of the past day! it was pretty nice. until then, from portland west to portland east, i wish you the very best.

enfinlove

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enfin's reality

mr. hemingway please.

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the ice in above photos clearly depict my heart’s current condition.

oh so its friday. and i survived it. because now its techincally saturday. a brief synopsis of yesterday. one: i got a new job. pushing clothes on rich ladies. let’s see how long that lasts. two: i bought some art. a photograph and a painting of michael jackson. three: my mind. stoc. incense burns. four: angry, spiteful, rage is bubbling. brewing even. five: i’ve read two pieces of literature today that have used the simile: cold as a witches’ teat. what the fuck? six: fire trucks roaring on the congo. nice way to spice up my nightlife. seven: he can suck it.

friday….first friday. interesting altogether, and yes, interesting is vague, but i intend on keeping this vague.  weather is warming up, thankfully. tomorrow or today, or whatever is now, will be filled with busi-ness. working my new job 10-3, and then workin’ my normal job 3-5. i will also be celebrating miss bela’s birthday after that. and i guess i’ll take a long evening bike ride on my journey home. i can’t quite claim happiness today, or yesterday… whenever friday was. i saw his stupid face and i couldn’t be more angry. stupid gawking eyes…flickering behind those stupid spectacles. done with him. done with that.

anger..brew, sizzle bang.

enfinOUI

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