i struggle to find any truth in your lies.
i’ve been hiding in my own world for quite some time- for good and bad reasons, but that soon shall end. the early fall has diminished, and now i’m finding myself in cold weather, grey skies, and hot cups of coffee kinda days.
what exactly have i been doing? where have i been? well, since the last time, much has changed. i’ve moved down by the water into a temporary home, found a new job (hello pastry chef), and have decided my next steps. cloak and daggers have consumed me, along with fair company, routine, and a sense of being okay with being okay. autumn disappeared quickly; in comparison to last years’, i found that this was much more relaxing. and i also found, that despite certain circumstances, i was happier.
and now i find myself torn- between being happy to leave relatively soon, and being content with where i’m at. maine is still temporary. another journey to my homeland is in the near future, along with a short trip to europe perhaps. just a few more months, and i’ll be gone. bittersweet. but everything ends.
regarding happiness. it’s come, it’s lingered, it’s been subtle- but it’s been different this time. interesting to say the least, but i’m not giving it much thought. it is what it is. analysis hasn’t a place in this situation. i’ll just revel in what i have for now. cautiously of course.
regarding my flat. it’s quaint, it’s domesticated, it’s mine and all mine. it’s as close to home as i’ll ever let myself get. it’s just a roof afterall.
regarding my new job. pastry is ultimately the direction i wish to head in, and while i had a sliver of that this past spring, i could barely contain my yearning to do more, as well as managing the restrictions placed upon me. so what i’m beginning soon will only be a step in the right direction.
regarding cloak and dagger and other projects. we’ve received a fair amount of publicity in the past few weeks, which has worked in our favor. to be honest, i was scared it was heading down the shitter, and while everything must end, i had hoped that cloak and dagger would remain in Maine for at least a year. i have plans of dragging it with me wherever i shall go, but i think Portland can stand a few more months of underground dinners. alternative projects? a dim sum pop up to be opened this spring. get your steamed buns and dumplings from the two vietnamese kids on the block– interested in joining forces in the Chinese Laundry or Cloak and Dagger? Let me know.
regarding my rambling? i’ve keyed you into the most recent events in my boring life. perhaps i’ll make this a regular thing.
it’s sad to think that august is over. that the summer is closing to an end. i haven’t had such a low-key, solid summer in years, and was more than pleased to experience that over the past few months.
coffee, beers, freckles, sunshine, working, cloak & daggers, late night excursions, pop-ups, tandem, morning dates, brunch, farmers, so pleased. bukowski, sallinger, and vonnegut, all rockin’ my world.
i’ve had really nice company, and i’ve had really nice times.
i’m in a good place as of now.
July has gone by so quickly. In complete honesty, it’s been an insane month. So much has happened– most things being good, but some bad. I’m currently running on very little sleep and am anticipating this month’s cloak & dagger, a new apartment, and sunshine.
All I can say though is that I’m relatively content, which is a pleasant feeling. I’ve been in good company and have had many low-key days which have been much needed.
Also, I can’t stop listening to this.
the past few weeks have been very interesting to say the very least. there has been a lot of change that has taken place- most of which is good. a new job, new friends, new adventures. i’m desperately in need of a new living situation, which i suppose is next on the list- but besides that, everything has been decent, to say the very least.
a really nice fourth of july, followed by moonrise kingdom, an easy weekend at work, a trip to the beach, and the Vinland dinner tomorrow. all good things. at the same time, i’ve felt relatively violated by a couple people who are supposed to respect me, and thus, i’ve been extremely cautious lately. most things are taken with a grain of salt now. maybe that will end soon. probably not though.
clearly i’m just ready for permanent change. despite the fact that i’m rather content with 98% of the things that are consuming my life at the moment.
today, nothing went as planned. but maybe that was the plan?
sometimes i’d love to disappear.
i’ve been pleased, i’ve been irritated, and now, i’m ok with being ok.
there’s a fair amount that’s making me happy.
even undercooked sweetbreads. and all nighters.
it’s summer, so here are my observations thus far:
shipyard beers, encapsulating flames, ok with being ok, relieving stress, watching ash disappear out the window, freckles, daylight lasts forever, bad jams, being buried in books.