enfin's reality

mouthful of diamonds

this was the best cake i have ever made, and it was for the best person i know.

i’m going to be absent for five or six more days, and then i promise, regular enfin posts will appear.  i think an SLR camera is underneath my tree, thus it’ll force me to blog my heart out.  no worries.  go eat some winter fare, wish me luck on my exams, and i’ll catch you on the flipflop LATEER.

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enfin's reality

peaceful productivity

its the sudden turn of events that throws everyone off.  soon, november will grace us, and with her comes dark nights, dark mornings, dark days, and cold winds.  family dinners, friend dinners, signs of snow, frosted roads.  turkeys and ducks and stuffing and cranberries.  the desire of camraderie, prolonged hot showers, early to sleep, late to rise.  hearty meals, football sundays.  i’ve had a marvelous two days, full of afternoon naps and salary raises.  tomorrow promises a champagne cake and a viewing of the tempest and chocolat.  friday brings double yoga sessions, no class, and work.  for the first time in a while today, i giggled.  i laugh a lot anyway, that’s not rare.  but someone made me giggle.  the sort where you blush afterward, mumble some sort of awkward nothing and leave before they realize what just happened.  he made me giggle.  i’m going to try and not do that anymore, or else it’d be too obvious? i can’t wait to crunch the leaves on sunday evening, and to see rocky horror on saturday.  graveyard cupcakes for my little cousins, a maximum of three hours homework over the course of three days.  entirely do-able. catching up on all the sleep i’ve lost.  cleaning and hopefully having fun? though i know not with who yet.  sunday… scary movies? possibly guests? though they haven’t been picked.  i need coffee.  i slept for 4 hours this afternoon.  i want to sleep now.  but i’m so comfortable listening to records, editing photos, and wondering why he made me giggle.  now i just feel awkward.  as awkward as i felt when i showed up on campus soaking wet, and after i almost got hit by two cars.  oh me, oh my.  isn’t this fantastic?

In spring of youth it was my lot
       To haunt of the wide world a spot
       The which I could not love the less-
       So lovely was the loneliness
       Of a wild lake, with black rock bound,
       And the tall pines that towered around.

       But when the Night had thrown her pall
       Upon that spot, as upon all,
       And the mystic wind went by
       Murmuring in melody-
       Then- ah then I would awake
       To the terror of the lone lake.

thank edgar allen poe for his brilliance and perfection at bringing that forboding autumn ambiance to the table.

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i need to try and not be so awkward.  i think my approach is a bit backwards in the sense that when he waves, i stare.  i’ve never been good at this but now’s the time where i suppose i can improve.  i’d typically turn to cake or poetry in lieu of proper conversation, but i realize that proper conversation is something incredibly important.  maybe some luck will come my way.

 

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enfin's reality

cryptograms

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terribly awkward & terribly shy- it’s how i feel now more than i tend to.  i can’t even produce a sufficient answer as to why, but all i know is that my mind has been biting my tongue lately, if you know the feeling.  i feel myself getting distracted easier than usual, but it’s odd because as of now i’m rather content, and i really don’t distract myself unless i’m sad.  i suppose i have been frustrated- it seems to happen every fall.  i go through these periods of easy agitation which i try to avoid, but i can’t.  & it’s not as if i’m agitated by instances that are worth it even.  i suppose idealism has some part in this awful scheme of things.  but to be honest, i’m not even too sure of what it is i’m talking about.  it’s one of those muttering rambles i seem to spit out when there’s something that i need to figure out.  perhaps i’ll figure it out soon, but that of course depends on things even vaguer than my current thoughts.

it’s all been made rather clear as of late that i’ve made a really good friend upon transferring to my new school.  i have a hard time relaying how i feel about it all, mainly because i’m just so much happier.  it’s almost a reason to upgrade my standards.  for once, i feel completely accepted for the person i am.  no facades, no personas, no reason to impress.  i just am.  i’ve been striving to achieve this ever since beginning my taoist doctrine, and i feel as though i’m in a really great place to prosper.  besides that, i can’t get over the fact that i’m much more agreeable than i used to be.  it’s been a really quick transformation.  i’ve sort of lost that jaded edge, i’ve lost that outward fear of making friends.  now, it’s as if i want to be friends with everyone- and that’s true, actually.  to clarify, i suppose there are certain friendships which i would like to invest in, just because the people are really quite genuine and nice.  i don’t feel as if i’m confined to “my corner of the school” like i was at the old institution.  i just feel… present.  maybe this is all the yoga speaking, but i’m pretty sure it’s my rationality too.

i realized something that i wouldn’t have wanted to realize a year ago, today.  there is no such thing as individualism.  no such thing as being “unique”.  i’ve always been against conforming, ever since I was three or four, but i wouldn’t go as far to say that i went against the grain.  in fact, i’ve always respected people’s differences, but now, i supose i’ve got a greater understanding of these differences and what they actually mean.  everyone gathers elements of their personality from those they surround themselves with.  i’d be arrogant to think that i’m a totally unique person, and that i’ve never been influenced by anyone.  for the past five or six years i’ve openly admitted that i am a product of those i surround myself with, but i never thought of this philosophy on a broader context.  the world is the product of the generations past, and the present generation.  we’ve had our own effect on all aspects of the world.  culture, geography, sociology, et. al.  and now the world is this melting pot of all of us.  in every crevice there is a piece of you, and there is a piece of me.  your great great great grandmother helped lay the foundation for mount everest, and my great great cousin helped inspire the french revolution.  while today, most focus on the current issues of the world, the damage we’ve done, i still think we ought to take a step back, and admire the things we have had a part in creating.  take a moment and see how man and nature has worked together in harmony to create this wonderful environ that is what it is.

i’m ridiculously lazy.  i decided if i were to be one of the seven deadly sins it’d be either “sloth” or “gluttony”.  i’ve increased the amount i’ve been cooking for the sole purpose of giving myself something to look forward to besides empty weekends (full of sleep) and never arriving vacations.  i’ve yet to develop any film from vermont or from around town.  reverting back to the previous sentence… vacations.  i’m so excited.  i can barely contain my excitement.  can you tell? anyway.  dec 26-jan 1, new york city.  shows, restaurants, culinary institute, nyu, parties, camraderie, etc, etc. february break, spent in san fransisco.  looking at smaller school with gastronomy as a major, eating at a few restaurants, meeting up with a few food bloggers, and chiiiillin’ on haight & ashbury. (i apologize for this post having no theme, but it’s been a while since i’ve rambled). HALLOWEEN. rocky horror show, followed by sleepover with wine, records, edgar allen poe, & LA ink. double yoga sesh on friday, champagne cake with blackberries thursday for lyllie, the tempest, japanese big macs, overdue phone calls, writing letters, reading, sleeping, cooking, creating. 

 i miss summer.  but i’m happy.  i like everyone.  i want people to feel the same way.  good riddance SHYNESS.  farewell lack of confidence.  i feel at leisure to finally enjoy life and people and the possibilities of reciprocation.  dinner party in the works.  helping people out.  i’m really glad that i know everyone i know.  i’m glad that i’m so fortunate.  i’m glad that i love my cats.  and i’m glad that i’ll have a legitimate post up tomorrow.

pardon my shenanigans and ridiculous ways.  head ache > heart ache.

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enfin's reality

indian summer spent in the mountains

this past weekend i traveled to northern new hampshire and eastern vermont all to celebrate the indian summer with my dearest A and go antiquing.  i took a roll of film, which i will be sending out soon, but for the meantime, i thought i might as well add the photos i took with my canon. 

I left school without going to yoga so I could catch a 3:30 bus to Boston and then a 6:15 bus to Littleton, NH.  I fancied myself a seat next to a rather dashing young student at Bowdoin, and for a good two hours, engaged in an enlightening conversation about deviled eggs and marriage.  After we parted, I ran to purchase my ticket to the North Country and made the bus with five minutes to spare.  It took a good hour and a half to get out of Boston, seeing as rush hour in the city is wretched on any Friday during the fall.  Perhaps three hours after leaving the city, I found myself waking up just as the bus pulled into the gas station in Littleton, where A was waiting.  I was desperate to see how beautiful the North Country is, but seeing as it was close to 10pm, I couldn’t enjoy the scenery.  Instead I found myself sitting at a wonderful little cafe called Social with A until the early hours of Saturday eating burgers and sharing our recent lives with one another.  Soon after I retired to a warm bed and slept until my heart’s content.

A brought me to five different antique shops over the weekend, but the ones in Bethelehem were fantastic.  I was given a bunch of old stills from this wonderful man named Roland, and I spent sometime at the Bethelehem Farmer’s MKT.  A little later on, A & I got coffee at Maia Papaya, and then we drove out to Vermont for an Indian Summer Party.  The drive over was beautiful.  All the trees were full of fantastic aged leaves, colored with gold, crimson, and burnt sienna.  The house was only a mere 20 miles away from our B&B but it took us a good hour to get to the cabin.  When we got there, we spent a while stacking our hostess’ wood, and sitting by the woodstove, looking out the huge bay windows, which held the most spectacular view of the green mountains. 

 

Sunday brought an excursion to Littleton, which consisted of the Littleton Farmer’s market where A & I got some bread from an organic farmer from Vermont, which was decked out in brown sugar and pecans, and then a long afternoon spent at Just L. antiques and the Littleton Bookshop.  We also ventured inside of Chutters, which is home to the longest candy counter in the world, where I snagged some old favorites and new favorites as well! Then we finally made our way to the Mountain View- a hotel which I now despise after a terrible experience, and indulged in some spicy wings on the porch which was facing Mt. Washington.  We also took sometime to read in the Eisenhower Library and play chess on a human size board.  We ended our night watching Mad Men and eating Chicken Pot Pie in bed.  Did I mention that this hotel is haunted? Well, it is.

I will scan my film from the trip once I get it back, but with that being said, I’m sure I’ll have better photos from this upcoming weekend posted before those!! Tonight consists of take out from Veranda, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and The September Issue.  Who knows what tomorrow brings.

enfinlove

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enfin's reality, music

whirlpools and whirlwinds

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happy september.  can you feel that fall nip in the air? i’m not quite sure if i can, but hey… it’ll be here before any of us knows it.  i know i’ve been MIA for a little while, and i have perfectly good excuses.  they are as follows: i’m still experiencing my let down depression and that makes it difficult for me to write because i tend to turn the subject to the summertime and it makes me even more sad, i went on outdoor experience with my new school- we traveled to katahdin and went on a very long canoeing expedition, and since then i’ve been trying to catch up with sleeping and celebrating the final days of my best summer ever.

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yesterday was full of great things- waking up late, get low, dinner at sonny’s (chicken enchilladas, cheeseburger, fried avacado, raspberry sangria sorbet, etc.), breaking down and buying lords of dogtown and roger dodger for under $10, pedis, and season 7 of entourage!! iced tea with A, and talking about everything and anything really helped put things in perspective for me. 

it was a very weird transition from being in seoul to camping at katahdin.  so loud and busy than became so quite and idle.  mankind at its most innovative transformed into nature at it’s best.  while i was laying in my tent on the first night, i realized that everything A had been saying about this all being relevant made sense.  whereever you are in life, more life is going on around you.  the more life you experience will mean different things for different people.  as i’ve mentioned in previous posts, once things begin to change, they change drastically.  i believe my fresh start at a new school is relevant and in cahoots with this past summer.  i don’t know what to expect, i don’t know what’s around the bend- and to be honest, i don’t want to know until everything happens.  life is what it is, and why not enjoy everything for once.  continuing this trend, about it all being relevant, clearly the way life evolves is relevant too.  i’ve been reading northanger abbey, and comparing the lifestyle back then to the lifestyle currently, is crazy.  jane austen depcits a society in which it is mandatory for a woman and a man to find their star-crossed lover STAT.  nowadays, while it’s still a focus, it’s not the only focus.  it’s more a matter of personal preference. 

things are just spinning around and around, and if i had to be honest, i would tell you everything keeps me up at night now.

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the prospect of having a new unexpected friend excites me to the utmost extent- and i think that’s a muy bueno thing,

letting time carry on, trying to prevent this saddness from sinking further within my mind

cravings for outings and spottings have been increasing rapidly this lovely september morning-

i’m quite ready for routine i suppose… even though as i typed that my first thought was WHAT THE FUCK?

brunch at locs when A returns from yoga,

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everything seems to have sorted themselves out for the time being.  i guess you could say i’m in a very good position.

september monthly horoscope says:

More than any other time during the year, you are feeling most adventurous and willing to take a leap of faith. This is a cycle in which you seek a higher meaning to your life, and/or seek out new experiences that take you beyond the here and now, and beyond the mundane details of day-to-day life. Anything that broadens your experiences attracts now. A lack of superficiality finds you straight to the point, interested in the truth of things.

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