enfin's reality

i love you, i like you, i hate you.

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you have no idea how much i want some mcdonalds right now. it’s somewhat embarassing that i’m craving this heart-attack renderer, but it looks so good, and i’ve been eating tofu for the past three weeks.  this past holiday weekend left a bitter taste in my mouth.  while i love extra days off, i felt as though all my visits with a myriad of friends lacked something.  saturday i was full of remorse and could barely conjure up enough strength to get out of my jammies to meet the day.  tis why i stayed inside until late that evening when i decided to venture outward, as to party until the sun came up.  ironically, i chose not to, and instead found myself sitting across from fortman at norms engrossed in a conversation with two of my favorite regulars- bruce and tom.  the remainder of the weekend kind of fell flat, i feel justified to say.  i cooked dinner sunday evening for M & A and produced this wonderful dessert consisting of phyllo dough, hazelnuts, sugar, maple syrup infused whipped cream, and strawberries.  i also caught the end titles of Mad Men with Mr. I.

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Monday brought about endless piles of half-completed homework.  i drank too many cups of caffine, and i fell asleep without being properly prepared for what tuesday would bring.  now i find myself, on this wonderful wednesday evening, a day ahead of schedule, with a throbbing headache.  marilyn monroe is regulating my thoughts per usual, and i have been filled with a sensation of contentedness, and i know not why.

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to celebrate the month of october, i am reading frankenstein, which proves to be everything pride and prejudice was not.  this is engaging, captivating, and vivid, where as jane austen’s masterpiece was a somber critique of the social evolution of 19th century england.  i found a wonderful recipe for panna cotta, which i’m so enthused by.  i’m unsure as to whether or not i want to pursue that tomorrow evening, or if i’d prefer baking a blackberry fig pie.  saturday renders those horrible standardized tests, though i’m in part glad, because then i will be able to sleep all afternoon with a proper excuse.  i’m trying to allot myself time to keep adding to my play, though i seem to be losing more time than i am gaining it.  so it goes, i suppose.  i’ve decided that it’s time to go back to therapy, seeing as i could use another POV that isn’t biased and comes from someone familiar.

i’ll drop off film tomorrow or on friday… depending on how productive i’d like to be.

enfin

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enfin's reality

congregation at beacon hill

it’s been a while, i know, i know.  and to be honest, i’ve been making the effort to blog, but every night i’m busy from four to eleven, and when the latter rolls around, i’m ready to crawl into my bed, curl up with trout, and cherish the mere seven hours i have to sleep until i wake up and rinse and repeat.  for the first time yesterday, i didn’t know what to do with myself with my spare time.  we were driving to spring street cafe, and i saw a school, and the oddest sensation came over me.  i wanted to be in a classroom, with the comforting ticking of a clock playing in the background, reading primary source documents about russia’s medieval history.  i’m being serious- please believe me.  it’s almost as if i’m addicted to school.  and the truth of the matter is that, i don’t enjoy school when i’m there, but when i’m outside of it, and i’m not doing anything stimulating, all i want to do is be challenged in a classroom.  i hope this says something about my adaptation skills- clearly, i’ve been able to adapt to the new school, though now that’s all that seems to matter to me.  that’s all that should matter at this point.

things to discuss that are worthwhile;

again, i find myself in cambridge/JP/boston, and i’ll be departing tomorrow late afternoon, all to find myself at home with two cats once again.  it’ll be a lonely week- and i will be looking forward to the arrival of A! i cannot wait to see her, and i cannot express how impatient i am for that day to roll around.  in the time that she’s been MIA in new hampshire, i’ve realized how much of a best friend she is to me.  i’ve also become hyper-aware of the fact that i’m pretty anti-social when it comes down to it.  while i enjoy spending time with people, i only enjoy company that means something to me- and as i’ve discovered, good company is hard to come by these days.  though, truth be told, i’ve met quite the girl at my new school.  she’s vivacious and intricately woven- similar to me in a lot of ways- odd in her own, but i like her, and we spent a tad bit of time this past wednesday with one another, journeying to the farmer’s market where we splurged a major dollar and three quarters on delicious apples- and then we conversed about the best and worst moments in our lives above the square for quite some time until we both parted for separate reasons.  it’s irksome to try and express what it feels like to be in the company of a friend.  speaking of friends, i’ve spent more time with Mr. I than originally expected.  all is swell on that front, even if we only see each other for an hour every few days, the time i get with him, i’m very happy to have.  his friendship means so much to me, and i was nervous upon starting my new school that perhaps a fallout would be around the corner, though at this point, it does not seem probable.  i miss my dear M, though i’ve come to terms with the fact that she is far away and i can’t expect to see her as much as i do come the sunny season.  in addition, i’ve also accepted that while we used to have very very habitual phone calls, they cannot always happen.  not only is she busy, but i am too.  it saddens me, but what is the entire point of a phone call? while it brings me a bit closer to her, by means of a voice, i know that i will end up sad when we hang up.  so as of late, we haven’t had too many conversations, though i’ve decided that that’s alright, because she is the sort of person that i can just pick up where we left off the last time- and those sorts of people are so hard to come across.

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as i’m not too sociable, i thought that perhaps i’d like to share the prospect of my writing a play.  for performing arts, i’ve decided to spend my mondays and thursdays making progress on a play that i’ve pondered over for quite some time.  while i’m not sure how much i will be able to put into it, i would like to have a script ready by the end of february so i could possibly put it on.  but deadlines scare me, and i have to meet many this upcoming year.  in october i have the psats, in december i have the japan scholarship deadline, in january i have SATs round one, and come february the script is due.  i hate to put a creative outlet on hold, but when comparing its merit to the others, i know that it’s last on my to-do list.  i almost am saddened by the fact that i haven’t shot any rolls of film- though at this point, i realize that it to be quite trivial seeing as i can’t afford film, i have nothing to shoot, and where has my time gone.  in addition, i haven’t even begun my fall shifts.  the christmas season is when i work at the store, and clearly, i haven’t put too much thought into trying to make a schedule for this fall.  everything is happening so fast- i have things to occupy myself with every day until 3, and that would give me two hours of work a day.  that’s not much, though i suppose, if it made sense, i could go in every day for two hours, on my off saturdays for 5, and then on wednesdays another 5.  it’s all a matter of how busy i want to be.  but i’m thinking in terms of a stable income… so i suppose i’m willing to tire myself out, and then take a long-needed break come january until march, when competitive tennis rolls around.  i’m so content with everything right now.  while i miss summer, i’m partial to sweaters and corduroys and frye boots, over daisy dukes and t-shirts.  i love autumn farmers markets, and this means that thanksgiving is right around the corner.  my semester ends two weeks before christmas, so my overall stress level out to be reduced by that point, and new classes begin the day i get back off of winter break.  if i had to be outright frank with you (hello redundancy) i’d say that i’m so pleased with life right now, even though i’m crazy busy.  i’m happy to be blogging again, and i’m really going to try quite hard to blog at least three times a week.  perhaps soon, excerpts of the play will appear, original prints, and drawings will be scanned.  oh, and the importance of weekends have kindly been emphasized since the school year has commenced- and i’m oh so glad that i look forward to the glorious weekends once again.

so many cups o’ coffee, so much nature, so much yoga, so much knowledge, need i much more than what i’ve been given? i say not.

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 today was absolutely wunderbar.  we had a fest on charles street, ate at artu1, and ended up in copley.  as for the folks at the freedom fest: legalize it benefit, i’d like to express my sincere and blunt opinion- no pun intended.  to say the least, i think it silly the united states has yet to legalize marijuana, while i am not one who indulges in herbal practices, i think its harmless, and the reason why it tends to be controversial is the sole fact that its been illegal for quite sometime.  if we want to reduce marijuana related crimes, than legalize it for godsake.  besides that, i have no reason to advocate for the legalization of the drug- regardless of the fact that its less harmful than alcohol and tobacco.  but i digress.  the point i wanted to make to all those colourful characters and performers i spotted in the common is simple.  the majority of you are the reason why marijuana is illegal. you’re irresponsible, trashy, and impulsive.  you are narcissists, and no wonder why many folks are opposed to legalizing marijuana.  you all give the cause a face, and its not an appealing one.  when i’m accosted by your fellow advocates who are baked out of their skulls, when i see  you lighting up in front of a boston police officer, when you expose young children to the drug, and when i see you sitting on the curb appearing to have not much of a life, why would i ever support your cause? if you want people to back you, then you give them a reason.  your sorry face who doesn’t pay taxes, who thinks that they’re sticking it to the man, who is “rebellious” (yeah fuckin’ right), and who is intouch with mother earth, outrage me.  stop talking about lighting up your dad.  why does anyone want to hear that? why is it all about shock value? the more shocking you are, the more disgraceful you tend to be.  i was saddened to see the people at this rally.  while the overall purpose, legalizing something that shouldn’t be illegal in the first place is just in sentiment, oftentimes the people who represent said cause are not worthy to do so.

enfinoui is back with a rather opinionated entrance.

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enfin's reality

burn down down down

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i’m about to embark on finals in a mere fourteen hours, and i’m lacking the preparation i should have.  too bad i plan not to study for the remainder of this week, besides a few key elements tomorrow evening (the only night i plan to work). its so sunny and joyous and overwhelming, that i don’t see why i ought to spend my time cooped up inside reading. i’d rather go find friends and play frisbee and enjoy the graass, and take walks on the promenades.

today i took a wonderful afternoon nap, after i downed a thirty ounce fair trade iced coffee and watched the cooking network.  i’m about to head up to sillys for my last dinner with A until two weeks from now, and then i’m gonna go shoot a roll of film, read huck finn, go grocery shopping, and take a nice cold bath.  after my one final tomorrow, i’m darkroom processing for a good chunk a’ time, and then chatting with an advisor and getting more organic coffee to soothe the soul.  evening is a night filled with brain-racking work- mathematic equations followed by reviews of english lit that i could careless about. i’m with m wednesday, and we’re going to the market and making dinner and listening to music and dancing and never sleeping. i have to finish a water colour by thursday, so i can get it pressed and copied by friday, and then as of 11:15 am vendredi morning, i am liberated and content and so divine, the day couldn’t be more dynamic. off to dc sunday, ooh la la, so excited… not really. i’m ready for a relaxing week in portland, but to be honest, i don’t think i’ll have many of those this upcoming season. mr i and myself are goin’ to street & co to celebrate- reservation @ 8 on friday, and then i plan on havin’ a good time.

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(let’s forget the spring break part)

let’s pray i survive the week.

enfin

postscriptum: this past weekend was rather great! i visited with my dear friend sean, and we watched 10 things i hate about you while eating our baguettes et croissants and then we listened to bob dyl on vinyl while watching the rain in the comfort of my room. oh to being young, and artsy!

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