enfin's reality

fevrier

happy february! or, as most people in new england would beg to differ, sad february. ¬†who knew that one day could bring along so much hype and end with such sorrow. ¬†well, for all those who suffered a loss this evening- i’m sure tom brady will do his best to patch things up next year. ¬†moving on…

so far, this month has been ridiculous. ¬†i’ve had the strangest encounters in quite some time- odd reconnections, get-togethers that have rendered tears and stormy emotions, yearnings which i’m tried to oppress (yet continue to have?), a weird allergy attack, and incessant hints at something that shouldn’t be hinted at. ¬†strange tides. ¬†what else is there to say?

one of my best friends just arrived back in the united states, and i’m so glad that i get to see her tomorrow. ¬†it’s an overdue reunion that just needs to happen. ¬†this week yields a particularly interesting lineup of events in addition to my reunion, a knife-skills lesson, followed by a comprehensive meeting for portland’s underground dining club, a dessert date, an appointment to finish (or start?) my sleeve with Gemma, triple shifts, and bread-pudding perfecting trials. ¬†it’s just an interesting feeling… to be sought after (for company and things of that nature). ¬†i’m just not used to it. ¬†if only, if only, i could just find myself in a position i was in a few months ago- warm and not alone. ¬†i miss it.

xoxo,

enfin

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enfin's reality

it’s awfully cold here

ever since i flipped the page of my calendar from november to december, it’s been frigid out. ¬†even though time and temp read a whopping 48 degrees around noon today, i was busy shivering whilst walking up the street. ¬†my apartment lacks heat, despite several calls to the management, and the three blankets that i’ve had on my bed since early october are no longer bringing me any comfort. ¬†i’m tired of winter already- despite the fact that it hasn’t even begun. ¬†what do i have to look forward to in the month of december, you ask. ¬†a lot of things. actually, the following:

hearing back from auParis, Seattle U, Fordham, and L&C
the end of my final real semester at waynflete
a solstice reservation at Daniel Humm’s Eleven Madison Park in Manhattan
cooking christmas dinner for my entire family, can you say, hello bacon wrapped pork tenderloin?
a local 188/sonny’s christmas bash

but still, december is a month of darkness and blatant chill.  the month of january is also primarily the same thing- with the exception of the 6th, because we all know what that means.  i just hope i can get warmed up this holiday season.  i need to be, especially after how shitty this past autumn was.

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enfin's reality

it’s a matter of days (a letter)

while it might seem like a ways away, keep in mind it’s less than what it will feel like. ¬†despite being torn up inside about it, i just keep reminding myself that it is closer than i think, and soon i won’t be alone, but i’ll be able to stand next to you. ¬†i’m here for you and i hope you’ll be here for me as well. ¬†perhaps we should discuss where we should make a dinner reservation for early january.

xx,

enfin

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enfin's reality

reality

It just dawned on me that in less than 365 days, I will be so far away from this town, regardless of what happens in the next month. ¬†The possibility of moving to France, Montreal, Seattle, the Bronx, or the other Portland is ridiculously exciting. ¬†This town has been too small for quite some time now, and I need to escape it before it swallows me up. ¬†So here’s to the next 30 days Portland, let’s make it a nice month. ¬†Remind me why I love you again. ¬†And let the final stretch be a good one.

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enfin's reality

predictably sulking enfin

i swear to god, why the fuck am i so stupid? i’m so tired of the same shit happening over and over again, and somehow, I never see it coming. ¬†or maybe i do and i just enjoy sulking in my own misery. ¬†i just want to apply to schools and get the fuck out of this town. ¬†mr. i was right when he told me that i have nothing keeping me here. ¬†it’s time for a change of pace to say the very least. ¬†i guess i’ll start the countdown for my departure for Vietnam… that’s not too far away– relatively speaking. ¬†a great way to start the fucking week.

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