enfin's reality, pop culture

yogi breaths

that’s all i’ve been doing all day.  this has been possibly the worst weekend i’ve experienced in a while.  i’ll gladly take a hangover during work any day over what’s happened in the past two days.

i hate how people don’t understand what effect their words have on me.  they don’t even know it, in fact, it will never ever occur to them that the smallest things that they perceive to be entirely justified absolutely kill me inside.

work has been absolutely swamped this weekend, and today there really wasn’t a moment to breathe, which really did a number on me.  especially since i spent a good deal of time in the hospital yesterday, with my grandmother which was emotionally taxing.  there have been numerous moments where i just want to break down and cry, and there have been the same amount of moments where i’ve wanted to shriek until my voice left me forever.  there’s just so much going on, and the people who should be there, aren’t, and it all feels like a repeat of june 2009.

i leave bright and early for montreal tomorrow.  i’m pretty excited to be frank, but i know that i’m bringing over so much stress and anxiety, which i obviously wish i could leave behind in the US.

in regards to the social sector of my life, i feel like there have been so many hills and valleys in the past few weeks, and i’m just so tired of it all.  i’m tired of people saying one thing, and then doing other things that just completely negate their words.  i’m tired of being disappointed and easily irritated.  and also, some people just need to chill the fuck out, and learn to account for their words and actions in a responsible manner.

at this moment, the only things i’m looking forward to are work next weekend, dinner at Hugo’s on the 8th, and going back to school.  i don’t really have any desire to spend time with people over break unless they’re family members.  everyone else, i’ve just realized i’m very short with and will more than likely snap at.

a nice cup of iced vietnamese coffee would do me a world of wonder right now.  and perhaps when i wake up at 5am, i’ll want to be social again.  maybe it’s just the fact that i’m absolutely exhausted that i feel this way right now.  it could also be that i’m very sad and very lonely.  but whatever the reason, i hope it gets resolved sooner rather than later.

then again, i’ve been known to dwell in my sorrow- but, i’ll try not to do that now.

enfin

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enfin's reality, photography

quiet reminders in the middle of the night

to be honest, i feel like i am avoiding the world.  there is a group of people that i haven’t seen all summer- and at this point, i don’t even know if i plan on seeing them.  i am so content hiding out here- living the way i have been.  i don’t know what type of comfort i’m searching for, seeing as i’m quite comfortable now.  5 days until i start the final leg of my summertime.  i’m anxious yet i’m taking it as it comes.  i interviewed today- and i’m hoping the best comes out of it.  i also realized that there comes a point where every friendship expires.  this one in particular is hard to comprehend, because i know it shouldn’t be ending- but it is.  and i’m reluctant to stop it.  oddly enough.

it saddens me how close the end is near.  this summer has been primo in comparison to the past.  but that’s how life is.  i am always incredibly excited for my monthly horoscope, and this is what august 2010 says for capricorns born january 1-10th:

travel and educational plans might change unexpectedly after the 20th. Pay attention to details instead of rushing through instructions, applications, and other plans. In some cases, rethinking your plans might be in order. A flurry of activity around the 24th is likely, which could find you running around on errands. Try not to stress out and instead get everything back to order one step at a time.

With all of the attention you are pouring into career, family, and personal matters, dear Capricorn, you could feel that a partnership is wanting. However, while you can’t ignore your close relationships, your attention to career is especially important right now. New responsibilities and challenges come your way and you need to be on top of your game. Luckily, you are enjoying the limelight and finding that others are seeing you in a most positive, responsible, and competent light. The need to discipline yourself and structure your time on a professional level becomes apparent.

i finally scanned and uploaded some film, see below:

taken on fourth of july- coastal maine

self-portrait

dancing and flower crowns

mid-may

mr. ryan nolan

quebec city, quebec

salut! -enfin

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