enfin's reality, Uncategorized

sight is fleeing?

i wonder if my health is deteriorating? when i am concentrating, i often brush my eye-lid lightly with my index finger, and seriously, just five minutes ago, i felt a raised bump on the inside lid. now i’m panicking! what happens if i’m losing my sight!?!?!? in addition, this morning, i got a breakfast sandwich at school, and i thought i spread ketchup on it, but i ended up putting barbeque sauce on it. such a wonderful way to start a wednesday.


after researching my health condition, no, i’m not a hypochondriac, i’ve narrowed it down to the following possibilities: one i am going blind (unlikely, but as always worst case scenario comes first), two: chalazion, which is a bump in the eyelid and its just swelling of the glands but still, they can get larger than 1/8th of an inch, and the third possibility is stye and or pink eye, which i’ve had multiple times! its sort of embarrassing. but at the same time, i’m hoping its one of the latter two. i cherish my vision too much to lose it.


my knees are cold.


my best friend, meredith, taught me something this summer, that i will never forget. it is simply, bold. be that, or be nothing. and thanks to her, as well as carpe noctem, my life, has been reinvented. you can’t turn back when you’re bold once- and why would you ever want to? exhibiting bold qualities- similiar to the feeling of earning the respect and love you’ve yearned for as far back as you can remember.




i am. i am.. i am…

today didn’t bring much to the table of life i suppose.  i believe i felt dread and misery (although, they are the same thing- yes?) when I awoke, but my morning changed when little Trout joined me on the couch and nestled into my lap. unfortunately, that lasted about five mintues before i had to run- which i did, ever so fast.  hell…was exactly that, hell.  the folks are quite difficult to connect with- and i believe i told one to never speak with me as long as either one of us remained alive and breathing.  he asked why i was an angry person and then suggested we spend time together. in response to that. one) i am not an angry person; the reason why i am rude to those who i have no interest in is simply that. i have no interest. two) i do not waste my time with people who i have no interest in- please refer to one. after school got out, i ended up getting tea, i ran into bela, and then ended up at norms for a quick hello to my favorite crew in portland. its unfortunate i’m predictable.

five hours later, i’m at a stranger’s house, babysitting/blogging. i have nothing interesting to say.  TALK IS CHEAP is shaping up.

I am feeling: as though my waist is being squished, hungry, tired, eyebrow itches, wondering what tomorrow brings, hopeful for thursday at 5:15pm and then for Friday at the same time.  What are you hopeful for? If anything..


as a post-script: i drew friedrich nietzsche today and he looks LOVELY.