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clear as an insects wings

i have clear th0ughts that are easily fogged. lately, my mind has been shrouded with thoughts of all sorts.ย  i can’t even fathom what a clear mind looks like anymore.ย  days have morphed together, partially because i could careless about the events that have occurred and partially because nothing worthwhile has presented itself.ย  after being elated over something as simple as the sunshine, the incoming rain has caused much saddness in my mind.ย and i suppose that was expected of course, seeing as with every high comes another low.ย  i’ve never been too hopeful for happiness because ever since coming into the world i realized that a minute of happiness is generally countered with three minutes of saddness.ย  but then again… and i suppose this is the overwhelming cynic in me talking, but happiness is just a fantasy, as is sadness.ย  emotions are made up, and the terms coined to describe what one feels are over-used and not as crystal clear as they should be.ย  nothing is ever clear…so why am i bothered by my hazy mind? again… the answer to that reads exactly like my friend the magic eight ball- answer hazy, try again. i have nothing but vague answers, nothing but vague notions, and nothing but vague aspirations.ย  consistency is not my forte, and if you examine my family tree i’m sure you can see why.ย 

i listened to she & him’s new record today.ย  i’ve always been an M. Ward fan.ย  when it comes to zooey deschannel, i like most, have mixed feelings. she certainly has a lovely voice… but as far as her being a “rockstar” as some people say… i can’t say i like her all the better.ย  to be entirely honest i feel like she’s just a big time hipster, then again… so is M. Ward. but anyway…the new album.ย  She & Him’s Vol. 2.ย  I can’t say iย was too happy. maybe its me. maybe its the album. but in regards to the sounds…i didn’t hear many different sounds. its not even a replica of the first album.ย  Vol. 1ย was versatile, and in addition to that the songs fit together well with harmony and everything that made Vol 1 one of the best albums i heard in 2008! Vol 2 will not be close to the best albums of 2010.ย  i can’t even give you an accurate opinion, because its entirely possible i just grew out of m ward and zooey. although…i don’t think that happens to be the case. i just think the music isn’t as great as it should be. compared to mimicking birds, vol 2 is a waste of money.ย  or i’d advise getting a bittorrent or limewire copy of it. definitely not worth the $12.97 at bull moose.

mimicking birds on the other hand is worth every cent paid. so go buy that. my only criticism of that album is the following: isaac brock needs to pick one side project. because yeah, ugly casanova is pretty dope too, i just think mimicking birds is a lot better and maybe even better than some of modest mouse’s past realeases… like the moon & antarctica.

enfinlove

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my knees are cold.

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my best friend, meredith, taught me something this summer, that i will never forget.ย it is simply, bold. be that, or be nothing. and thanks to her, as well as carpe noctem, my life, has been reinvented. you can’t turn back when you’re bold once- and why would you ever want to? exhibiting bold qualities- similiar to the feeling of earning the respect and love you’ve yearned for as far back as you can remember.

enfin.

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i am. i am.. i am…

today didn’t bring much to the table of life i suppose.ย  i believe i felt dread and misery (although, they are the same thing- yes?) when I awoke, but my morning changed when little Trout joined me on the couch and nestled into my lap. unfortunately, that lasted about five mintues before i had to run- which i did, ever so fast.ย  hell…was exactly that, hell.ย  the folks are quite difficult to connect with- and i believe i told one to never speak with me as long as either one of us remained alive and breathing.ย  he asked why i was an angry person and then suggested we spend time together. in response to that. one) i am not an angry person; the reason why i am rude to those who i have no interest in is simply that. i have no interest. two) i do not waste my time with people who i have no interest in- please refer to one. after school got out,ย i ended up getting tea, i ran into bela, and then ended up at norms for a quick hello to my favorite crew in portland. its unfortunate i’m predictable.

five hours later, i’m at a stranger’s house, babysitting/blogging. i have nothing interesting to say.ย  TALK IS CHEAP is shaping up.

I am feeling: as though my waist is being squished, hungry, tired, eyebrow itches, wondering what tomorrow brings, hopeful for thursday at 5:15pm and then for Friday at the same time.ย  What are you hopeful for? If anything..

enfin

as a post-script: i drew friedrich nietzsche today and he looks LOVELY.

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