enfin's reality

i love you, i like you, i hate you.

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you have no idea how much i want some mcdonalds right now. it’s somewhat embarassing that i’m craving this heart-attack renderer, but it looks so good, and i’ve been eating tofu for the past three weeks.  this past holiday weekend left a bitter taste in my mouth.  while i love extra days off, i felt as though all my visits with a myriad of friends lacked something.  saturday i was full of remorse and could barely conjure up enough strength to get out of my jammies to meet the day.  tis why i stayed inside until late that evening when i decided to venture outward, as to party until the sun came up.  ironically, i chose not to, and instead found myself sitting across from fortman at norms engrossed in a conversation with two of my favorite regulars- bruce and tom.  the remainder of the weekend kind of fell flat, i feel justified to say.  i cooked dinner sunday evening for M & A and produced this wonderful dessert consisting of phyllo dough, hazelnuts, sugar, maple syrup infused whipped cream, and strawberries.  i also caught the end titles of Mad Men with Mr. I.

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Monday brought about endless piles of half-completed homework.  i drank too many cups of caffine, and i fell asleep without being properly prepared for what tuesday would bring.  now i find myself, on this wonderful wednesday evening, a day ahead of schedule, with a throbbing headache.  marilyn monroe is regulating my thoughts per usual, and i have been filled with a sensation of contentedness, and i know not why.

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to celebrate the month of october, i am reading frankenstein, which proves to be everything pride and prejudice was not.  this is engaging, captivating, and vivid, where as jane austen’s masterpiece was a somber critique of the social evolution of 19th century england.  i found a wonderful recipe for panna cotta, which i’m so enthused by.  i’m unsure as to whether or not i want to pursue that tomorrow evening, or if i’d prefer baking a blackberry fig pie.  saturday renders those horrible standardized tests, though i’m in part glad, because then i will be able to sleep all afternoon with a proper excuse.  i’m trying to allot myself time to keep adding to my play, though i seem to be losing more time than i am gaining it.  so it goes, i suppose.  i’ve decided that it’s time to go back to therapy, seeing as i could use another POV that isn’t biased and comes from someone familiar.

i’ll drop off film tomorrow or on friday… depending on how productive i’d like to be.

enfin

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enfin's reality, music

whirlpools and whirlwinds

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happy september.  can you feel that fall nip in the air? i’m not quite sure if i can, but hey… it’ll be here before any of us knows it.  i know i’ve been MIA for a little while, and i have perfectly good excuses.  they are as follows: i’m still experiencing my let down depression and that makes it difficult for me to write because i tend to turn the subject to the summertime and it makes me even more sad, i went on outdoor experience with my new school- we traveled to katahdin and went on a very long canoeing expedition, and since then i’ve been trying to catch up with sleeping and celebrating the final days of my best summer ever.

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yesterday was full of great things- waking up late, get low, dinner at sonny’s (chicken enchilladas, cheeseburger, fried avacado, raspberry sangria sorbet, etc.), breaking down and buying lords of dogtown and roger dodger for under $10, pedis, and season 7 of entourage!! iced tea with A, and talking about everything and anything really helped put things in perspective for me. 

it was a very weird transition from being in seoul to camping at katahdin.  so loud and busy than became so quite and idle.  mankind at its most innovative transformed into nature at it’s best.  while i was laying in my tent on the first night, i realized that everything A had been saying about this all being relevant made sense.  whereever you are in life, more life is going on around you.  the more life you experience will mean different things for different people.  as i’ve mentioned in previous posts, once things begin to change, they change drastically.  i believe my fresh start at a new school is relevant and in cahoots with this past summer.  i don’t know what to expect, i don’t know what’s around the bend- and to be honest, i don’t want to know until everything happens.  life is what it is, and why not enjoy everything for once.  continuing this trend, about it all being relevant, clearly the way life evolves is relevant too.  i’ve been reading northanger abbey, and comparing the lifestyle back then to the lifestyle currently, is crazy.  jane austen depcits a society in which it is mandatory for a woman and a man to find their star-crossed lover STAT.  nowadays, while it’s still a focus, it’s not the only focus.  it’s more a matter of personal preference. 

things are just spinning around and around, and if i had to be honest, i would tell you everything keeps me up at night now.

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the prospect of having a new unexpected friend excites me to the utmost extent- and i think that’s a muy bueno thing,

letting time carry on, trying to prevent this saddness from sinking further within my mind

cravings for outings and spottings have been increasing rapidly this lovely september morning-

i’m quite ready for routine i suppose… even though as i typed that my first thought was WHAT THE FUCK?

brunch at locs when A returns from yoga,

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everything seems to have sorted themselves out for the time being.  i guess you could say i’m in a very good position.

september monthly horoscope says:

More than any other time during the year, you are feeling most adventurous and willing to take a leap of faith. This is a cycle in which you seek a higher meaning to your life, and/or seek out new experiences that take you beyond the here and now, and beyond the mundane details of day-to-day life. Anything that broadens your experiences attracts now. A lack of superficiality finds you straight to the point, interested in the truth of things.

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enfin's reality

the purest form

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the past few days have allowed my mind to be consumed with happy thoughts and distractions.  i’ve lacked the proper funds to spend at a whim- and i’ve been focusing on the mind opposed to the temporary forms of happiness that are acquired by means of consumption.  i’ve talked about my thoughts, with the hope that others have listened.  sitting on the pier and on the coast with ryan was really nice.  for the first time in a while, i was in the company of someone who i could speak to openly, and not worry about judging me.  our conversations ran deep, and since then i’ve been at peace.  he loaned me his copy of the tao of pooh, and i haven’t been able to put it down since.  as i said in the beginning of the week, it’s time for a new start, and the tao of pooh could not have come at a better time.  immediately following my excursion with ryan, which ended in promises for night swimming and thai food, i was stolen away and embarked on an afternoon with m.  after time passed, and we had consumed unspeakable amounts of sushi, we returned to the pearl compound & got prettied up and walked to slainte, where we quickly turned around and reconsidered.  our better option was local, so that’s where we headed and ate desserts and drank our digestifs.  more meaningful conversations this morning in the comfort of arabica, although nothing was agreed upon.  i haven’t enough money to purchase coffee and toast- let alone film.  i have four rolls to develop, and i have no darkroom access.  whatta shame to be so broke.  not to mention i can’t even scrounge up cash to buy some double A’s for my old fallback- the digital camera.  i need to start documenting for reassurance of my very existence.  let the weekend steal me away.

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enfin

postscriptum: as a direct result of my escapade at the pier with ryan, i was sunburned to a crisp, and currently my knees are swollen, chest is blotchy, and eyes are close to those of a raccoon.

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