enfin's reality

peaceful productivity

its the sudden turn of events that throws everyone off.  soon, november will grace us, and with her comes dark nights, dark mornings, dark days, and cold winds.  family dinners, friend dinners, signs of snow, frosted roads.  turkeys and ducks and stuffing and cranberries.  the desire of camraderie, prolonged hot showers, early to sleep, late to rise.  hearty meals, football sundays.  i’ve had a marvelous two days, full of afternoon naps and salary raises.  tomorrow promises a champagne cake and a viewing of the tempest and chocolat.  friday brings double yoga sessions, no class, and work.  for the first time in a while today, i giggled.  i laugh a lot anyway, that’s not rare.  but someone made me giggle.  the sort where you blush afterward, mumble some sort of awkward nothing and leave before they realize what just happened.  he made me giggle.  i’m going to try and not do that anymore, or else it’d be too obvious? i can’t wait to crunch the leaves on sunday evening, and to see rocky horror on saturday.  graveyard cupcakes for my little cousins, a maximum of three hours homework over the course of three days.  entirely do-able. catching up on all the sleep i’ve lost.  cleaning and hopefully having fun? though i know not with who yet.  sunday… scary movies? possibly guests? though they haven’t been picked.  i need coffee.  i slept for 4 hours this afternoon.  i want to sleep now.  but i’m so comfortable listening to records, editing photos, and wondering why he made me giggle.  now i just feel awkward.  as awkward as i felt when i showed up on campus soaking wet, and after i almost got hit by two cars.  oh me, oh my.  isn’t this fantastic?

In spring of youth it was my lot
       To haunt of the wide world a spot
       The which I could not love the less-
       So lovely was the loneliness
       Of a wild lake, with black rock bound,
       And the tall pines that towered around.

       But when the Night had thrown her pall
       Upon that spot, as upon all,
       And the mystic wind went by
       Murmuring in melody-
       Then- ah then I would awake
       To the terror of the lone lake.

thank edgar allen poe for his brilliance and perfection at bringing that forboding autumn ambiance to the table.

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i need to try and not be so awkward.  i think my approach is a bit backwards in the sense that when he waves, i stare.  i’ve never been good at this but now’s the time where i suppose i can improve.  i’d typically turn to cake or poetry in lieu of proper conversation, but i realize that proper conversation is something incredibly important.  maybe some luck will come my way.

 

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enfin's reality, music, writing

red lettre

about this time last year i compiled all of my favorite lyrics from a bunch of random songs into a letter- which i then entitled, red lettre.  it’s sort of a stalemate because i plan on adding more, though i know i won’t be getting to it anytime soon- especially if i haven’t gotten to it in a year.  i particularly like this lettre because it’s intended for many folks, and its open to interpretation.

Dear Valentine,
Sometimes I feel like I’m digging a hole, and the walls are cavin’ in behind me, so I made up my mind, don’t need to think it over, I’ll move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way where the music is played by the mad man, but let me just say, darling I love you, I loved you like the moon and stars, but I’ve got an angry heart. And it don’t take no Sherlock Holmes
To see it’s a little different around here, Everybody’s got their box doing what they’re told and we’re all buying into something we don’t want a part of, so I’m just getting tired of this scene. The other day I was taking a walk, when I saw you pass by, and when I saw you smile I cried all night until there was nothing more, my friends they just don’t understand and they’ve said its gotten out of hand, my cryin’ and all. You’re makin’ me crazy, I go out of my way everyday just hopin’ that I catch you walking down the street, but you’re just a real nowhere man, sitting in your nowhere land, making all of your nowhere plans for nobody. I wish I would have had the nerve to ask you to stay, now I spend my nights asking, “Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?” That doesn’t cut it, it keeps me guessing, and I don’t like that, but I like you, Honey Pie, this is what I want to say, “Let’s be those lovers that walk by, holdin’ hands two by two, because I’m bein’ honest as I can, I could use a little bit of company.”

My momma once told me, that there ain’t no rest for the wicked, and it got me thinkin’, if there ain’t no rest for the wicked, what about the good? You know I wish I could keep being the girl whose always avoided falling in love, but that’s not the case today. Tomorrow I’ll ask you is it me you been lookin’ for while you listen through the cemetary trees, then I’ll say come on drive a little, nothing is forever, and there has to be something better than in the middle. You tell me its cold, your whisper gets softer, as we wander through that crowded space, we’ll head to the edge of the water where we’ll spill our guts and name our fears, then you’ll tell me goodnight. Back home I realize your smile is the most genuine thing I’ve ever seen, it sets my heart aflame, the mention of your name my stomach will fill with butterflies, I want to get close to you, I want to know you better, and someday you’ll have me within your reach. I’ve been told one too many times from boys like you, Hit the Road Jack and don’t you come back no more, they tell me to take a permanent vacation, but something tells me with you it’ll be different. To that I say REJOICE! You don’t have to believe me though. You do what you want, if you want to rock you’ll rock, if you want to roll you’ll roll, only as long as you feel like you’re in control. That’s what I like. Can we run through the grass and all the reeds and meet oh pretty please, there I will tell you what no one knows about me. I pick pockets just to give it all back, I’m a little bit insane, I’m never sure what I’m looking for but it’s always on my mind, maybe all I want is to be loved- in fact I wish my daddy had loved me more. Would you rather me lie to myself? I’m going to burn down those bridges and rip out them stitches. You told me I got good at tellin’ stories when I left and stumbled out the door. I told you to eat so many lemons because you’re so bitter. We’ve got everything down to a science so I guess we know everything- right? What is it about our fights that make me love you more?

I want to dance with you in style, let’s dance for a while, in the daylight where anywhere feels like home, someday, yeah yeah, someday I’ll hug you and I will forget my country, where the rest of the world awaits. Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, you told me, “I’m not half the man I used to be, there’s a shadow hanging over me,” I want you to know that I’ll take you for what I see, because what I see is what I get. You thought love was such an easy game to play? I thought that Mr. Pitiful had learned his lesson. I promised that I won’t let you down, I won’t break your heart, and I really just want to know you. I want to know your life, that interesting thing we call life, tell me about yours, so we can be friends too. I know you’re scared of loving me but- You know love is better than a song Love is where all of us belong so don’t be shy just let your feelings roll on by. Years ahead, while we’re lying together you say to me, you know, we don’t have the power but we never say never. You tell me that if I try leaving I can’t hide standing under these stars they know everything, they’ll know where you are,
I’m in my head, I’m all turned around with it and they’re shining down their light to bring you back again
Back where I can find you. I know what I am, You know I hear you saying ” I’d sell off my savior for a set of new rings” Don’t sell out, money isn’t everything- and that’s something you taught me. To most a week apart doesn’t seem like a feat, but I miss you more than I should, I know you’re scared that I’ll get over it- but honestly, that’s part of it all. I fear you won’t fall- trust me it’s easy to say, but its a lot harder to feel this way.

I say to you, “OH HONEY PIE You are driving me crazy, I’m in love but I’m lazy, so won’t you please come home, Honey Pie, you are driving me frantic, sail across the atlantic to be where you belong.” You said, “Do you believe what you’re sayin’?” Yeah right now, but not that often. By the time the buzz was wearing off, we were standing out on the sidewalk, with our tattoos that looked like rings ,in the hot Nevada sun and they won’t fade I’ve got you to thank. Take that trip with me to Blueberry Hill.

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