enfin's reality

what this has meant to me

this minute wrinkle in time, for me, has done so much.  i left tired and in a bad place– and here i am, almost a week after tamarack has ended, wishing i didn’t have to return to my normal life.  perhaps i should clarify that if it were possible, i wouldn’t return.  the only reason why i am going back to maine is because of work, which in some ways is a decent incentive, because i need to make bank.  but the people up here, the way of life, and the amount of happiness that i feel on a regular basis, is unable to be replicated at home.  home for me is so transparent in meaning- a won’t be returning until august, and i just wish i could stay here in the beautiful white mountains.  the national forest has become my home- six hours of tennis a day, living with some incredibly great people, and even those who lacked the fundamentals of being kind, is all that i want.  summer without structure is pointless for me– it’s an opportunity to expand my horizons and meet new people.  That’s why this summer has thus far been what I’ve needed- but upon returning to Portland, all of that structure is compromised.  The community and support net that is found at Tamarack is unmatched by any other summer program I’ve ever participated in.  It has already earned the title of a second home, and I’d like to remain here until school starts up.  To meditate and remove myself from the reality that I live in year round is something that I desperately need- but unfortunately that can’t take place back home.  I will admit that I miss a few people, and I miss my cats, but I wish I could scoop all of that up and bring them here to be with me.  Too bad that won’t happen.

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enfin's reality

sad-nothings

waking up i was pleased and even…..happy. somehow i’ve fallen into an abyss of ruefulness and can’t see through everything.  all i know is that spirits are low.

enfin.

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enfin's reality

its always rainy in portland

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hey-o. stupid its always sunny in philadelphia… i miss my days of avid tv watching. anyway, wednesday is over in 2o minutes- such a beautiful thing if you ask me. two days left of this wretched school week. and yes, i can survive it thank you, but tomorrow evening will be hellish, seeing as i have to finish the sound and the fury. stupid faulkner, why did you have to write in a manner that i do not care for? huh? huh? okay. well yes.. i don’t know either.  i’m a bit nervous because i had to email the ink-shop about changing my appointment to a later time, and i really want them to be accomodating and all “yes of course, 2:30 is wonderful!” in addition to that, i’m having problems with my yashica and batteries and making a hold.  anyone who knows how to do that, please inform me immediately.  gratitude will come later.

for the past, 24hours? i’ve been working on a collaborative with my friend danger, entitled, kale and radishes.  it’s turning out lovely, and it will be posted when we finish (the non-existing god knows when that will be…).  i traveled to brunswick today- scored a few pieces of vinyl, and a nice large coffee, which was an interlude to all the other cups of coffee i drank today. tea will be my drink of choice tomorrow, or i will reek of permanent coffee stench.

this summer i have an itch to go scrumping.  do you think i should scrump with M, or A? hm. in the comfort of my home this evening i bake a lemon basil cake.  it turned out edible to say the least, if not delicious.  and i also made my marinara sauce.  i still have a case of cooking blues (which is contradictory) how do you like my antilogy? but yes. tomorrow… i have to work. but that means money for quebec.  and also norms later in the evening (i need camraderie ASAP). friday is similar to tomorrow, classes, working, artwalk (with my rollerderby bud) and then saturday i have a vintage sale to attend, some work to do, and beautiful bela’s birthday to celebrate.  sunday is easter, which i will be enjoying with family members at Local 188.  also with glasses of pinot noir later in the evening.  i’d like to take ethel out this week too, seeing as the weather is looking promising tomorrow onward.  i believe i should curl up in my bed now. because im starting to mash thoughts and i don’t want STOC to appear in my entry.  FICTION IS COMING. I PROMISE. i will work on it at some point tomorrow.  (bio?hist?art?)

enfinlove

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