enfin's reality

cycling in no particular pattern

karma’s a bitch, and everyone should know that by now.  i’m ready at this point to put behind me all my disappointments and surge forward into what awaits.  it’s only when you’ve been truly alone that you can come to realizations such as these.  i want to find myself relishing in the beauty of the world, find myself learning more about what surrounds me, and find myself content being alone– something that i’ve always had to do.

the weeks have tired me to the bone, and i’m afraid of half the faces in this town.  it’s time to get out, to move on to something better.  the best advice i’ve received is from a friend who, while might be skeptical of me half the time, has come to terms with the importance of our camaraderie.  “don’t settle for anything that leaves a bitter aftertaste in your mouth” coupled with the insistence that this town isn’t worth my time anymore, i think i’ve come to a new recognition of just how important it is to challenge yourself.  not just in things such as intellectual stimulation, but things such as relationships.  sometimes, you just need to try a bit harder, and as it always seems to go, it’ll be well worth your time, in comparison to settling for something easy, for something that poses no challenge.

but with the changing tides, i’ve learned just who stays close, and thus, it’s them that i know i can rely on.  in the past i’ve fooled myself, thinking that some have cared ridiculous amounts for me, only to be disappointed by the truth being that this was far from the truth.  so now, with the opportunity to leave, comes the opportunity to enjoy myself for seven months.  portland, despite the fact that for the past year or so, you’ve given me trouble, it’s now time for me to call upon all the reasons why i love you.  now it’s time to be involved in what it is that i want to be involved in.  it’s time to get better, to climb out of this rut, and seize the last opportunity i have to thoroughly enjoy the past 18 years.  hence, a new beginning ensues.  from now on, my communication is limited to the people who have made my life easier and happier.  and as i began this post, i shall end it.  karma is a bitch.  take that from me.