enfin's reality

the purest form

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the past few days have allowed my mind to be consumed with happy thoughts and distractions.  i’ve lacked the proper funds to spend at a whim- and i’ve been focusing on the mind opposed to the temporary forms of happiness that are acquired by means of consumption.  i’ve talked about my thoughts, with the hope that others have listened.  sitting on the pier and on the coast with ryan was really nice.  for the first time in a while, i was in the company of someone who i could speak to openly, and not worry about judging me.  our conversations ran deep, and since then i’ve been at peace.  he loaned me his copy of the tao of pooh, and i haven’t been able to put it down since.  as i said in the beginning of the week, it’s time for a new start, and the tao of pooh could not have come at a better time.  immediately following my excursion with ryan, which ended in promises for night swimming and thai food, i was stolen away and embarked on an afternoon with m.  after time passed, and we had consumed unspeakable amounts of sushi, we returned to the pearl compound & got prettied up and walked to slainte, where we quickly turned around and reconsidered.  our better option was local, so that’s where we headed and ate desserts and drank our digestifs.  more meaningful conversations this morning in the comfort of arabica, although nothing was agreed upon.  i haven’t enough money to purchase coffee and toast- let alone film.  i have four rolls to develop, and i have no darkroom access.  whatta shame to be so broke.  not to mention i can’t even scrounge up cash to buy some double A’s for my old fallback- the digital camera.  i need to start documenting for reassurance of my very existence.  let the weekend steal me away.

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enfin

postscriptum: as a direct result of my escapade at the pier with ryan, i was sunburned to a crisp, and currently my knees are swollen, chest is blotchy, and eyes are close to those of a raccoon.

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enfin's reality, Uncategorized, writing

aura of envy

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i don’t think i have any other words to describe my feelings right now besides envious.  its true that for the past i don’t know, 11 months i’ve firmly held my ground and could have cared less about whether or not i had a companion of sorts.  its true that i still feel that way, but something about the photo displayed above set me over the edge,  envy is building and there is no stopping it.  of course, i’m not the sort of person who is going to go out and seek a companion out.  im tired of that game.  there aren’t really prospects in my reach because of reasons out of my control.  there are factors that happen to restrict prospects which i have discussed in-depth with the lovely M.  to add on to that train of thought- mere and i have been discussin’ our flat.  we’re extreemly excited to eventually be getting a haus of our own! i think she’ll be ashamed of my uncleanliness however, but that’s something i’m willing to sacrifice.  we’ve also considered opening our own restaurant called zest where you bring us the ingredients and we’ll prepare something that includes the provisions that are providide.  of course, the logistics aren’t detailed, and we both know that we’d be inefficient and unable to stay on task, but that’s life, isn’t it? this afternoon we’re going on our first photo excursion of the new england spring, and we’re both looking forward to it! i need to pick up film tomorrow, and oh yes! how did i forget, m is going to be the official photographer on enfinoui this summer (of course, my photos will be displayed, but she is going to help out a ton) she may help with lookbook too (which reminds me; i need to get on planning a new outfit and shoot, hmm….ideas?)

anyway, going back to my rant about companions.  i’d like one, yes, but i can also live without it, seeing as i’ve fared well these past 11 months, and in addition to that, i’ve also fared well prior to the most recent relationship of mine which ended for good cause *amen and thank god*. <– i just realized how funny that happens to be seeing as god n’exist pas dans ma tete! but yes, a companion would be nice.  someone to cook for and watch black and white movies with.  someone to fall asleep next to, and to parade up the congo.  someone to come thrifting with me, and sit on the floor listening to vinyl and sip chamomille with.  someone to go on walks on the west end with, and take rolls of magnificent film with!  someone who joins me for late brunches on sundays, someone who thinks latin is fun, and who appreciates good literatue, good film, good caffine, and good tv.  someone who likes the same music (plus more) as me, and someone who thinks my mood swings are hilarious.  someone who has undergone some sort of tragedy in their lifetime, someone who likes me just as much as i like them.  someone who finds the concept of i love you to be a part conformist society, and instead we express our feelings through words with merit, not words that are used because you are unable to convey your feelings in any other way so you turn to the easiest phrase, known to man kind and spit it out.  i’m picky- yes, but i need to be.  after settling for less than my usual standards in the past, its become more than apparent that standards have to be met or else there’s no purpose in having a companion.  perhaps i’ll stumble upon someone someday- and perhaps i’ve already stumbled upon them. 

more fiction pieces are coming out tonight! along with some lovely photos from today’s excursion, and maybe even a link to a certain prose that i happen to be awaiting.

enfin

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