island hopping

things have sorted themselves out, as they always do.  i’m ready for the next month and a half to enjoy a bit of autumn in maine, before heading out to leave for 10 months in St. John.  I can’t wait to work my ass off, be back on island soil, and get out of this place.  until then i plan on the following:

simple gatherings
good friends
good wine
weekend getaways
easy work
changing leaves
chilly breezes
lots of apple crisp



Per usual, things have gone awry.  I don’t mind.  Despite the fact that I feel like I’m floundering and alone.  But the one nice thing that comes of this is that I can go wherever I like, in good time.  Be it to Manhattan, the Bahamas, Montreal, Rome, or back home to Vietnam, the possibilities are endless.  Except for here in Portland.  I can’t stay here for long, as it’s such a fucking hostile town.  I am done investing in people that have never and will never reciprocate my friendship.  I am happy to be free from such negative and aimless energies.  Fuck that.  I don’t need it.  Nobody does.

I am looking forward to watching Autumn unfold here on the West End though.  Just until I get my feet back, and am off again to some unknown destination.  This I have come to accept, and know that in time, all things will work themselves out.

I can’t wait for: Harvard Lecture Series, MV on 9/17-9/20, Family Wedding, MTL, and visits with my Romanian Chicas.  I also am hoping, maybe evening begging/praying, to hear back from new opportunities.  St. Johns? The Bahamas? SoHo? Greenwich, CT? Phu Giao? Just send me in the right direction and I’ll keep my focus.


POST SCRIPT: Feeling like a friend binge is on the verge of happening.



so i know that no matter how i phrase this post, it’ll be subject to some scrutiny.  but be that as it may, i figure this would be an appropriate time to try and convey my thoughts exactly at this moment.

i returned to maine for a short piece of time this past week, and while i dreaded the return, and certain parts of everyday, i’d have to say the take away was worth the trouble.  i realized that there are a lot of people in portland that i truly love and care for.  to everyone i saw: thank you.  thank you for being genuinely good people. annie, thanks for being the best friend a person could ask for.  anna, thanks for absolutely everything.  krista, thanks for the inspiration and the advice.  (don’t worry, i’ll only return to ME to eat your white pepper orange blossom sorbet).  josh, thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin.  johnny, thanks for the bottomless friendship.  val, thanks for letting me vent, and for confiding in me with the details of U.S. damian, thanks for making me realize what i have to offer, where i can go, and what i can do.  (i am so happy for you and for ilma & for ilma iv)!! sean/adam/travis/miles, thanks for being my boys from time to time. kate, thanks for being a great aunt!

you guys rule.  and i love you all.  if i could shove you guys in my pocket and take you wherever i end up, i would.  but know that i love you all and am grateful for everything.

even with all those wonderful faces, i still felt more positive than ever, that my departure from portland was the right decision.  i need a breath of fresh air, new people to inspire me, new sights to see, and new air to breathe.  i can handle negative energy, just not the sort that i’ve been subject to in portland for so long.  i need new people in my life, and that’s why i’m excited for everything to keep unfolding.  Spain in 2014 is such an exciting thing.

not to mention, i’m excited to see it with two very close friends.

i’ll send more updates soon.  until then,




everything’s turning for the better

so i’m also reluctant to share the amazing past few days i’ve had, but in all honesty, I need to get it off my chest.  I couldn’t have asked for a better 48 going on 72 hours.  It all started with  a trip to the Black Dog, which included a pile of ribs, fried oysters, crab cakes, and a sneak preview of a reality tv show.  What followed was just as good, if not better.  6 hours of endless conversation mixed with Whites, Cheers, and Archer, as well as vodka tonics, brought me to realizing, “oh shit, it’s 5am.” a few hours of sleep were disturbed easily by a wonderful sunrise and birds chirping.  cold showers to wash away the humidity driven sweat, and then 2 hours at mott’s sipping coffee, talking about everything we hadn’t.  a 6k sale to the owners of vineyard vines, along with hawaiian pizza, greek salad, fries, and snapple on the porch with one of my great friends cori helped ease me into the evening.  good jams, and online shopping held me until 11, when company was met, and whites was played.  good sleep interrupted yet again by a beautiful sunrise, was countered with more motts, and an early morning beach trip.  we headed to west tis farmers market, ate popovers with strawberry butter, and then found my favorite comfort food.  baguettes, shanghai tofu, egg rolls, spring rolls, and cold noodle salad.  iced vietnamese coffee.  smokes.  laughs in the shade.  traveled to edgartown, laid down to cool off, went thrift shopping, found a $3 copper stock pot.  ended up at btb, where i had the most pleasant iced peach tea, and avocado and trout toasts.  reading the bread tray.  loving my new friends, and a few of my old ones.  now, beach, stronger tanlines needed.  a night to follow with company that i’ve become fond of, and a day like tomorrow to use on a whim.

my luck has turned right around.

portland, i’m never coming back.

i’ve also decided on spain.  january 7th, 2014, stage at extebarri commences.


if you stand by me

The past few weeks have been filled with an intense array of emotions and experiences.  I found myself wondering, on numerous occasions, when I would find that person, or that place, or that thing that would just make sense.  I found a great friend, and I’m glad I have her support and humor to get me through the summer heat.  But since then, I’ve also discovered two things that just click.

I found my little nook.  I found the coffee shop that I just needed, and it’s there where I feel not only nostalgic, but so happy just to be.  Interesting people, delicious coffee, and just an overall appealing atmosphere. I’m happy there, just like I was happy at Bard, Speckled Ax, and Tandem.  And it’s hidden which makes it only more appealing to me.

And what about the other thing? Well, let me put it this way.  I’m not one who easily believes in fate or serendipity, but if either of those things exist, then I experienced both yesterday.  They were a pleasant surprise in the middle of a subpar day.  And I guess, it was just meant to be.

The Vineyard has it’s moments, but I can honestly say I haven’t had a bad time yet.  On my only visit to Portland so far, I felt a little out of sorts.  All the anxiety I had before I left hit me immediately upon arrival.  The streets were unappealing, and the time short.  I don’t know quite what to make of that other than the obvious which is that I really can’t go back permanently, nor do I want to, if I’m being entirely blunt here.

I can’t see myself living on the Vineyard past a certain point, but I really can’t see myself moving back to Portland either.

Currently: sipping coffee, listening to santigold, and getting ready for retail.  Pining to cook and make merry with others.