enfin's reality

what this has meant to me

this minute wrinkle in time, for me, has done so much.  i left tired and in a bad place– and here i am, almost a week after tamarack has ended, wishing i didn’t have to return to my normal life.  perhaps i should clarify that if it were possible, i wouldn’t return.  the only reason why i am going back to maine is because of work, which in some ways is a decent incentive, because i need to make bank.  but the people up here, the way of life, and the amount of happiness that i feel on a regular basis, is unable to be replicated at home.  home for me is so transparent in meaning- a won’t be returning until august, and i just wish i could stay here in the beautiful white mountains.  the national forest has become my home- six hours of tennis a day, living with some incredibly great people, and even those who lacked the fundamentals of being kind, is all that i want.  summer without structure is pointless for me– it’s an opportunity to expand my horizons and meet new people.  That’s why this summer has thus far been what I’ve needed- but upon returning to Portland, all of that structure is compromised.  The community and support net that is found at Tamarack is unmatched by any other summer program I’ve ever participated in.  It has already earned the title of a second home, and I’d like to remain here until school starts up.  To meditate and remove myself from the reality that I live in year round is something that I desperately need- but unfortunately that can’t take place back home.  I will admit that I miss a few people, and I miss my cats, but I wish I could scoop all of that up and bring them here to be with me.  Too bad that won’t happen.

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