enfin's reality

instantaneous reactions

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my day was full of wonderful occurences and good company.  truth be told, i feel as though so much time has passed by since i last divulged my life on the interweb, but at the same time, i also feel like i haven’t had much to say, because i haven’t cared to dillute life to the point where i can say it concisely and expect one to connect with the happenings i’ve been involved with.  being just as i’m supposed to be has been rather terrifying, because for once, i’m not ruled by some superficial expectations.  being present and intune is what matters.  happiness is key to all that makes my universe turn.  i’ve had numberless conversations in the past two weeks about life, death, and what we are meant to do.  i’ve decided most questions are meant to have answers, and answers only complicate things.  when something is, then what else could you need? you just are.

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i don’t mean to come off as metaphoric as i currently am, but that’s the problem with verbal communication- you are always misunderstood.  we have allowed words to dictate our lives and we feel according to the definition and restrictions of a word.  and even if you feel something you’ve never experienced, one invents a restriction- a word that is what you feel, and once again, another definition is institutionalized and generalized for the entire human race.  i think that is our downfall- our communication and our need for reassurance for our advancment.  but how can i change the way we’ve been made? who am i to put forth an effort, only to be hindered by the highs of society who already know of what it is i believe? i’m not sure… and because of that, here i am, typing this, sitting here, instead of going out and doing something.

today i learned- i chose a new path.  i discovered my faults and i’ve begun to admit them.  i’ve been trying to distract myself with reading, because i suppose reality is rather discontent when i start to thoroughly think about it.  i’m trying to skip small talk with people and have indepth discussions of faith, purpose, and reaction.  i’ve been inspired to think outside this realm, only to find reason to ration and everything else that looks so green from the other side of the grass.  i just realized that i’ve been ranting about everything i’m feeling– instead of sugarcoating everything with just a “day’s account”.  the artwalk was incredibly overwhelming- too many people and faces and voices and questions.  horribly awkward moments shoved into one another, and missed opportunities only to be mistaken with false hope and pseudo-reality.  i’m not sure in which direction i’m headed, yet i do know that i am listening to my instinct.  oh, how i haven’t the faintest idea of what’s around the bend.

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