enfin's reality

its been an empty night

i wonder if happiness is as tangible as everyone says it is. i’m not quite sure my of my true opinions on happiness, and i don’t think i could even begin to understand that emotion.  just like anything else, its temporary, and i’ve decided its not worth it trying to figure it out.  what i do know is simple: different forms of happiness exist.  i see the kind that is obtained through co-dependency, and the kind that is felt after purchasing that new car you’ve saved up for since the year before last. i don’t know if i get that surge of emotion as often as others, and i can’t label something as versatile as happiness as general, or standard, or anything like that.  it differs from being to being, and its time span is unpredictable.  i never get set on being happy for x amount of time, in fact, when i am “happy” i tend to think in a manner that most would find ridiculous. i think about the end of this elated spell, and how i’d have to transistion into another state of feeling.  life is what it is, there’s no changing that.

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this week. in short, i can’t wait to get out of this state. i can’t wait to get out of this town even. everything and everyone has met ms. spiteful in the past two or three or even four days. i can’t stand there faces that are sucking the oxygen from my very lungs. i can’t stand their voices or their sayings, or their shrugging of shoulders. i can’t bear to look at anyone of them for quite some time. thank god for canada.  i leave friday and come back late sunday. then i have another two days in portland until i leave for north carolina on wednesday the 14th. i come back to new england the eighteenth, and remain in boston until the 21st.  then i will once again stay in portland until june, maybe with a few excursions to cambridge and portsmouth and brunswick in between. i’ll be laying low, avoiding those who make me unhappy. i plan on reading every book i’ve been meaning to read, and start a few new fiction works, while i ignore the ones on hold currently. i just would like summer to come really soon. spring is nice, but its fever is contagious. saturday… i’m planning on getting my ink sesh, HOPEFULLY. my artists are being iffy and are bad at communicating, but i will figure something out. i want this so much, therefore, whilst in canada, i will get it. i also need to send in a roll of film because the darkroom lacks proper chemicals. in addition to that, i’m working up a storm at holly and folly, and i have practice everyday, but i think i’m only going to two *thankfully*. maybe my luck will change for the better this upcoming week. tomorrow at some point i will give you a glimpse of the past day! it was pretty nice. until then, from portland west to portland east, i wish you the very best.

enfinlove

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