enfin's reality

i really want some friends…

do you ever have those days where you feel like the entire world is avoiding you? i’ve had an increasing amount since the beginning of 2010.  i know that i am surely not the most reliable for my friends, seeing as i often pick and choose whether or not to make myself available for them to talk to.  i often make it nearly impossible for them to contact me, and i’m sure that it aggravates them just as much as it aggravates me, but what can i say? i get snappy and the last thing i want to do is start a fight with any of my good friends.  i suppose… a few of them have figured out the best time to call me is first thing in the morning solely because i will always answer due to my refusal to acknowledge who really is calling.

but this past weekend has been difficult nonetheless.  i feel as though my friends are avoiding me like i tend to avoid them.  its not as though i need them, but sure, i’d like to talk with ’em.  and i guess that shows selfishness on my part seeing as i want it on my terms, but come on who isn’t selfish at one point or another in their lives? i accomplished nothing this weekend besides watching a marathon amount of House MD and feeling sorry for myself.  tennis starts tomorrow. i don’t want to play because i don’t like my team. but i need to play because it looks nice on yer college applications. i wanted to talk with a few folks yesterday but they all ignored me. that’s nice. really nice friends. OH i also exposed my current roll of film. that’s two rolls in a row. what the hell is wrong with me? it’s actually the camera’s fault. it wouldn’t rewind my film. damn damn damn. all those pictures for nothing.

today its been 9months. crazy to think, yeah? i’m a bit sad..well more than a bit, but i’m trying not to express it. i don’t know why. all i know is that i wish to sleep for the rest of the day.



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