enfin's reality

i hurl myself off cliffs

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temperature’s are dropping

i miss my days of listening to just the jihad. because that was way back in the summer when i had money and i had time. i didn’t really enjoy the summer when i was caught up in it, but now… its apparent that there were some parts that were okay.

hell is demonic and manic. i had to walk in the pouring rain which made me depressed, thus causing me to wonder if i am in fact, depressed. because i often find myself morose, and in addition to that… i become wrapped up in routine, and i don’t like to be disturbed. i don’t think im depressed… just a bit cynical, and i act as if i don’t really care, when i do! i take things very personally, which im trying to work on! i very much want to connect to people. its not a matter of whether or not someone likes me, or if i like them, i just want connections. i just want to feel as though im understood. the rain makes me think too much. and it makes me feel sick. tuesdays are ever so difficult, but i personally think wednesdays are the absolute worse. so i guess right off the bat i will send myself a precursor to tomorrow!

i bought my tickets to north carolina (no where finer) and i’m leaving april 14th, getting back april 18th. the week prior i’ll be in quebec, and i’m having an ink sesh at tatouage toutankhamon! the week before that is easter… one holiday i dread, and also dark dark dark will be playing at space! the end of my march into mid april is busy busy busy! tennis season also starts up soon, so i don’t know when i’ll have a free moment to do anything.

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i adore that nietzsche tattoo so darn much. i’ve contemplated whether or not to get nietzsche on me, and that tat looks phenomenal, so its giving me a push in the direction to say… YES friederich! you should totally be inked on me forever and ever. tonight i suppose i will go to squid and whale tattoo and watch cyndi lou ink mi madre.  tonight, if i don’t have to work i’m considering making my cauliflower and kale soup, posting my recipe to gnocchi, reading dostovesky and making even making a tart! i feel as though i should do something worthwhile this afternoon, and im hoping bela comes on over so we can go through my closet and maybe to salvies. thursday & friday i get out of this institution at 11am. thats a 3 hour and 15 minute day. what is the point!? i could be in san diego right now!! san diego, sleeping in and feeling refreshed. all i want to do is cook! cook cook cook! currants and plums and blackberries in a tart! and black and white movies, and compliments, and company. too bad that won’t happen. give me some anton karas! give me yann tiersen. give me music to make me weep! i miss my best friend. and i miss the sun.

i need to think of a wonderful ending to him & her, the story i’ve been writing for  quite some time! this afternoon is nice and rainy…but not nice, so if bela doesn’t visit , writing will hopefully be the main production, along cooking. my scratches on my wrist sting a bothering sting!

enfinlove

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